Three Fools and an Idiot
by Madam Chaos Shadow
Summary: A disturbing, albeit somewhat humorous SI involving myself, my friends, and the CT characters completely out of character. What fun... grand suckfest, but it's nice to look back and gag.
1. The Beginning Begins to Begin Its Beginn...

Three Fools and an Idiot  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
Written by Chaos Shadow  
Original version planned by Aurora Firestorm  
Stolen with her permission, mainly because she's one of my best friends (read her writing and review  
it, please [shameless plug in])  
Ideas submitted by Little Washu  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Sofi: *runs on stage* Why am I the idiot?  
  
Chaos Shadow: *runs right behind her* Because you just are!  
  
Sofi: I should be neither a fool nor an idiot.  
  
Aurora Firestorm: *comes up to both of them* Sofi, you are the idiot.  
  
Sofi: Why?  
  
Aurora: Because.... *points to Chaos* She said so.  
  
Sofi: Why should I do what she says?  
  
Chaos: I'm the author of this fic, Sofi. I have omnipotent author-like powers.  
  
Sofi: Like?  
  
Chaos: Lightning 2!  
  
(You can guess what happened to Sofi, right?)  
  
Little Washu: *comes on stage after the firestorm* What happened to Sofi?  
  
Chaos: Everyone learns the hard way about my omnipotent author-like powers.  
  
Washu: Aren't you forgetting anything?  
  
Chaos: Huh? Oh, yeah. I don't own anything related to Chrono Trigger. That's property of  
Squaresoft, because they rule! Except for MAYBE the Final Fantasy games, but they also made  
Brave Fencer Musashi, and Threads of Fate, so they can't be all bad...  
  
Aurora: And we belong to our respective owners; me belonging to a girl named Drew, Washu to  
another girl named Jessica, Sofi to Sofi, and Chaos to a girl named Christine.  
  
Washu: So on with the story!  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Part I   
  
  
Chaos walked up to the door, carefully caressing the large, long hair black cat in her arms, and  
somehow managed to ring the doorbell with her elbow. The feline squirmed a bit, trying to escape  
her grasp, but soon saw that it was for naught, and calmed down, plotting another way to escape into  
the wild unknown of the outside world. The girl with the cat waited for a minute, containing the  
battling cat and keeping her patience until the door opened. The cat began to squirm again, biting  
and clawing wildly in anticipation to be let down to roam around the house again. After a wait of a  
few minutes (and numerous cat-induced injuries), the door opened, and a woman appeared from  
behind it.   
  
"Hi," the girl said. "Where did Washu get off to?"  
  
"She's in her room," the woman replied, motioning for the youth to enter the house. "She's been  
waiting for a while, trying to rip the curtains off the window." There was a horrendous tearing sound  
from inside the house. "I guess she succeeded. Oh, well. Come on in; the cookies are almost done."  
  
The younger of the two stepped into the warmly furnished house, looking around a letting the  
black cat jump out of her arms and into the house. "Do you always bake cookies?" she inquired.   
  
"Yes." The adult watched the cat dart off and start inspecting the house. "Why did you bring  
your cat?"  
  
"Washu and Aurora wanted to see him, and I couldn't find any suitable pictures to drag along  
with me."  
  
"Ah, okay. You know where Washu's room is by now, right?" Washu's mother smiled warmly.  
"Just don't disturb the neighbors."  
  
Chaos laughed. "It's not my fault that old man a few blocks down didn't like the song  
Kryptonite, is it?"  
  
The adult shrugged. "No. I guess not."  
  
Chaos turned around and waved a small farewell to the woman, then jogged off to the room  
furthest from the main entryway, keeping her small backpack slung over her shoulder as she raced  
off to the room. She stopped when she got there and opened the door, yelling a loud and boisterous  
"Hello!" as soon as she entered.   
  
Washu looked up and bounded to her feet, slamming the pause button on her Playstation 2  
controller as she did so. "Chaos! You're here!" the short, blond girl squealed. "Did you bring your  
kitty?"  
  
The hazel eyed girl nodded. "Of course. The little scoundrel put up the worst fight, but I  
managed to wrestle him out of the car and into your house. Want me to get him?"  
  
"Yes," Washu said. "I'd appreciate it."  
  
"Oh, goody. Now I can sacrifice my hand again," Chaos said dryly, sighing deeply at the end of  
her morbid statement. Then, without hesitation, she turned around and immediately began to  
summon her feline. "JERRY!" she yelled in a slightly high-pitched voice. "C'mere, Jerry!"  
  
Faultlessly, the large, black Siberian cat slunk easily into the shorter girl's bedroom, mewling  
slightly and jumping on top of the bed, curling up in it without fault. He had yet to explore that part  
of this new house, but he was obviously too worn out from inspecting the other parts of it that he  
didn't feel like it just then. Instead, the cat rested his head on the soft fur of his forepaw and fell into  
a light sleep.   
  
"Aww, he's so cute," Washu said softly, reaching up to pet the big cat. The laid a gentle hand on  
the feline's silky fur, petting the soft creature. "Not as cute as Ananda, though."  
  
Chaos snorted in protest. "I think he's cuter than Ananda, but then again, he's my kitty, and  
Ananda is yours, so it's unfair to judge them."  
  
"True," Washu muttered. Then she turned around and resumed her game. "Any tips on killing  
Lavos?"  
  
"Well," the other girl said, considering, "I would normally say Frog Flare, but since that's not an  
option with you, I'd have to say go with Dark Eternal; after killing the left bit, of course. For that  
thing, annihilate it with physical techs, it'll go down pretty quick."  
  
"I thought so."  
  
That went on for a little while, Washu killing off the Lavos Core on her Chrono Trigger game,  
Chaos unpacking and petting her cat, and both of them plotting evil stuff that would happen in the  
fanfic Chaos was writing.   
  
The doorbell rang just as Washu finished off the humanoid space alien monster thingy with the  
twin jars next to it. This time, both of the girls ran off to answer the door, leaving the sleeping cat  
curled up on the bed, snoring lightly.   
  
The duo opened the door, and soon they became a triad of people rather than only two in the  
group. Aurora Firestorm had arrived, and had brought something additional with her.   
  
"Aurora," Washu asked. "Why did you bring your cat? And of all of them, Chocolate?"  
  
The tallest girl grinned evilly. "Well, since you have your own cat here, and Chaos brought hers,  
I figured I'd bring mine."  
  
"Ah, I see."  
  
The triad proceeded to talk and walk back to Washu's room, letting the cat roam around the  
house again. However, the other feline's seemed to be attracted to the girl's room, so it came to pass  
that the whole triad of girls and cats were crammed in there.  
  
The shortest of the three human companions picked up the Playstation 2 controller again and  
commenced playing the game again. After a few minutes of watching the dialog scroll across the  
screen, however, the picture went blank. There was nothing on the television screen except for the  
eerie darkness you get when there's a power outage. Strangely enough, however, the lights of the  
TV set itself were glowing, as was the Playstation 2's lights. Then, without warning, they were  
plunged into a darkness only brought forth by a power outage.   
  
"Well," somebody, probably Chaos, muttered. "That's something different."  
  
Then the television screen began to glow.  
  
"Oh yeah, that's definitely different."  
  
Without warning, the door to the room opened, and a fourth person came in, holding four bags of  
Kettle Korn.  
  
"I brought the popcorn," she said, taking a seat on the bed next to Jerry. The Siberian cat stirred a  
bit, looked and the new arrival, and promptly bit her hand before retiring to a nap again.   
  
Washu looked back. "Oh, hello Sofi. Great! You've got Kettle Korn!" Each of the original triad  
snatched a bag of the sugary popcorn from Sofi's hand and opened it, promptly attempting to get  
sugar high whilst watching the screen glow brighter and brighter.   
  
"Hey, what are you watching?"  
  
Chaos and Aurora turned to face Sofi. "We don't know," Chaos admitted. "A power outage  
struck the room, then the screen began to glow. It looks pretty, though."  
  
"Yes it does," Sofi agreed, digging into her own bag of Kettle Korn.  
  
Light began to concentrate in three separate areas of the screen, leaving the rest midnight black.  
The quartet continued to stare, wolfing down handfuls of popcorn as the light points became three  
dimensional, forming long, lacing tendrils of light.  
  
The present four went along with the tradition taught to them by a science teacher. "Oooo," they  
said in unison, drawing out the long O. "Aaaaah," they continued, this time elongating the long A.  
"Oooo," they concluded, this time using the vowel pronunciation of O.  
  
"Tis pretty," Chaos murmured, slipping into a slight Old English accent for whatever reason she  
had. Then she looked down to the guidebook Aurora Firestorm had brought with a trifle of  
disinterest.  
  
"Yes, it is," Aurora agreed, popping another kernel into her mouth.   
  
Then, without warning, the tendrils attacked. The topmost one touched Sofi, and she disappeared,  
taking the triad of feline's with her. The three remaining began to mourn over their loss of cats,  
when the left tendril snaked out and touched Aurora, again causing her to vanish into thin air. Now  
the remaining tentacle searched for its victims, and carefully touched both Chaos and Washu in  
order to teleport the two of them to wherever it lead to.  
  
They could feel themselves leaving the room, being compressed into trillions of tiny bits of  
energy, then being forced through the tube, through pitch blackness, and to a destination they could  
only dream of.   
  
Meanwhile, back in the room, the echoing cried of "But I didn't finish my Kettle Korn!" where  
heard. Eventually they too died down, only to replaced by silence. Then, from nowhere, a rubber  
chicken began a boxing match with a squeaky toy moose.  
  
  
Washu and Chaos commenced falling through a long and dark tunnel, and that tunnel suddenly  
became a swirl of blue-dark, regular, and light. Then the wormhole ended, and the two were dumped  
off at a random scene.  
  
The duo looked around, a bit startled by their sudden predicament. The scene looked rather  
familiar to Chaos, what with the running waterfall right behind her and the trees and the sheer cliff  
faces that would be torture to climb. She blinked the brilliant sunlight out of her eyes and looked  
around, trying to find any other clues as to where she was. The only other thing out of the ordinary  
that she noticed was the way Washu was looking at her.   
  
"What?" the girl demanded. "What is it?"  
  
The blond girl cleared her throat. "Whatever you do, just don't look down."  
  
"Whatever do you mean, 'Don't look down'? That's what cartoon characters say when  
somebody is suspended over... a.... cliff... side..." Throwing the shorter girl's cautioning to the wind,  
Chaos looked down, then screamed bloody doom (caused by watching Invader ZIM too often) and  
fell through the air, rupturing her suspended animation. The guidebook she had been holding on to  
flew out of her hand and caught a breeze.  
  
"That," Washu started, leaning over the cliff side, "was what I meant."  
  
The hazel eyed girl contacted the ground on her side, coughing and spitting out dirt particles that  
had been kicked up and forced into her mouth. She glared directly up at her friend on the top of the  
cliff face, her eye instinctively doing a trademarked annoyed twitch. "Why didn't you warn me  
about that?" Chaos called up to her traveling companion, the person she really felt like strangling at  
that moment.   
  
"Umm...." There was an embarrassed pause. "Oops..."  
  
The girl at the bottom of the cliff face stood up and brushed off her clothes, trying to get her  
bearings straight again. She looked around her, trying to recall the exact place she could have been  
at. It looked so familiar, as if she had seen it a couple of times before, but she couldn't quite place  
the exact location. She tried to concentrate on where she had seen waterfalls like that, or small lakes  
in the shape that she saw them.   
  
Something about the world didn't seem right, either. Something so glaringly different about it  
now then it had been before being assaulted by the snaking tendrils of the television set. She  
disregarded it and looked up to Washu.   
  
"Umm.... Washu?" she called up, trying to get the shorter girl's attention. "Could you possibly  
help me up?"  
  
The blond girl, however, was a bit preoccupied.   
  
"Oh... my... god..." she said, the awed tone of her voice carrying down the cliff face. "I don't  
believe this... it's impossible... Do you know who's up here?"  
  
Chaos sighed and shook her head. "No, I don't, Washu. Who is it?" she began sarcastically.  
"Magus?"  
  
Oddly enough, Washu nodded, too impressed and awed to speak.  
  
Oh, yeah, that could have something to do with the world looking different.  
  
"Do you expect me to believe that?"  
  
Washu smiled mischievously. "I don't know what you're going to believe, but I'm trailing him  
for the rest of the day. You understand that I can't help you right now, right? This is too important."  
  
Chaos nodded understandingly. "Of course I understand, Washu," she replied. "You can't let  
him escape your sight. Follow him until the ends of the earth! Don't worry about me!"  
  
"All right, I will!" Washu bounded away before Chaos could continue the strangely dramatic  
speech.   
  
The girl was left alone now, at the bottom of a mountain. She looked around and weighed her  
options. She could do one of two things; try and climb the cliff, only to get bumped, bruised, and  
scratched to pieces, or follow the calmly flowing stream to her left. She weighed the possibilities,  
thought it out for a good long time, then opted for the stream just as she heard a startled yell of pain,  
and a soft thump of a body hitting the ground from a twenty foot fall similar to her own.   
  
Maybe she should have taken the mountain climbing route, just to avoid the carnage below.   
  
She swallowed her pride and pressed onward, drawing closer to the site where the person had  
fallen. She prayed desperately it hadn't been Washu, because she was unsure of wether or not her  
friend had wanted to be buried or cremated, and didn't know if she would have appreciated being  
thrown in a lake with her innards spilling out and.... Oh, I'm making myself sick just writing about  
this....  
  
She shook off that gruesome picture that her overactive imagination had conjured up and  
continued down the way had been heading, hoping that the person who had fallen had survived the  
trip. Then again, how many people survive a twenty to thirty foot drop off a sheer cliff onto slightly  
grassy hard ground with nothing on them but their clothes and skin? Well, she had, so it couldn't be  
that hard.  
  
A bend around the mountain face obstructed her view of the figure, so she carefully peeked  
around the cliff to see what lay beyond, and was pleasantly surprised that it wasn't a bloody mess  
of... stuff that people don't see every day... yeah, that's it... I mean, do YOU see your kidney every  
day?  
  
She sighed heavily. Fortunately, the figure was still okay, and in one piece, as far as Chaos could  
see. However, another item obstructed her clear view of the figure itself; a dark forest green cloak.  
She knew she had seen everything like this before, but curiosity got the best of her, and she had to  
step forward and lift the cloak.   
  
Before she made her move, however, she stepped over to the water on a desperate hunch, and  
immediately began to hop across the stones to get a better view of an object she was hoping would  
be where she thought it would be. Then that would prove her theory.   
  
Sure enough, only a few seconds later, a softly glittering gold medallion floated down the river  
and rested at the rock she was standing on. She bent down and picked it up easily, righting herself to  
examine the object. She smiled evilly to herself, knowing precisely what had happened, where they  
were, what was going on, and why things looked different and familiar at the same time.  
  
The entire quartet and the cats had been sent into the world of Chrono Trigger, and the current  
placing of the particular duo that had fallen through that Timegate was the Denadoro Mountains,  
circa 590 AD.  
  
She turned around and skipped across the stones, landing faultlessly on the shore she had just left  
from. If she was trapped in a video game, she was going to have some fun with it.  
  
Chaos made her way back to the figure that was lying prostrate on the ground, and gently  
removed the forest green cloak from over them, involuntarily letting out a yelp and recoiling a few  
paces. Despite the fact that it was something she could have anticipated readily, she was still startled  
by the suddenness of it.   
  
There was, of all things to just be lying unconscious on the ground, a frog. Light green skin, a bit  
closer to the yellow spectrum then a straight green, with maroon markings painted here and there in  
some sort of pattern. To add on to the absolute strangeness of this, he was wearing armor, and on his  
left side a sword scabbard rested. The sword was nowhere to be seen, however.   
  
"Okay," Chaos breathed. "That's only slightly out of the ordinary." Then she had an idea, a  
devious plot device that will last for the rest of this chapter, and into the next one, and the one after  
that probably.   
  
Naturally Chaos was aware of who it was; anybody who's played the game at least to Magus'  
castle would have at least some idea. So, in order to have a little bit of fun with the world, she  
devised a plot that would give her one good laugh when it worked.   
  
She positioned herself directly in front of him, waiting until the moment of patience would pass  
and he would wake up. Oh, man, this was going to be good.   
  
As soon as one yellow eye opened and revealed that he was awake and conscious, she set the  
chain of events in motion.   
  
"Hi, Glenn."  
  
She knew how this was supposed to work in the cartoons, and hopefully that would transfer over  
to the now anime laws of physics. She figured there would be a small pause in between the next  
steps, then the victim would blink, scream, and jump up, draw their sword, and commence asking  
rapid fire questions that nobody could actually follow in order to confuse the person who startled  
them and just because they feel like it.   
  
There was a short pause in all activity between the two of them. The frog then blinked once,  
yelled in surprise, sprang to his feet, and snatched his sword from the plot of grass next to him.  
"Who are you how did you get here what are you doing what the heck just happened what's your  
name how do you know who I am and where did you come from?"  
  
Chaos grinned as he finally stopped his rapid fire barrage of questions to take in a couple of deep  
breaths. It had worked like a charm.  
  
"Let's try it this way, then," she replied, still grinning like a maniac, and stood up from her  
kneeling position, automatically gaining about a head of height above the frog. She took in a deep  
breath and began. "Hi my name is Chaos Shadow but everybody just calls me Chaos at least if they  
know my nickname because my real name is really Christine but I prefer Chaos when I'm around  
my friends so I would prefer to be called Chaos even though we pretty much just met right now and  
I fell through a Timegate that appeared in my television screen that sucked my other friends and our  
cats into it and I just wanted to gauge your reaction and see if cartoons really can depict real life  
situations and because of your involuntary participation I now know they can and you just fell off  
that cliff up there after getting zapped by the magician Magus because he just killed Cyrus and felt  
like turning you into a frog just to annoy half to death so you would want revenge on him and I  
think I already answered this question when you asked who are you and I know you because you're  
a character from a video game that we were playing before the four of us got sucked into the TV  
screen and I came from another dimension and I'd really rather not talk for the next half hour  
because my jaw really hurts now." She stopped her rant and took in a couple of long, deep breaths,  
trying to readjust her jaw after talking for a minute straight, without breathing. Then she started up  
again. "Oh, and you dropped this." She held up the shimmering gold medal.   
  
Glenn blinked a couple of times and snatched the medallion out of her hand. "What?"  
  
Chaos shook her head, glad she had confused somebody other than herself. "Never mind," she  
sighed. "I'd rather not try that again."  
  
"I should hope not."  
  
Again the action stood still as Chaos tried to figure out what to do next, and Glenn tried to figure  
out what the heck Chaos had just said. The frog began to sheath his sword again when, unprovoked,  
the hazel eyed girl tackled him into the thirty foot high rock face behind him. Naturally, the sword  
could not stay in its owner's hand, and went flying into the grass again.   
  
"I have to warn you about something that will protect you for your own good," Chaos hissed.  
"Defy this request and you will meet a very painful death." Silence as she said this. "Dost thou  
agree?" she demanded, slipping, for some unknown reason, into an Old English accent. Glenn  
nodded, not really sure what else he could do in these conditions. "Good." She released him and  
picked up the sword. "Two things. First, I don't know how to use a sword, and I'm a bit attracted to  
the shining blade and perfect precision of them. I like close range combat, and I like attacking fast,  
so I like swords. I'd like you to teach me how to use one. Understood?"  
  
Silence again. Then Glenn decided to protest. "Why are you ordering me around, anyhow? You  
obviously can't use a sword to kill me, and you don't seem to have any weapons on you besides.  
What are you threatening me with?"  
  
"Annoyance, of course."  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
She easily thrust the blade of the sword into the soft, readily moved earth. "If you don't comply, I  
will annoy you into madness. Thus, you shall lose your mind, and wind up committing suicide  
because of it. I'm quite confident trauma leaves one open to easy assault for a certain amount of  
time around the happenstance in which the party of the second party-that is, you-was forced to  
witness the death of the party of the first party-that is, Cyrus-by the brutal force of the party of the  
third party-that is, Magus-and then have the party of the second party-that is, you-have to undergo  
and curse from the party of the third party-that is, Magus-in the same five minute period. This  
generally leaves the party of the second party-that is, you or one in your scenario-open to any form  
of attack for a veritable second in the time stream, especially mental. Hence, I can drive you to  
insanity pretty dang quickly in you current state of mind-that is, most likely confusion as to what has  
happened. And since I'm here, you haven't had a chance to clear your thoughts."  
  
Again he just sort of stared at her. "And that means...?"  
  
"Comply with my wishes, and thou shalt see the light of day again."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Anyways, that was circumstance number one. Secondly, I need you to make a long term  
promise to me that could affect the lives of millions and cause less hair loss at a young age."  
  
"And that is?"  
  
"Thou shalt not speaketh like this."  
  
  
"Pardon?"  
  
"Thou. Shalt. Not. Speaketh. In. Old. English."  
  
This time he eyed her carefully as she said this. "Why are you giving me this advice when you're  
doing it?"  
  
Chaos shrugged as if she were talking to somebody she had known all her life. "It's a habit. I  
occasionally slip in and out of Old English just because... well... just because it happens. I can't  
explain why, exactly. Just something I do."  
  
"I see." Glenn thought this over for a moment, then gave his response. "All right. You want me to  
teach you how to use a sword and for me personally to not take up speaking in Old English. I don't  
see what's so hard about that, but whatever." He took a few steps back, then casually wandered over  
to the little lake/river things that are common in the Denadoro Mountains for some reason. (A/N:  
Could it be the waterfalls? Nah...) He seemed to study the water for a moment, but Chaos knew  
what he was doing; he needed to confirm what sounded distinctly like sugar-high claims of  
transmogrification and the like.   
  
Well, she had to admit, they were sugar high claims, seeing as how the entire quartet had been  
given a bag of Kettle Korn prior to their other worldly excursion. (A/N: Kettle Korn is one of those  
popcorn things that are made with tons of salt and sugar, in case you didn't know.)  
  
"I see," the frog said at long last. "I understand why Magus chose this form for me..."  
  
Chaos began muttering under her breath again. "Well, no duh you do; I was the one who stayed  
up until midnight contemplating reasons for existence and why people do what they do; who said  
you had anything to do with it." (A/N: I actually did this, for some unknown reason. I don't know  
why; I just felt like it. Mind you, I actually thought up a good reason for Magus choosing a frog. I  
mean, why not a newt?)  
  
"I heard that."  
  
She whacked her forehead. "Think, don't talk... You've been alone to long, CS, much too  
long..."  
  
Whilst the girl was berating herself for talking to herself too often, the frog had noticed something  
rather interesting floating in the water near the waterfall. Silently, he made his way over to whatever  
the item could have been and picked it up. It appeared to be some sort of book, and for whatever  
reason it had, it had become slightly waterproofed. He opened whatever pages were unstuck and  
began to look through it, a bit taken aback by some of the pictures and scenes depicted in it. He shut  
the thin paperback and stashed it away somewhere hidden on his person. He might have been able to  
use it in the future...  
  
  
Meanwhile, while Chaos was forced to contend with a talking frog, Washu was having a slightly  
more secretive time. The blond girl was carefully stalking through the woods, trying to follow the  
elusive figure she had been shadowing for the prior half hour. Now, that half hour had gone past the  
thirty one minute mark.   
  
"I hope I can sneak up on him soon," the girl muttered under her breath. "I'd LOVE to see the  
look on his face when I jump up right behind him and yell..." she stopped short in her path and her  
sentence, ducking behind a couple of bushes and peeking out through the foliage. Standing directly  
in front of her line of sight was a tall man, pale looking, with a flowing dark purple cape attached to  
his main outfit. The most distinguishing feature on him was actually the tall, shining scythe that  
stood about a foot taller than his six foot five frame already did.   
  
"Magus," Washu whispered in awe. "I don't believe it... It's him..."  
  
The man seemed relaxed, in a thinking position, trying to sort out his thoughts about something  
he had done. "Possibly feeling guilty for killing Cyrus and turning Glenn into a frog back there?"  
Washu muttered breathlessly. She considered this for a moment, then almost burst out laughing at  
the thought of Magus feeling guilty about what he had just done.   
  
The figure's head snapped around at the sound of Washu containing an outburst of laughter,  
causing his light blue hair to flow easily around him. She shut up as quickly as she could and said  
nothing, trying not to breath. Eventually the Wizard gave up trying to find his pursuer, and went  
back to thinking about whatever he was thinking about.   
  
The girl weighed her chances of getting to try and surprise Magus again. Now would be as good  
a time as any if she did so, so she began to sneak around in the bushes, trying to get in front of him,  
and she finally reached her destination a moment after departure. Angling herself correctly, she bent  
down, then sprung forward and upward towards the dark magician.   
  
"Hi, Magus!" she yelled, landing directly in front of him and craning her neck up. Her five foot  
frame had no comparison to his six foot one.   
  
Magus backed away and blinked a few times, trying to figure out who this queer girl was and  
what she was doing there, of all places. Finally his vermillion eyes focused intently on her blue.  
"Who are you?" he demanded acidly. "What are you doing here? And did you just see that scene  
back there?"  
  
Washu took in a deep breath. She wasn't going to attempt to explain the entire thing in one  
breath as Chaos had, but rather just take in a deep lung full of air to regain the oxygen she had lost  
while yelling her salutations. "Well, my name is actually Jessica (last names withheld), but my  
friend have gotten into this habit of calling me Little Washu, the name I prefer. I've been trailing  
you for the last half an hour, so yes, I did see the scene back there with Cyrus and Glenn. By the  
way, I really think you did a nice job killing Cyrus, even though it was pretty sad because... well...  
you killed somebody, but at least it was clean and virtually painless. Oh, and you did a wonderful  
job on that curse you put on Glenn; I really think that his frog form suite him better than his human  
form. Also, you are the coolest character in have seen in this video game."  
  
Stunned silence, then; "What are you talking about? And how did you know about the curse?"  
  
  
Washu grinned evilly. "I know a lot about your life, Magus. For instance, in the year twelve  
thousand BC you were this bratty little kid named Janus with an adorable purple and white kitty  
named Alfador. Correct?"  
  
Again, the magician blinked. "Yes, that's true... Do you really think Alfador is cute?"  
  
The girl nodded vigorously. "He's one of the cutest little killer attack cats I've ever seen. And it  
was so sweet how he was so loyal to you!"  
  
"Uh huh, I see."  
  
Washu thought about something for a moment while the considerably taller man tried to  
contemplate everything she had just said. Then she spoke out again. "Just a question, but what's the  
name of your sister?"  
  
"My sister?" he confirmed. "I don't know why I'm telling you all of this, you know..."  
  
"Pleeeeeaaaaasssse?"  
  
He recoiled instinctively at the high pitched squealing sound. "All right! All right! Just don't do  
that!" She immediately stopped. "Her name is Schala. (Not pronounced [Sca-la] but [Sha-la])."  
  
Without warning, Washu began pumping her fist in the air and celebrating. The vermillion eyed  
Wizard watched her, perplexed by these rather strange actions. "What are you doing?" he  
demanded.  
  
She looked up from her private celebration. "Oh? Well, one of my friend's friend has this theory  
that your name is pronounced Sca-la, but two of my friends and I both put up the argument that it's  
Sha-la rather than the hard sound like in school. We just won the bet!" (This actually happened, and  
it's the little triad being mentioned in here that actually goes with the Sha-la pronunciation)  
  
Magus only nodded mutely, finding his pursuer too be a rather strange person; scary in that sort  
of way that makes you wonder if they're sane.   
  
Washu then smiled up to him. "You wouldn't mind dragging me back to your castle, would  
you?"  
  
"Listen, kid, I have better things to do then babysit..." Then it hit him with the force of a  
jackhammer. Maybe he wouldn't have to look after this little darling child. Maybe, instead, he could  
leave her off with Ozzie, Flea, and Slash. Yes, the minions would be absolutely perfect for looking  
after this pain in his....  
  
"Well?"  
  
Magus snapped out of his thoughts and looked down at the blond girl again. "All right," he  
finally succeeded. "I'll take you to my castle; but only if you don't cause any trouble for the  
Mystics."  
  
Washu's face paled. "The Mystics..." she said questioningly.   
  
"Yes." He smiled smugly at this idea. "You're going to be in the care of Ozzie, Flea, and Slash,  
the..."  
  
"The tone deaf evil fiends," the girl finished, chuckling at this little joke.   
  
The Wizard sighed. "Yes; the tone deaf evil fiends."  
  
"Let me get this straight; you're leaving me in the custody of a fat, green, floating thing, a blue  
guy who also floats, and a transvestite."  
  
"Flea is no transvestite," Magus stated. "She is merely confused about her gender. I assure you,  
she is female. It's just something I... did... to her a while back..." (What am I talking about? Read  
"The Story of Magus" by Zealpropht. It's really cool, and really long, but it's a good fic. A link can  
be found at icybrian.com.)  
  
"Ah. I see."  
  
"Well, come along then. We'll be traveling by foot to the castle. I need to clear my head."  
  
"So, you wouldn't be in the mood for a pleasant conversation, would you?" Washu clarified as  
the Wizard started walking.   
  
"No," he replied sternly. "No, I wouldn't."  
  
"Oh," she replied. There was a momentary silence, then she piped up again. "Then, can I have a  
scythe?"  
  
The dark magician sighed heavily. "We shall see, Little Washu, we shall see."  
  
  
Aurora Firestorm felt rather groggy when she woke up the next day. Without opening her eyes,  
she yawned and sat up in bed, stretching casually. She had been part of the strangest dream! A  
quartet of friends-including her-had all fallen into the television screen when four, creepy tendrils  
had snaked out of the blank screen and taken them into the universe of the TV. Man, that had been  
the craziest dream she had ever had!  
  
Groggily, she walked over to where the bathroom should have been, almost slamming into the  
stone wall as she misjudged the precise placement of the door. She opened her eyes a little more, so  
she wasn't squinting, and looked around to try and find the bathroom.  
  
Then she opened her eyes fully and took in a sharp breath. She was in a cave, she had just been  
sleeping on a fur coat, and there was a distinctively different scent in the air. She couldn't quite  
place what it was, but whatever it was wasn't the normal balmy sub-tropical breeze of Florida.  
Wherever it was, the air tasted a little more tropical.   
  
"Ah, the hostage is awake."  
  
Aurora turned around and saw, standing at the doorway, a miniature olive green dinosaur, scales  
and all, blocking her only passage out of the room. The creature stood there, then turned its head  
over its left shoulder and seemed to yell something that sounded like; "The ape is conscious!"  
  
Aurora blinked a couple of times, trying to decipher what was going on. Then she realized just  
what had happened to her, according to both the view out the single, high-set window and the  
reptilian at the door. Her dream hadn't been a dream, and she seemed to be in the past, in the  
prehistoric ages, and trapped by Reptites.  
  
Oh, joy.  
  
A second Reptite joined the first, this one a brighter shade of green, and ran to Aurora, shoving  
the guardian Reptite out of the way. The new reptile seemed to be embroidered in a fine cloth, and  
looked a little bigger than the average Reptite.  
  
"Azala...?" Aurora asked, dumfounded by what she was seeing. "But.. What.. How.. Where..  
When..."  
  
Azala ran to the stuttering girl and immediately began to study here. "Interesting," the Reptite  
leader began to mutter under her breath. "A very interesting specimen you've brought me this time."  
A clawed hand reached out and felt the fabric of Aurora's clothing. "There's no way these apes  
could have made something like this in such a short time. Their leader is still wearing that furry gray  
bikini, isn't she?"  
  
Aurora recoiled from the touch of the dinosaurian creature. "Don't touch me again!" she  
thundered. Then she turned her gaze to the perplexed creature at the door. "And you! Move your  
sorry butt and let me through!"  
  
The Reptite stared at the girl, then promptly obeyed her command, scooting to the side of the  
door to allow the modern day human to pass by.   
  
Aurora was a bit shocked at this turn of events. The Reptites had obviously caught her, but now  
she was inadvertently ordering the scaly humanoid reptiles around.   
  
Maybe her stay in sixty-five million BC wouldn't turn out as bad as she had originally thought it  
would. If she could command the Reptites, then she could take control of the whole hoard of them,  
dethrone Azala, and... Well, she needed to think about what she would do with that kind of power.  
She couldn't wipe out the human race, but maybe she could try and bring peace between them and  
the Reptites, and then let the Ice Age decide who should survive.   
  
In the meantime, she was going to enjoy her dictatorship over the reptilian/humanoid  
combination that was the Reptites.   
  
The girl moved past the obedient Reptite, feeling Azala's eyes burning into her as she did so.  
Then, looking over her shoulder, he called out; "Keep Azala from leaving his little room in there.  
I'm going to look around this place." The reptile immediately stepped back into the doorframe,  
getting a severe throttling from the larger Reptite as he did so. Azala stepped over the fallen body  
and glared at Aurora, who was currently telling the Reptites to provide her with a proper bed and  
leaf fans and any other form of absolute pampering she needed.   
  
"And you!" she ordered the final standing reptile. "Get me a glitter ball!"  
  
Naturally the Reptite had no idea what a glitter ball was, not having been around during the time  
disco had been alive, and began to search the lair frantically for whatever resembled a 'glitter ball'  
that the commanding human spoke of.   
  
Feeling very pleased with herself, Aurora continued ordering the servant reptiles around, sending  
them to do such odd jobs of vacuuming the dishwasher and cleaning out the kitchen sink, confusing  
the Reptites beyond any relief aspirin could bring.   
  
Azala watched her carefully, not making any move to attack. This human had upstaged him so  
easily; it must have been her voice! She spoke like a Reptite, yet had a human charm to it, making  
all of the reptilian creatures obey her every command! The former Reptite leader smiled evilly and  
cackled, before being ordered to go find some sort of mode of transportation suitable for the reptile's  
new ruler. He knew just what to get her, too; a small, yet fast Runner. The Black Tyrano was too  
good for this human; the dinosaur was Azala's and hers alone!  
  
But maybe she could still best the new tyrant. It would only take a little planning time...  
  
  
And now for something completely different.  
  
Sofi, the fourth and slightly less favorable person of the odd quartet, landed with a hard thump on  
a the soft carpeting of some sort of stone structure. Then, on each side of her, a cat landed. To her  
right was a large, midnight black one with green eyes that had come to be known as Jerry. To her  
left was a regally positioned Siamese--that would turn and attack any time somebody came in close  
range of it--that had been named Chocolate. In front of her, whipping its tail in her face, was a  
tortoiseshell longhair cat named Ananda. Then on her back, was a fourth, unexpected kitty. This one  
was lavender, with darker stripes on its back.   
  
Sofi blinked a couple of times and tried to stand, not wanting to disturb the cat on her back.  
However, the animal gracefully vaulted off of her back and she stood, looking at the four cats in  
front of her. Then, with a gasp and a squeal of delight, she hugged all four cats in a death grip.  
"KITTIES!" she shouted, pulling the felines closer until it was obvious the poor critters couldn't  
breathe very well. The girl loosened her grip and the four cats fell to the floor, landing with perfect  
precision on their paws.   
  
The fair of cats all turned to the tall person, all hissing menacingly. Sofi smiled as if it were  
perfectly normal to have four cats staring at you with a look of bloodlust in their eyes. She moved to  
pet the black Siberian, and Jerry promptly clamped his razor-sharp teeth down on her wrist, making  
a rather strange looking bracelet. She didn't dare shake him off, however, seeing as how he looked  
so darn cute holding her arm in a death grip and cutting off the circulation.   
  
Without warning both the Siamese and the strange purple cat assaulter her again, each one  
gripping onto a different ear. Now her jewelry was not only of cats, but in the form of a bracelet and  
two earrings. All of these were large and furry, and possessed sharp teeth that were being put to the  
use of attacking Sofi. Sofi only chuckled, seeing that she needed another band of fangs for her other  
arm.   
  
Then the door in front of her opened up with a sharp bang against the wall, and a red headed girl  
walked into the room, wearing some sort of bluish cloth on her person. The girl blinked a couple of  
times, then assumed the role of a ditzy blonde.   
  
"HI!" she yelled, holding out her hand to try and shake Sofi's, who was still being assaulted by  
three cats while the fourth one watched, making little hissing sounds that could have been laughter.  
"My name is Princess Nadia, but since I don't like it, you can call me Marle!"  
  
Sofi held out her cat-ravaged hand and shook the princess's. "My name is Sofi, mainly because  
we can't think of a nickname for me."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
I know that this chapter wasn't too horribly funny, but my friends were rushing me to finish it  
despite the fact that the work wouldn't be as good if I did. Oh, well. I promise more humor next  
time, though; and more cat induced injuries.  
  
Oh, yeah, and please, please, PLEASE send a review. I like reviews. Please send one. Now. Why are  
you still reading this? Send it. 


	2. More Insanity, More Cat Induced Injuries

Three Fools and an Idiot  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
Written by Chaos Shadow  
Original version planned by Aurora Firestorm  
Stolen with her permission, mainly because she's one of my best friends (read her writing and  
review it, please [shameless plug in])  
Ideas submitted by Little Washu  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Sofi: Why am I constantly getting beaten up by--of all things--cats?  
  
Chaos: Because I wanted it that way.  
  
Sofi: But why not something cooler?  
  
Chaos: *grins evilly* I could always yell "It's one of Magus' troops!" and point to you...  
  
Sofi: What good would that do?  
  
Chaos: Well, I've learned the importance of bluffing. You see, by yelling "It's one of Magus'  
troops, and still being stuck with Glenn...  
  
Washu: *to Aurora* I think I know where this is going...  
  
Sofi: What can a frog do?  
  
Chaos: GASP!  
  
Aurora: Uh, oh...  
  
Washu: This can't be good for Sofi...  
  
Chaos: Thou hast dared to insult Glenn!?  
  
Sofi: *looking smug* Yes!  
  
Washu: Oh, god, this is gonna be funny...  
  
Chaos: You're just asking for a death sentence....  
  
Sofi: And why's that?  
  
Chaos: NEVER insult ANYBODY'S very-close-race second favorite character and expect to get  
away without being put through major pain!  
  
Sofi: Umm...  
  
Chaos: *takes in a deep breath and points* IT'S ONE OF MAGUS' TROOPS!  
  
*screen goes black and a really loud banging sound is heard*  
*screen fades back in with Washu and Aurora with their eyes closed trying not to laugh*  
  
Chaos: *barely not cracking up* To be hurt by... by Frog Squash... Oh, man, I should have had  
my camera ready... *bursts out laughing* That's almost as good as Poyozo Dance!  
  
Aurora: Well, since these two are laughing too insanely to communicate properly, I guess I'll say  
it; we own nothing involving Chrono Trigger, since Squaresoft is too greedy to accept our two  
dollars and fifty cents when we tried to buy the right to the characters and all.  
  
Washu: Hey! We promised them that we'd let them keep Marle and Robo! And we promised to  
give them Chaos' cousin! (That would be Kakor Shadow, and he will get beaten up in the near  
future.)  
  
Aurora: That we did...  
  
Sofi: Ow.....  
  
Chaos: Still in pain, Sofi?  
  
Sofi: Yes...  
  
Chaos: Good. Still wondering what a frog can do?  
  
Sofi: No...  
  
Lessons Learned today, kiddies, are to never insult Magus or Glenn whilst I'm around. Pain is a  
very bad thing, you know... Very bad... for it is painful...  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
Part II  
  
"... And that is how we got here! Or at least, how I got here, because I don't think that Little  
Washu or Aurora fell off a cliff quiet in that fashion. Though I do wonder what happened to  
Sofi..."  
  
Glenn nodded impatiently. "Yes, yes, that's all fine and good and well, but what does that  
have to do with anything I just asked you?"  
  
Chaos cocked her head, giving him a questioning glance. "What do you mean?" she inquired  
innocently. "I just told you everything about how we got here!"  
  
"No, you didn't. I asked you 'How did you get here?' and about two seconds later you said  
'And that's how we got here!'"  
  
She heaved a heavy sigh. "That's how it works in video games when somebody is explaining  
something for a really long time," she muttered ruefully. "I don't believe it didn't work." Chaos  
tried to think about why it hadn't succeeded so that she wouldn't need to actually explain herself,  
what could have possibly happened to her friends, and why duct tape sounded so similar to duck  
tape.  
  
Then she figured it out.  
  
"Wait, I get why it didn't work now," she managed to gasp.  
  
"Why?" Glenn asked, feeling yet more anxious now that she seemed to be stalling giving a  
credible reason for why she was there. "Is it because you actually have to say something?"  
  
"No!" Chaos answered sharply. "It's because the screen has to go all black and junk before  
time skips and moves forward to the end of the explanation!"  
  
There was a brief moment of silence, then Glenn walked over to the arching stone wall of the  
cliff and placed his hand against it, bowing his head and sighing deeply. Then, without warning,  
he commenced banging his forehead against the dirt and stone obstruction, emphasizing every  
word he spoke to himself with another whack.  
  
"I"-THWACK-"can't"-THWACK-"believe"-THWACK-"that"-THWACK-"this"-THWACK-  
"is"-THWACK-"happening"-THWACK-"to"-THWACK-"me!" With final sharp sting of pain he  
uneasily swooned away from the wall, rubbing the sore spot that had appeared from hitting his  
head against a wall some.... um... one, two, three... eight, I think that is.... Is that eight? Yeah,  
some eight times. It must have hurt, too... Ow...  
  
"Umm... Why are you banging your head against a wall?" Chaos asked almost innocently, as  
if she were blissfully unaware that she was driving the poor guy crazy.  
  
Glenn sighed heavily, wondering just how he had gotten stuck in such an... unfavorable...  
situation. Then he looked up, obviously very perturbed at the prospect of what he was about to  
announce to this nuisance.  
  
"All right," the frog managed to sigh. "You obviously have no idea where you are, so..." He  
shuddered as he considered this-"I might as well show you... around..."  
  
A slight, golden moment of silence, and Glenn could almost swear that she was going to turn  
down his offer. Unfortunately, his desperate wish was soon... screwed up.  
  
"Sure, I'll go with you!"  
  
He was sorely tempted to go back to hitting his head against the stone wall.  
  
"Besides," she added darkly a moment later. "If you hadn't offered me a free tour of this  
place, I would have been forced to trail you anyway." She grinned wickedly. "People do not like  
it when I manage to trail them!" She slipped into a booming maniacal laugh, eyes closed, head  
thrown back and cackling wickedly.   
  
She had the small satisfaction of completely freaking Glenn out. He turned with a heavy sigh.  
"Fine, fine," he muttered. "Just follow me and actually tell me where you came from."  
  
"Darn," she hissed to herself. "I didn't want to dispense that information!"  
  
"Too bad."  
  
They began to walk out of the mountains, then Chaos began to talk again. "Hold up," she  
said, almost stopping. "I was just wondering something."  
  
Glenn closed his eyes in annoyance. "What is it?"  
  
"Can you teach me how to use a sword? As in, as soon as we get back to the Cursed Woods?"  
  
"All right! All right!" he yelled, defeated. "I teach you how to... Wait a minute." He spun  
around suddenly, forcing the hazel eyed girl to stop in her tracks lest she ram into him. "I don't  
live in the Cursed Woods!"  
  
Again she smiled somewhat evilly. "Guess what? You do now."  
  
The frog could only groan in some sort of mental anguish. This was not his best day.  
  
  
"I told you to fetch a glitter ball!"  
  
The shaking Reptite vainly held up a Croaker he had stolen from the Human's Hunting  
Range. He was ravaged by scars and bruises, obviously found by the Human's while stealing the  
small green toad creature. "This was the closest I could come up with!" he panted, pulling a  
sharp stick out of his side. "When it inflates, it does look like a ball..."  
  
"That's not what I meant!" Aurora screamed, snatching up the Croaker. She looked at it  
closely. "Besides," she muttered. "This is a Rain Frog." She tossed the amphibian over her  
shoulder. "And I could have sworn those things look more like toads than frogs."  
  
The Reptite backed away, humbly bowing to the girl as she sat atop the throne that had been  
made for Azala. "Should I.... Should I go and see if I can find one?" he stammered, backing  
away farther.   
  
Aurora sighed heavily. "Yes, yes, go and redeem yourself for your failure."  
  
The lime Reptite nodded quickly. "Oh, of course ma'am, I'll find you a proper... 'glitter  
ball'... Don't worry about that!" He bowed politely and ran off as quickly as he could to retrieve  
the Rain Frog.  
  
Aurora sighed contentedly and leaned back in the stone throne, resting as well as she could  
against the hard and cold gravel she sat on. She could rather enjoy her stay. Now, she just needed  
one final satisfaction to make it perfect.   
  
"AZALA!" she yelled, beckoning the former leader of the reptiles to come and wait on her.   
  
Azala ran into the throne room, bounding with every step, hoping that her new overlord  
wouldn't ask for her most prized possession. "What is it, Aurora?" she queried, sitting down to  
rest her aching muscles.   
  
"I want transportation, Azala," Aurora hissed, sitting upright in her new throne, "and I want it  
soon. Fork over the Black Tyrano."  
  
Azala took a few steps back. The Black Tyrano was her pet; she wasn't going to give it up to  
a human! She had to think of a story, and think of it quick...  
  
"It's hibernating," the Reptite lied lamely. "I would rather not wake him up. He had a very  
nasty temper, and is extremely grouchy when woken up from his slumber..."  
  
"Oh, all right," the girl sighed, leaning back in her chair. "Then at least get me some sort of  
transport. I'd like to be able to get around, you know."  
  
The female reptile stepped back. "Don't worry, don't worry, you'll get your transport, you'll  
get your transport." She turned around, and promptly slammed straight into a wall. Rubbing her  
wounds, she walked out of the exit she had just missed.   
  
Aurora waited a moment, then the Reptite she had sent to get a glitter ball returned suddenly,  
again holding the Rain Frog. This time the amphibian was covered in what looked like broken  
up pieces of Dreamstone. "I have... a... glittering... ball... thingy..." he panted, skidding to a halt  
in front of his newly proclaimed president. "It's... the closest thing... I could find..."  
  
Aurora leaned forward to inspect the frog, then nodded in approval. "It will do for now," she  
said. "Now get me some rope."  
  
The Reptite looked up, still clutching the Rain Frog. "Rope?" he said questioningly.   
  
Aurora sighed. "Yes, rope. You know, twine, string, binding, fastener,"-here she produced a  
dictionary from the backpack she had carried with her-"leash, tether..." She haphazardly tossed  
the book behind her, and a pained yelp came from the Reptite behind the throne, the one that  
was busily trying to figure out what a dishwasher was. "Let's try getting some vines, hmm?"  
  
"Oh! Vines! I see." He turned to another Reptite. "Hey! Get some vines! The queen wants  
'em!"  
  
The violet lizard saluted smartly and ran off the retrieve some vines. When he returned,  
Aurora was barking out orders again.   
  
"You, with the twine, tie it around the Rain Frog! You, the one with nothing to do, tie the  
frog to the ceiling! Yes, I mean literally! You, the one who I just told to tie the frog to the  
ceiling, stay there and spin it around! You, the one who... um..."  
  
The indigo Reptite turned. "Please," he said slowly. "Just call me Bob."  
  
"Oh, all right. Bob! Keep the torches lit! You--I'm naming you Fred--get some food!"  
  
"But my name is George."  
  
"Well, now it's Fred!"  
  
George... or should I say, Fred... stalked off to wherever the veritable kitchen for the Reptites  
is to retrieve some food, muttering curses under his breath. This was going to be a really long  
day for all of them. Besides that, now his name was Fred!  
  
  
"And THAT'S what really happened to us."  
  
Glenn nodded in approval. "Finally. I didn't think I'd get it out of you."  
  
"Well, technically you didn't, because Aurora's day overshadowed the time it took for me to  
explain all of that," Chaos replied smugly, grinning. "So I didn't actually tell you all of that stuff  
you just heard!"  
  
A small wisp of white air came out of the frogs mouth; the ancient and ever-so-well-known  
Anime sigh of exasperation. "I don't know how on Earth your logic works, but it does,  
somehow..."  
  
"Of course it does!" the hazel eyed girl yelled. "I'm the author of this stupid thing."  
  
"Yes, I got that point," he grumbled, then looked directly in front of them. "And why are we  
standing at a bush?"  
After a good amount of walking, the pair had arrived at the Cursed Woods. Well, actually, it  
was about a minute's worth of walking according to the World Map, but it was translated  
somehow into an hour. The laws of physics obviously work in different ways in the CT world,  
Chaos thought as she desperately looked for a place to sit down. Then she got a better idea.   
  
"This bush..." she muttered, then snapped her fingers. "Now I know why it looks familiar!  
You enter through the back of it!"  
  
"Enter what?"  
  
Oh, of course. Glenn hadn't obsessively played a Playstation for about nine hours straight.   
  
"Well, I don't know how it works exactly," she began to explain, "but I think there's a ladder  
in the back of that bush that leads into a hidden chamber under the ground that conveniently holds  
a dresser, full wardrobe, and all of that nice stuff, including a table and three chairs. She  
commenced poking around the bush, trying to find an entrance below.   
  
"I don't think you'll find anything of interest in there," Glenn stated, tilting his head to the side  
as Chaos was down on her hands and knees trying to find the entrance. "It's not going to work."  
  
"Shows how much YOU know!" she yelled from underneath the bush. "Now, if I could just  
find that ho..." Her voice cut off suddenly, then there was a soft thump as if something had fallen.  
Then her words came back, dazed and confused. "I.... I think I found it..." she murmured from  
underneath the bush.   
  
Surprised, the frog went around to the other side and gently pushed aside a couple of  
branches, revealing a small hole with a ladder descending from the top. At the bottom of the  
ladder, sprawled out in a heap, was Chaos. He managed to chuckle slightly. "Yes, I think you did  
find it."  
  
She looked up, eyes ablaze, and glared darkly at him. "Shut.... up...." she managed to say. "I  
didn't do anything to you... Did I?"  
  
"You dragged me over here and gave me a good laugh," he replied smoothly. "I'd say that's  
enough."  
  
"Oh, be quiet and get down here." She paused, thinking of something. "And toss down my  
backpack."  
  
Glenn looked up over the bush and noticed a tie-dye style backpack on the ground. Before he  
could move to reach it, however, a lithe, blue snake slithered from the bushes, picked up the  
backpack, and went away again. He blinked; that couldn't be good.   
  
"Your backpack has been stolen," he said, still slightly shocked.   
  
"What?" she demanded from her sprawled out position on the ground.   
  
"Your. Backpack. Has. Been. Stolen."  
  
She was out of the hole so fast she couldn't have possibly had time to stand up. "Well?! What  
are you waiting for!? Which way did the thief go?"  
  
Glenn pointed. "That way, but I don't think you can get it back from him with a weapon..."  
  
Then she held out her hand, as if expecting to be given something. "Fork it over," she stated  
calmly.   
  
"Fork what over?"  
  
Chaos sighed heavily. "Your sword, you fool. I need your sword."  
  
"Why do you want it?"  
  
"How ELSE am I supposed to wreak bloody revenge on the thing that stole my backpack?  
MY MEMORY CARD WAS IN THERE!"  
  
"But you don't know how to wield it!" he argued. "You couldn't use it if your life depended  
on it... Or this 'Memory Card' thing..."  
  
It was time for Chaos to smile demonically in perfect reflection of Aurora's evil grin. "Exactly  
why you're giving me a five minute sword lesson right now," she hissed.   
  
H gave her the sword and--for his own life--began to teach her how to use it, very quickly, in a  
rushed breath that somehow managed to teach her everything she needed to know.   
  
'How do I get into these things?' Glenn silently asked himself. 'I just had to listen to mom,  
didn't I? "Now, hun, you should pursue your dream to become a knight, you know. Now go off  
and join Cyrus on many danger ridden adventures so that you can go and get your head chopped  
off, or have some horrible curse put on you, or something of the sort, and leave your poor mother  
here to worry night and day about you and get a horrible case of sleep deprivation." Or maybe she  
was being sarcastic about that...'  
  
"I have an idea to make this go a whole lot faster, you know."  
  
He was abruptly snapped from his rather morbid thoughts to look up at Chaos as she held,  
along with the sword underneath her arm, a small box with a glowing red button.   
  
"What's that?" he asked.  
  
She looked up. "It's a Time/Space Distortion Box Thingy," she explained. "I'll screw up time  
and space enough to go ahead nine years in time. I'm not sure if it works, as I've never tested it."  
  
Glenn took a few steps back. "What could happen?" he inquired cautiously.  
  
"Well, it could either work and send everyone within a ten foot radius consciously into the  
future nine years, or send everyone within a ten foot radius hurtling to their imminent doom." She  
looked up and smiled cheerfully. "I'm gonna test it now!"  
  
"No, wait! Don't touch that..."  
  
But she had already hit the button.  
  
  
"Say, Magus?"  
  
Magus turned around and looked down to see the girl jumping hyperly up and down. "What is  
it?" he growled. "I have better things to do than this."  
  
"Well, I was just wondering..." she began, smiling like a lunatic going to a death sentence.  
"Could I have a scythe?"  
  
He stopped what he was doing midway and dropped a small vial full of transparent liquid to  
the floor. It crashed with an echoing tinkling sound, spilling the fluid within, along with a small  
twist of lemon Washu had neglected to notice earlier. "What did you say?" he demanded, fully  
turning around to face her.   
  
"Could I have a scythe?" she repeated. "I mean, I want to learn how to use one, since they're  
the coolest weapons in the world. Besides..." she smiled demonically, "I'll leave you alone for a  
while...."  
  
"Listen... 'Washu'... I can't just give you a scythe like that. You'd need to prove you're  
worthy enough to stand in this castle, you'd need to..."  
  
"PLEEEEEEAAAAASE!?"  
  
The dark mage recoiled at that high pitched and drawn out word. "All right, all right!" he  
shouted. "I'll give you one! Just stop that!"  
  
Washu immediately ceased and accepted the scythe that had magically appeared in front of her.  
It was about a foot higher than she was, but Washu couldn't have cared less if she had tried. It  
was a scythe; a real scythe, for her to use, for her to attack with, to chop with, the slice and dice  
carrots and celery with on a stupid infomercial, and to decapitate with.   
  
She was going to have some fun with Ozzie, Flea, and Slash now.  
  
"Thank you!" she said hurriedly, rushing off to another wing of the castle. Magus sighed and  
glared at the mess on the floor, forcing it to vanish. "That's better," he muttered. "I think I've just  
ordered a death sentence for somebody..." He stopped himself mid sentence and smiled. "I'd like  
to watch that." Without another word to himself he vanished, teleporting to find and follow  
Washu to figure out who she was going to kill.   
  
Meanwhile, the girl was stalking through the castle, scythe raised high, trying to find any traces  
of Ozzie, Flea, and Slash so she could beat them up; badly. She stopped in a large and spacious  
room, staring directly across from it at a floating, green blob at the end. Silently she crept in,  
trying not to make a sound lest the fat Mystic leader turn around suddenly, and snuck up behind  
him, rasing her scythe in a threatening position, preparing to swing it down when...  
  
She remember that she had no idea how to handle a scythe.  
  
"Oops," she whispered as the drag of the blade began to pull down, just barely rushing by  
Ozzie. He turned at the wind current and saw his assassin, unquestioningly hiding behind a barrier  
of ice in a flash. Washu picked up the blade and swung it at his head with all the force she could,  
but it still missed, sailing directly above him.   
  
It was at this time that Magus happened to teleport right in the path of the blade.  
  
"Ah! No!" she yelled trying to fight with the edge and keep it away from Magus, but the force  
and speed combined and sent it hurtling for the Wizard's head. She closed her eyes, knowing  
what would happen to her when Magus deflected the shot, then slowly opened one as the scythe  
flew out of her hands. Magus stood in front of her, calmly, and the blade rested in the wall behind  
him, stuck in the rock. She innocently hid her hands behind her back.   
  
"I didn't do it, you didn't see me do it, and I'll never do it again?" the girl whispered  
desperately, cringing as Magus raised his hand again. "Please don't turn me into anything  
unnatural, okay? If you really have to, kill me first, okay?"   
  
The Wizard simply laughed at this. "Your fear is rather amusing, Little Washu, yet you could  
actually pick the stupid, rusted thing up. I'm impressed; you have potential. I'll make sure that  
never happens again now; I'll give you lessons on how to use that thing. Just, please... Don't  
intentionally try and kill my three henchmen. I'd rather try and do that myself."  
  
Washu smiled evilly this time as Magus summoned the scythe from the wall into his free hand.  
"So... could you... um..." She tried to word her phrase carefully; "give me flying lessons after  
this?"  
  
"No," he said firmly. Washu sighed, then perked at his next words. "Maybe later, however; if  
you prove yourself by not killing these three 'Tone deaf evil fiends' in nine years."  
  
Washu nodded, then graciously took the scythe, just as there was a huge flash of light and a  
ticking noise in her mind. She could feel herself moving along something, then sighed as she  
looked around in white space; at this rate, she's NEVER get her scythe lessons!  
  
  
  
"So, your name is Sofi, right?" the ditzy princess asked.  
  
"Yep. And your name is Marle, right?" Sofi replied.   
  
"Yep!"  
  
"All right!"  
  
Sofi raised her right arm in front her face, ignoring the crimson lines flowing down her arm,  
and began to pet the black Siberian cat that hung from her wrist. "You're so cute!" she cried,  
petting the silky black fur of the cat. Jerry only dug his teeth deeper into her arm as she did this,  
hissing through his bite.   
  
Ananda, who had been sitting regally on Sofi's head, leapt off in such an easy fashion as was  
only possible with a cat, and went up to Marle, hissing slightly and batting a paw at the blonde  
princess.  
  
Suddenly, from the door, two FBI-style guys burst in, holding Sofi and her barrage of cat key  
chains at sword point. "You're under arrest for attacking the princess!" one of the soldiers yelled.  
Then, speaking to the others; "Put her in one of them Crazy Buckets!"  
  
The other soldiers--I think it was... One, two, three, four... Eight in total (why does everything  
having to do with pain involve eight?)--tackled Sofi and clamped her and the cats in a Crazy  
Bucket; a tight crazy bucket. The only thing visible was an air hole rather than her head. They  
even went as far as to stuff Ananda in there.   
  
"Take her to the dungeon," the main guard said lazily, walking in the opposite direction. "I'm  
getting a cup of Yahoo for this..."  
  
A blinding flash of light was all over the kingdom, Sofi and the cats heard a ticking noise, and  
then everything stopped.  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Crazy Buckets from Zim! Those things are the coolest!  
  
If your wondering why Sofi's parts are so short, she didn't exactly volunteer for this story, and  
I'd rather not force her to get beaten up by cats that often (I'm saving it for Poyozo Dance, Frog  
Squash, Grand Dream, Electric Conductivity, Antipode 4, etc., etc.)   
  
And Washu, here's my theory on the frog thing; Why didn't Magus turn Glenn into something...  
um... different? You know, like a newt (Well, he might have watched Monty Python and the Holy  
Grail, since that guy 'Got better') or a chicken (That's being saved for Marle, of course, but still!)  
Well, other than the simple argument that Akira Toriyama demanded to draw frogs in FMVs  
(You never know what goes through an animators mind... You just don't) I think it was the  
interrelationship between his personality traits as a human as the glaring thing you saw from the  
Frog King. Think about it; Glenn showed himself as a coward while he was human, not wanting  
to fight and probably anticipating that he would completely lose it if he needed to kill anything  
("You must cut a leaf from a plant, Glenn.""NO!") and the Frog King was... well... obviously a  
coward. After all; "Why are you picking on a helpless amphibian!?" *runs*   
Nobody tell me that doesn't make sense, because it does. And... well... who knows? Akira just  
might have felt this queer need to draw frogs in FMVs...  
  
~ Chaos Shadow 


	3. One Small Step for Psychos, One Giant Le...

Three Fools and an Idiot  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
Written by Chaos Shadow  
Original Version (now complete with a failed attempt at melting the Masamune) stolen from  
Aurora Firestorm  
Ideas submitted by Little Washu  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Sofi: I am SICK and TIRED of this!  
  
Chaos: Oh, hush up and just say your line!  
  
Sofi: *reading a slip of paper* We do not own anything related to Chrono Trigger. At all. That  
belongs to the mean, nasty, spiteful people at Squaresoft who turned down our kind offer to them.  
  
Aurora: I can't believe they didn't fork over the copyright laws to us!  
  
Washu: Yeah! This time we wanted to give them FIVE dollars! AND we let them keep Robo and  
Marle too!   
  
Chaos: And all rights to those little colored stones... except the black one.  
  
Sofi: And all the cats except for Alfador.  
  
Aurora: And everything from Chrono Cross....  
  
Washu: Plus an extra two cents!  
  
Chaos: Don't forget the cake we baked them!  
  
Washu: Those people were mean.  
  
Aurora: All we did was show them a piece of paper stating who and what we wanted, and they  
kicked us out!  
  
Sofi: Maybe you should have let them keep Crono too... I mean, his IS mute.  
  
Chaos: Maybe... But, in the meantime, we have our kitties! The next two I get are being named  
Schala and Janus!  
  
Washu: I told you I wouldn't let you name one of them Janus...  
  
Chaos: Fine, fine.... Magus, then.  
  
Washu: Name it Glenn!  
  
Chaos: When I find one that's green, I will.  
  
Aurora: Would you like to help me storm Squaresoft and demand the rights?  
  
Sofi: I need to do something other than get beaten up by cats...  
  
Chaos: *whispering* That's what the sequel's for....  
  
Sofi: Huh?  
  
Chaos: Never mind, never mind...  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Part III  
  
"...Button!"  
  
"Umm.... Glenn? I... I don't think we're dead yet."  
  
He looked around the small glade the two were standing in. "No, I guess we aren't."  
  
They weren't dead, but the surrounding area had changed drastically. Trees had grown taller,  
some had been torn down, paths of dirt were cut out leading to the southern entrance of the  
woods, and most notably-to Chaos at least, because it was her the change applied to-she was  
wearing one of Glenn's trademarked forest green cloaks, obviously stolen from the conveniently  
full wardrobe of the hovel. Other than that, she hadn't aged a year.  
  
"Man," she muttered. "This is cool!"  
  
"This is so very encouraging," Glenn muttered. "I've been living here for nine years... Giving  
you sword lessons for nine years.... COOKING for nine years..."  
  
"Hey, I offered to take the job!" Chaos argued suddenly. Then she grinned demonically. "Say,  
how about you make frog's legs for dinner tonight..."  
  
This easy comment was met with a strategically placed sword at the throat.  
  
"Take it easy!" she cried, carefully moving away from the shining blade of the sword. "I was  
kidding! Just kidding! Gee..."  
  
The sword was removed from her throat. She then remembered that she was supposed to  
breath. Finally catching up with her breath, she sighed and rubbed her sore neck. The blade had  
almost nicked her skin, but... It was true that Glenn was a master swordsman; scars from the  
training were constant and painful reminders of that fact.   
  
Then she did have a slight idea. "How long has it been since we were last at Guardia,  
anyways?" she inquired.   
  
"Two months, I believe..." the frog began, then stopped short. "Why?"  
  
"Well, I was just wondering if they wouldn't mind accommodating us for one meal..." She let  
it hang for a moment, then quickly added; "No offense to your... um... culinary skills or anything,  
of course..." Chaos said smoothly under the frosty glare she received.  
  
"I would think not," he answered just as smoothly, sheathing his sword.   
  
"It's just that... I need some real food. I mean, I just... do."  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
Finally she gave in to her inner emotions, jumped up, tackled him and thundered; "I NEED TO  
GET SOME PASTA, GOSH DARN IT!" She released her death grip on the collar of his cloak  
and whirled around in a flurry of forest green, then called back rather cheerfully. "I'm off to raid  
the food storage. I'll be back in a couple of hours."  
  
He watched her go off, knowing somehow that she would never succeed. The last time she  
had tried to raid Guardia's food supply, Chaos had wound up in the steam room, set a cat loose,  
causing the feline to knock a broom on a temperature dial of one of the steam room... things....  
and make it go the max. Of course, the knight captain had been in there at the time...  
  
That had been quite the image, the knight captain storming out of the room covered in red.  
The food raid hadn't worked in the end, because... well... The steam room was on the opposite  
end of the castle.  
  
Her raids would never work, and he knew it; they BOTH knew it, but she was just too darn  
stubborn.   
  
Then, before she had managed to exit the forest, Chaos turned around and dashed back to the  
bush, hopping down the open hole, and climbing out again, holding a scabbard attached to a belt  
with a sword in it. She smiled wildly, then blushed. "Umm... This is my sword, isn't it?"  
  
Glenn nodded, and she quietly climbed out of the hole and dashed through the North entrance.  
  
Besides, it just might work... in about a million years.  
  
  
Meanwhile, already at Guardia Castle, Washu was mingling with a rather large hoard of  
Mystics, trying to find some breathing space. She pushed her way through the roving crowd,  
trying to get to the front lines and demand an explanation for what had happened. She had been  
standing in a random room one minute, about to get scythe lessons, and then-Whoosh!   
  
Washu was aware of something in her hand, thought what it was she couldn't be sure until she  
decided to look. In fact, when she decided to look, she was almost beside herself with delight. She  
was holding a scythe! An actual scythe! And she knew how to wield it without fault! Sweet!   
  
Then she remembered how she had gotten there. It was a Mystic raid, and she was there for  
one purpose; steal the food within the kitchen.   
  
Obviously Washu had needed to rely on Ozzie, Flea, and Slash to do the cooking in Magus'  
castle, and since they were Mystics and she... well, wasn't... then the cuisine of the castle was not  
exactly the most favorable.   
  
She tightened her grip on the scythe and continued to sneak through the lines, all the while  
thinking about how cool it was to have totally skipped nine years of her life and have hardly  
changed at all, plus never really needing to ingest all the horrible stuff Ozzie had tried to cook.  
Fortunately, she had taught Flea how to bake cakes, muffins, brownies, and all those nice, fluffy  
bakery products.   
  
She made it up to the front line and quietly snuck out the side, sprinting off to the castle door  
to reach it before anybody in the Mystic's lines could get there. She succeeded and slipped in just  
before a legion of knights burst out of the opening with the dreams of getting slaughtered by  
Magus.   
  
Washu looked around and randomly chose to go through the right corridor, sprinting along  
that path to the door at the end. She opened the door just as the cook went running out of it.  
  
"You idiot!" he screamed, probably at the knight captain. "You forgot to take the rations  
again! That will probably somehow carry over into the next year on Zenan Bridge when some  
weird people will come from nowhere and managed to help you by bringing you one piece of  
jerky then promptly fighting off the deceased soldiers some fat green guy raised from the dead and  
destroying a combination of four of them called Zombor while you and your troops just sit back  
and do nothing!"  
  
Washu cackled maniacally at the rather accurate depiction of Zenan Bridge and dashed  
through the door while the cook's back was turned. She made it easily into the kitchen, and  
promptly began looking around for an oversized garbage bag that should have been lying around  
for whatever reasons there were. One promptly appeared due to my omnipotent powers to  
progress the story.  
  
And there was much rejoicing.   
  
"Yay."  
  
Washu grabbed the bag and pulled it into the main kitchen area where all the food was stored,  
praying nobody was there. By some weird coincidence, nobody was, so she began dashing around  
madly pulling ingredients from the shelves and storing them in the bag. After she had enough food  
to feed an army--which was all going to be used in her private storerooms--she began to drag the  
swollen bag out of the door, somehow managing to make it fit out of the castle.  
  
"Well," she managed through gritted teeth. "I've... at least... got... some sort of... edible...  
food... in here..."   
  
Her thoughts of a feast were abruptly cut off by the screaming din of the cook. She turned  
around to see him.   
  
"What are you doing?" the man demanded, shaking a skewer as if it were a sword. "You've  
taken everything from the cellar except for a single bag of flour!"  
  
Washu paused in her retreat, thought over this for a second, then responded; "Thanks for the  
kind reminder, but I left it for you. I didn't need another bag of flour; I already got about ten of  
them."  
  
Then, as if from nowhere, the chief brandished another skewer, gleaming silver in the light, a  
spatula, a kabob stick, and a frying pan, tossing his original implement of doom for kitchen foods  
into the ground and running at Washu, screaming something about paying for that and that he  
wanted the lettuce at least. The blue eyed girl grinned evilly.   
  
"Have a nice day!" she yelled after him, then in an amazing display of speed for somebody so  
heavily weighed down with a bag of food, she sprinted off to the hoard of Mystics, who were just  
teleporting away with whatever goods they had swiped. Obviously her food raid had taken an  
hour to gather all the supplies, then mull over wether or not she needed an eleventh flour bag.   
  
Teleporting away without her!  
  
"Hey! Come back here!" she cried up at a vanishing/flying Mystic at random. "I need to go  
with you!"  
  
Then she spotted, to her abhorrence, the fat green Mystic leader coming for her.   
  
"All right, you lousy pain in the..."  
  
"Neck?" she suggested, cutting him off from a much ruder phrase.  
  
"Lower," he growled. "What did you steal from the castle? It had better be good..."  
  
Washu's grin only widened as Ozzie inquired about this. "Oh, it is," she muttered, motioning  
to the bulging sack behind her. "About a ton of food. Literally. Or should I say laterally."  
  
Ozzie looked up at this and immediately tried to clap the girl on her back. She quickly  
unsheathed her scythe to ward him off of the motion. "Umm... What do you have in there?" he  
asked, backing away while the Guardia army was obviously preparing a counterattack on the two  
slackers.   
  
Blue eyes gazed back that the huge heap of delicacies--at least in fort--and turned back to  
Ozzie. "Oh, I don't know," she said, toying with the fat Mystic. "Maybe some cakes, a couple of  
cookies, jerky, ham, bread, plenty of juices, a wine or two for your cellars since I don't drink (and  
that's all you're getting), ten bags of flour, icing, water from the lack of any such fluids in the fort,  
pastas and the like, fish, and a bunch of additional cooking utensils. Oh, and I think that one of the  
people on kitchen duty is in there..."  
  
Promptly a voice came out of the bag. "Let me out of here! I can't breathe! I'm not going to  
starve to death, but I can't breathe! I've been holding my breath for an hour! Let me out of this  
thing!" There was a pause. "Please?"  
  
Washu looked back. "Nope. Sorry. Don't waste your breath."  
  
Ozzie nodded. "Inadvertent Deceased fodder, correct?"  
  
She shuddered. "Definitely inadvertent. So, can you take me back?"  
  
An arrow from one of the Guardian archers whizzed in front of them, but neither the girl nor  
the Mystic took notice of this rather close shave. "I think I will," he said, eyeing the food bag.  
"Now, if I can just see that bag..."  
  
A hailstorm of arrows rained from the sky as the archers' horrible aim came into play while  
Washu handed over the bag. None of the falling arrows came anywhere near them as the sky  
turned dark while they showered down. Ozzie greedily grabbed the lip of the bag, which was at  
least three times as large as he was, and began to disappear, trying to leave Washu behind.   
  
The blue eyed girl was not to be foiled that easily. Just as the white light began to appear and  
Ozzie commenced to disappear, she lunged for the food bag, grabbed it, and held as tight as she  
could while the teleportation took place. Then, in a brilliant flash, the two were gone just as the  
archers began hitting the spot where they had been seconds before.   
  
  
Aurora looked up and around the room she was in, realizing with a start that it looked rather  
different than the one she had been in before the weird flash of light had come. The Rain Frog was  
now hanging from the ceiling, little pieces of Dreamstone glinting off of it and making a glitter  
ball effect, and a large table was lined along a wall, with all sorts of prehistoric foods on it,  
steaming hot.  
  
Suddenly she realized a memory she hadn't experienced was playing in her mind, one involving  
her teaching the Reptites how to use fire and create ice cream.  
  
"Now," she was saying to the crowd of reptiles, "I don't eat raw foods. You do, I don't; I  
can't eat raw foods, except for vegetables and fruits, and I don't eat vegetables that often."  
  
  
One lavender Reptite raised his hand... claw... thingy. "Then how do you eat?" he asked  
skeptically.   
  
Aurora smiled demonically and lit a match she happened to be carrying in her backpack, then  
easily tossed the flame onto the dry logs near her. It burst into a burning fire and the reptiles  
backed away a couple of steps. She just laughed. "Relax! Relax! Fire is only dangerous if you get  
to close to it! And you can use it to cook."  
  
"What is 'cooking'?" another Reptite asked.   
  
Aurora shook her head, sending her blond hair in purdy ripples. "That's an easy question.  
Cooking is when you prepare food so it's no longer raw."  
  
There was much 'Ooh' -ing and 'Ahh' -ing from the crowd in front of her.   
  
"You!" she suddenly demanded. "Come over here!"  
  
The Reptite in question stepped forward in front of her. Then the only human in the  
convention pointed to another one. "Bob! Bring me some rope!"  
  
Bob saluted at the fact that she had remembered his name and darted off to gather the vines he  
would need.   
  
Aurora pointed again. "Fred! Get me a large, sturdy stick!"  
  
George--beg pardon, I should say Fred--grumbled that she would never call him by his proper  
name and stalked off for a large branch. After length the two Reptites returned, each holding  
whatever item they had been assigned to achieve.  
  
"Good, good," Aurora had said. "Now, tie him up by the arms and legs!" They did so the  
dino-human that had been standing in front of her. "Great. Now, give me the stick." She took the  
thick branch and put the Reptite on his back, forcing the branch under the restrains and somehow  
managing to heft him upwards. "All right, now, if we just do this...."  
  
Aurora maneuvered the Reptite over the roaring fire. "This is how you cook things," she  
demonstrated. "You hold the piece of meat over a fire, away from you, and when the skin begins  
to get darker and steam, then you test it."  
  
She managed to chuckle at that experience, watching a Reptite sweat above a hot fire. He  
probably still had burn marks.  
  
Just then a large, orange colored creature dashed into the room, screaming for its life as it ran  
away from its pursuer, then promptly stopped right in front of Aurora. The fairly tall blond girl  
had no idea what was going on, but instinctively snatched up a homemade crossbow--which just  
happened to look absolutely perfect--and vaulted off the heavy throne to face the opening of the  
room.  
  
She waited.  
  
Then, in a burst of speed, a blonde cavewoman sporting a purple furry bikini dashed into the  
room, wielding a club. Her entrance was heralded by two Reptites suddenly coming in from  
behind her crying "It's Ayla! It's Ayla! Get her!"  
  
All of the reptiles in the room looked up at the entrance, screamed like little girls, and began to  
run for the other side of the room.   
  
However, Aurora alone stood her ground, not ready to fall.   
  
Ayla looked over. "Where Reptite leader?" she inquired in broken English. "Ayla want kill  
Azala!" She spotted Aurora, holding a crossbow, then a puzzled look crossed her face. "What  
human do in Reptite lair?" she asked. Then, growling suddenly, she demanded; "Human join  
Reptites? Bad! Ayla kill so no happen again!"  
  
"Oh, shoot," Aurora muttered as the cavewoman began to descend upon her, club held high,  
and...  
  
Well, let's just say that many a bruise was given to Aurora since I'm not in the mood to type  
up a one-sided battle scene.   
  
Ayla laughed triumphantly and ran off back to her village, leaving a slightly crippled Aurora to  
try and stand despite the lancing pain her left leg. When she was up, the entire community of  
Reptites was glaring at her.   
  
"You couldn't keep us from that attack," one of them growled. "You didn't even bother  
summoning the Nizbel to do your dirty work for you!"  
  
Aurora looked up at them, blue eyes flashing from the pearly white teeth in their mouths to the  
blazing red in their eyes. "Uh, oh..." she managed to murmur. "This isn't good..."  
  
Just as she finished that sentence, the wall containing the door imploded, sending a shower of  
debris into the main hall, and a large, dark green head appeared in the hole that formed, jagged  
teeth hanging over the lip. It was, as if you all couldn't guess, the Black Tyrano, with Azala  
laughing like an escaped homicidal maniac on its shoulder.  
  
"Ah, shoot," Aurora muttered, climbing to her feet and fighting off the pain in her left leg. The  
pain was too much for her to walk, so she scrambled atop the Runner that had been in front of the  
throne not so long ago and sat astride it like a horse. "Yah! Giddyup!"  
  
The little dinosaur squealed at the sight of the Black Tyrano's massive jaw opening and ran  
swiftly in the other direction, though the next door, and up waaaaaay too many flights of stairs to  
reach the top of the tower. There she rested, panting and gasping for air, as a huge crash was  
heard and the head of the Tyrano appeared through the small doorway again.   
  
Aurora looked in front of her, realizing with shock that escape was futile. She was on top of  
the Reptite lair, looking down at a thirty story fall to the ground. She swallowed and looked over  
her shoulder at the black-green head, then decided that would be a liiiiiiittttle bit too difficult to  
avoid death.   
  
She spun the Runner around again, swallowed the bile that rose in her throat, then forced it to  
leap off the edge of the cliff, the wind blowing in her face as the two began to free fall, down,  
down, to their doom, doom, doom, doom... doom...   
  
  
And now for something completely different.  
  
"Doom, doom, doom...."  
  
That's not completely different, Washu!  
  
"So? I wanted to say it!"  
  
Uhg... All right, let's try that again...  
  
  
And now for something that IS completely different.   
  
"I took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind," Chaos sang to herself as she  
walked towards the Guardia Kingdom. "I left my body lyin' somewhere in the sands of time. I  
watched the world flow to the dark side of the moon, I feel there's nothing I can do. Yeah..."  
  
She easily walked up to the looming castle, and without a second thought about the guard  
knights opened the huge doors and walked in, still humming. Then she stopped at the first  
intersection.   
  
"All right," she whispered to herself. "The steam room is on the opposite side of the castle  
from the kitchen, and I feel like I should go left, so I'm going right." She went to the right  
corridor and picked up the song from where she left it off.   
  
"I watched the world flow to the dark side of the moon; After all I knew it had to be  
something to do with you; I really don't mind what happens now and then; As long as you'll be  
my friend in the end."  
  
Chaos reached for the door at the end of the hallway and pulled it open, descending the stairs  
and still singing as it echoed down the passageway.   
  
  
"If I go crazy then will you still call me Superman? If I'm alive and well, will you be there,  
holding my hand? I'll keep you by my side with my superhuman might...."  
  
Just as she burst into the kitchen, she sang out the last word so loud anybody within a ten mile  
radius could have hear her.   
  
"Kryptonite!"   
  
She continued to walk easily through the entire kitchen, not noticing anybody giving her weird  
glances as she walked over to the pantry in a flurry of dark forest green and looked up into one of  
the cabinets. However, before she could start the next stanza, her heart sank.   
  
"Where has all the food gone?" she whined, catching the attention of the chief. Oddly enough,  
he hadn't acknowledged her presence when she had sauntered into the room screaming  
Kryptonite at the top of her lungs, but now her turned as she said this. "Hey!" he yelled. "Are you  
here to raid the kitchens?"  
  
Chaos turned to look at him, hazel eyes glinting in the torch light. "Yes, I am. However," she  
turned her attention to the empty shelves as a couple of moths fluttered out of them, "There's  
nothing left."   
  
"Of course not!" the cook cried. "Somebody else already took it all!"  
  
The girl's face fell. "You mean that all of the food is... Is gone?"  
  
The cook nodded.   
  
"I've watched the world flow to the dark side of the moon," she quoted with an obvious hint  
of despair. "Nothing at all? Not even some pasta?"  
  
The kitchen worker slowly shook his head, then brandished each of the weapons he had used  
on Washu not so long ago. "Now, I'm going to make you pay for trying to raid the food supply.  
You may not be as lucky as that short, blond girl with blue eyes and a red cloak, and glasses, but  
you still tried..."  
  
"Short?" Chaos repeated. "Blond? Blue eyes? Glasses? Girl? Red cloak?" She thought about  
this for a second while the cook began to charge at her. "Maybe it's... It must have been her!"  
Chaos clenched her fist in a very Zim-like way. "The pathetic human worm baby! She shall pay..."  
Then the girl looked up in time to see the chef coming straight for her.   
  
"You shall die, infidel!" he cried, lowering the kabob stick like a javelin.   
  
"Well, that's different," she muttered before springing aside and letting the cook run right past  
her. "Maybe I'll try a little game with him."   
  
  
The chef turned around, kabob stick in one hand, skewer in the other, and thrust himself  
forward as Chaos put up her purloined cloak and shouted "Ole!" then promptly moved it aside as  
he blew past her. She spun around and held it up as if in a bull fight.   
  
The two glared at each other for a moment, just a third voice came into the kitchen area.  
"There had better be some good food on the table, or I swear, brother, you will pay dearly for it!"  
  
The cook looked up. "It's the knight captain, my brother! No! He'll kill me for sure for not  
having any food ready!" He turned to Chaos, eyes ablaze. "You did this! This is all your fault!"   
  
"Aww... poop," Chaos said, then spun around and darted off, desperately opening a high set  
pantry, the only one that was still closed. She cried out in surprise as a flower bag rolled out of it.  
Ducking quicky underneath it, she tried a last ditch effort to push it towards the charging cook. It  
began to roll, somehow not spewing flour about the room, and went under the cook, tripping him.  
He fell forward, and the bag began to roll into the fire place. In fact, it met with the fireplace, just  
as the knight captain stepped in front of it.   
  
The bag of flour hit the fireplace, knight captain standing before it, and Chaos instinctively  
held up her cloak as a shield. There was a small explosion, and soon the entire room was covered  
in falling bits of flour, the knight captain having taken the brunt of the blow.   
  
"Dang... I didn't know flour exploded like that," Chaos murmured, then stood up and began  
nonchalantly walking out of the kitchen, somehow avoiding the flour that fell. "You called me  
strong, you called me weak, but still your secrets I will keep...."  
  
  
Sofi, meanwhile, was stuck in a jail cell with a cat gnawing her arm, two gnawing at her ears,  
and one sitting atop her head. She had been there for nine years, even though it had seemed like  
she had only just gotten there through some sort of screwed up time portal thing that had decided  
to open up one random moment and send her into the future. Her sentence had one year left, and  
she was not going to wait that long. Not by a long shot.   
  
Sofi had been plotting her escape for a good five minutes, realizing that pleading wasn't going  
to help her predicament. There was, however, something that probably would.   
  
In the cell was a window, an open window, wide enough for her to go through without too  
much working. However, this window left a drop of a good distance to the ground, and she was  
not in the mood to need a full body cast.   
  
It was her only hope of escape, however, so she had to try it.   
  
Carefully she pried off the cats and walked over to the window, then looked down and  
promptly felt a dizzying sensation in the pit of her stomach. It was a long drop; a reeeeeaaaaally  
long drop, from a point higher than when I fell off that cliff... and dang, that hurt, too...   
  
  
But I digress.  
  
The cats fell to the floor with the ease that only they possessed and glared up at Sofi as she  
balanced precariously on the small bit of wall that there was available. She swallowed her pride  
and jumped... just as the four cats positioned themselves in a unique death hold on her.   
  
She looked down as she fell through the air, being attacked by cats, and somehow managed to  
grab hold of a small, circular purple ball that hung in the middle of nowhere. As soon as she  
touched it, a portal opened, and she fell through it. Immediately the black Siberian, the longhair  
tortoiseshell, the Siamese, and the purple who-knows-what-species-it-is let go of her and  
vanished. And she was still falling....  
  
  
"You've got to be kidding me."  
  
"No! Washu stole the food in Guardia Castle."  
  
"Well at least it wasn't you..."  
  
"What do you mean, at least it wasn't me? I needed that food! I still do! I have a craving for  
some pasta, some pizza, something that I normally ate in my own dimension!"  
  
"Again with the dimensional gateway talk..."   
  
"Well, it's the truth!"  
  
"Listen, what would the whole of Guardia brand ME as if YOU stole their food?"  
  
"Why are you worried about yourself?"  
  
"I TRAINED YOU!"  
  
Chaos recoiled, rubbing her sore ear. "All right, all right," she muttered, trying to ease the  
throbbing pain. "I get the idea..." Then she turned away, mumbling under her breath, "And you  
could have been a good army drill sergeant, especially with the marines..."  
  
Glenn glared at her darkly. "That's all fine and good and well, but why are we going to the  
harbor?"  
  
"Well, I need to get to Magus' castle," she stated easily, grinning madly. "I figured I could  
drag you along with me, and help reclaim the food surplus they stole."  
  
The frog nodded, then said easily. "You weren't planning on actually returning the food, were  
you?"  
  
  
Chaos grinned innocently. "Me? Not return the food? Of course I would! I would just need to  
borrow some from the storage, you know..."  
  
He rolled his eyes. "Of course you would need to..."  
  
"Well, listen, my original plan was a failure anyway," she growled in response, disgruntled, as  
she looked at the shipyard of the Guardia army. "After all, there are no more boats!"  
  
Glenn walked up the side of the small drop off the cliff and looked down into the water. "It  
would appear as such, wouldn't it?" he chuckled. "I'd have to say that this place is devoid of  
boats, you know. But..." He picked up something and tossed it back to her. "There IS this great  
piece of string! Oh, and it's nice and long, at least ten feet! Wow."   
  
Chaos snorted. Sarcasm. It was actual sarcasm. She had obviously rubbed off on him. She  
managed a smile at the prospect.  
  
"Oh, and you know what else?" the amphibian added, his voice dripping with false amazement.  
"There's... A plank of wood!"  
  
Chaos then turned to ignore her weapons instructor as he continued to talk about all the  
'great' items around them, including a small rock, a snail, and what appeared to be a living  
monkey.  
  
A plan formulated in her mind on how to get to Magus' castle. She couldn't craft a huge  
slingshot; Who would get them both over there. They couldn't go through the Magic Cave for  
lack of the Masamune, so what...?  
  
She smiled devilishly as a strange vision came to her mind. "A ten foot long piece of string,"  
she reflected. "A plank of wood that could serve as a raft." She looked up, and that was when the  
familiar gleam tinted her hazel eyes again. "A five foot tall frog..." Then she decided on it; they  
were swimming to the castle. Or, to be more precise, Glenn was swimming to the castle...  
  
Quickly and almost without thinking, she tied the rope like a lasso and swung it over her head  
with a strangely precise aim and managed to hook it around Glenn's throat. Before he had time to  
realize what had happened, Chaos was already pushing the wood into the water, with a piece  
string tied around one end. She forced the log to roll into the bay, dragging the string and  
anything unfortunate enough to be attached to it with it. This included poor Glenn.   
  
After a brief yet painful ride down the fifteen foot cliff edge, the wood hit the water and Glenn  
landed on the wood, tied to it like a dog to a tree. Then, from the cliff edge, Chaos thrust herself  
off, did a perfect flip, and landed on the side adjacent to the frog. This was enough force to send  
him over her head and into the water again, facing the castle in the distance.   
  
Chaos smiled despite herself. "Oh, man, that was sweet!" she exclaimed from her position on  
the log. "I should have tried that a while ago! That was fun!"  
  
She soon found that one yellow-gold eye was glaring at her with a look of pure malice. "What  
was that for?" he demanded, tugging futilely at the leash around his neck. "How did you... No,  
never mind, I don't want to know."  
  
Again Chaos allowed herself a demonic smile. "I would rather not explain, because I don't  
know either, but dang it, that must have look sort of neat! Or painful. Or just downright  
hilarious."  
  
"Hilarious!?" he demanded from the water. "How could that look funny?"  
  
"Well, how many people have you seen lasso a frog?"  
  
"None..."  
  
She spread her arms wide, sitting astride the plank with a strangely perfect balance. "There ya'  
go! The undone generally look more humorous than the deeds that have been done to death."  
  
"Your reasoning fails to make sense," Glenn retaliated.   
  
"Shut up!" she yelled, putting her right hand on the taught rope. "Listen, you have three  
choices now; sink, swim, or be choked." Chaos snapped a loose twig from the side of the plank of  
wood and pointed forward. "And you're swimming!"  
  
Glenn sighed and conceded, taking off a fairly good pace through the water, all the while  
talking to himself. "Mom wanted me to be a lawyer, maybe a chancellor when I was an adult. She  
said Cyrus was a bad influence, at that following a knight would ultimately result in a horrible  
curse getting put on me. But I did I listen? Nooo, I just had to go off and befriend the hero, didn't  
I?" He sighed, completely oblivious to the sudden battle taking place on the wood he was towing  
between Chaos and hoard of man-sharks.   
The girl whipped her sword out and immediately began beating off the fish, whacking them off  
the wood with a sharp thwack sound and pushing them back into the water, only to have another  
legion of them come back up and fight her. "I never imagined I'd fight a Jetsam," she muttered,  
promptly whacking another bipedal shark off the deck of her small ship. "Neopets just weren't  
meant to kill people."  
  
So, the two managed to make a progression slowly towards Magus' castle for the sole  
purpose of stealing the stolen food and getting out of there. What dangers lay before them? Will  
Chaos ever actually meet up with Washu and Aurora and maybe Sofi again? Will the Jetsam look-  
alike creatures ever stop attacking the boat? What did happen to Aurora? Paper or plastic?   
  
All these questions and the kitchen sink to be answered in the next instalment of... Drum roll,  
please... Three Fools and an Idiot!  
  
"I am not an idiot!"  
  
We know you aren't, Sofi, we just needed to exaggerate this thing to insane proportions.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
And a special thanks to my first-and only-reviewer, the same Little Washu that's been bugging  
me about this for ages. Oh, and in case you're wondering why I'm the dominant factor, as in why  
my parts come up so often, it's because I'm writing this and I know exactly how I would react to  
everything, even if it's just a tad bit exaggerated.  
I would try to go between two guards humming Kryptonite, no, really, I would. 


	4. A Happy Reunion, and a Few Explosions

Three Fools and an Idiot  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
Written by Chaos Shadow  
Stolen with permission (oxymoron alert) from Aurora Firestorm  
Ideas submitted by Little Washu  
Reviewed THRICE, thank you very much!  
Also, Marle bashing in this chapter. If you're a Marle fan, don't flame just because I say she's a  
ditz. My friends share the same opinion.  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
(Weird quartet is standing outside of a large building.)  
  
Chaos: Are you sure this is the right place?  
  
Washu: Well, that's what the brochure says...  
  
Aurora: Remind me why we came here in the first place.  
  
Chaos: We're here to wreak some DOOM uponst the people at Squaresoft. They own all the  
rights to the CT characters, and we want them, remember?  
  
Sofi: Uponst?  
  
Washu: Where did that come from?  
  
Aurora: It's best I don't ask...  
  
Sofi: How are we getting in there?  
  
Chaos: *holds up a small box* With my Secret Weapon!  
  
Washu: Secret Weapon! Wow! Those words must be important! They're capitalized!  
  
Aurora: Secret Weapon!?   
  
Sofi: You HAVE a secret weapon?  
  
Chaos: But of course! *tips box over to reveal...* It's a spork!  
  
Aurora, Sofi, and Washu: *sweat drop*  
  
Chaos: Well? What are we standing around here for? Choose thine weapon!  
  
Sofi: Thine?  
  
Washu: Don't ask...  
  
Aurora: Smile and nod... Smile and nod...  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*   
  
Part IV  
  
Washu sat languidly on top of the huge sack of food she had stolen, eating a small strip of beef  
jerky, scythe withdrawn, and threatening Ozzie every five seconds.   
  
"Listen, you fat load of..." her next word was cut off as she took a bit of the jerky. "If you  
come one step closer, you will wish that you were dead, because... Well... No, wait, you will be  
dead." She tore off another strip of meat, chewed and swallowed. "So I wouldn't suggest coming  
any closer... And floating is the same as walking!"   
  
The Mystic leader stopped his assault on the food, gingerly backing away from the pile,  
whining. "But... I'm hungry... Just give me a little, tiny bit of it... please?"  
  
Washu shook her head, finishing off the strip of jerky and sifting through the hole in the top,  
choosing another delicacy to enjoy while hideously torturing Ozzie. "I don't think I will," she  
responded. "Now leave."  
  
Ozzie teleported away in a flash of white light, disgruntled at the thought that he couldn't get  
any food in his own fort. Then, just before he was gone, Washu called after him, "Oh, and don't  
forget to ask Flea to cook you something! She's the best out of you three!"  
  
From the darkest recesses of the hallway the girl could hear the echoing words "I'm a guy, you  
brain dead nincompoop! I'm a guy! Why can nobody see that?"  
  
Then, right behind that voice, another one came, chuckling. "Oh, I can easily prove that you're  
a woman, Flea, very easily. Now, just let me see for myself, and..."  
  
"You sick freak!" Flea yelled back at him, and a hard slamming sound came from down the  
hallway. "This is rated 'G', you pervert, not NC-17!"  
  
Washu chuckled and took a bite out of the muffin she had taken from the bag, then felt  
something squirm underneath her. Slowly she backed away from the entrance and a person  
struggled from deep within the bag, gasping for air as if they hadn't breathed in hours. Which,  
technically, they hadn't.   
  
"Free! Free at last!" he yelled, stumbling out of the hole and down the bag. "I'm free! I'm free!  
I'm..." He promptly fell down a sewage hole in the middle of the floor, the one that just happened  
to be having its grating cleaned that day. "Aw, dangit!"  
  
The blond girl was obviously feeling rather generous at that moment, because she threw a  
solitary cupcake at the person who had fallen through the grating. "Enjoy your meal!" she yelled  
as the cupcake hit the kitchen worker in the head. The man obviously looked up out of the hole  
and yelled out "Thank you!"  
  
She sighed and leaned back in her position, taking another bite out of her muffin, finishing it  
off. Then she searched through the bag in hopes of finding a pastry, maybe a strawberry tart...  
  
A thought hit her suddenly. How on Earth was she going to guard her food surplus from Ozzie  
when she left to patrol the castle? Then she had an idea just as this unnerving thought passed  
through her mind.   
  
"MAGUS!" she yelled, hoping to get his attention by yelling loud enough so that the whole of  
the fort could here.   
  
In front of her the dark mage appeared, seeming a bit disgruntled about being bothered. "What  
is it, Little Washu?" he asked tauntingly, emphasizing the little.   
  
"I'd like you to do me a favor," she said, sliding off the bag. "Could you seal this in a place  
where Ozzie can't get to it?"  
  
"Now, why on Earth would I want to do that for you?" he asked, tossing a few strands of his  
blue hair out of his face.   
  
Washu inhaled deeply, then began the one thing she knew would force him to do as she asked.  
"PLEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAASSSSSSSSEEE!!!!!!"  
  
The magician recoiled, his hands clasped over his ears as he tried to fight the high pitched  
sound. "All right!" he yelled loudly over the cacophony. "All right! Just stop that!"  
  
Washu's voice lowered immediately and she smiled amiably. "Does that mean you'll do it?"  
  
"Yes, yes, yes..." he hissed. "Just don't do that again!"  
  
"Yay!" Washu darted out of the room, cheerfully calling back "You know what to do!" Then  
she ran to the top of the castle to see if she could find Ozzie to terrorize in the highest turret.  
  
Magus nodded. "Of course I know what to do. Now to keep her from destroying my eardrums  
again..."  
  
  
Flea was on guard duty in the main hall, floating passively back and forth before the huge  
double doors of the fort. She was patrolling them aimlessly, turning every time she was a few feet  
from one of the walls, trying to keep herself from nodding off to sleep.  
  
Guard duty was boring. If only something of interest could happen while she was there...  
  
  
The door suddenly blew open, as if by some supernatural powers, and Flea's head snapped  
around as she stared blankly at what she saw.  
  
Outlined in an almost silvery aura was a girl with light brown hair and a few blond streaks in it,  
glittering hazel eyes that shone like fire, and a flowing forest green cloak clearing outlined against  
her rather strange clothes. Her shirt was black, with a blue dragon snaking its way on the front,  
spewing flame near the collar, and outlined against that was a diamond necklace in the shape of a  
heart. She also wore black jeans, cut and mended at the thighs.   
  
In case you couldn't guess, that was Chaos.  
  
Chaos appeared to be sopping wet, bruised and bloodied as if from shark fights, yet  
miraculously the only things on her that weren't torn and soaked were her clothes. She  
immediately stormed in there, without saying any "Hellos," to Flea, and stormed straight through  
the castle, muscles tightened as if she were in a very bad mood.   
  
Flea watched her walk off through the hallways, then quietly asked herself, "What was with  
that girl?"  
  
"She had a bad day coming over here, no doubt. Attacked by sharks, had to fight them off on  
her own."  
  
"Ah," the female magician conceded, as if understanding what was going on. Then she halted  
mid breath and spun around, realizing who had spoken. Because there, leaning against the  
doorway, still wet--yet not as wet as Chaos, who hadn't had much contact with the water at all--  
was... Well, I'll let you guess.  
  
The gender confused mage smirked. "Well, well, if it isn't the frog," she hissed, turning on her  
heel in the air. "Not as tough with poor Cyrus, are you?"  
  
Glenn (if you couldn't guess that, I fear for your mental stability) came off of his leaning  
position against he wall and glared at Flea, unsheathing his sword. "Well, well," he mimicked. "If  
it isn't eh gender the confused..."  
  
"GLENN!" Chaos roared from the end of the hallway. "You can wreak horrible, bloody doom  
on Flea later!"  
  
He growled something unintelligible under his breath and sheathed the sword. "I will deal with  
all four of you later, you know," the muttered. "But as of now, I fear her more than I fear you."  
  
Flea almost fainted as he began to walk down the passage. "But... But we're supposed to get  
into a blood y combat in which you horribly kill me only to have me reappear with a severely  
screwed up battle cry!"  
  
Chaos, obviously not in a good mood, immediately retaliated to that remark. "Yeah, he is... In  
a year! Now, I've screwed up the past. We shouldn't even be here right now, but who gives?"  
  
The gender confused woman could only watch in amazement as the two walked off down the  
hallway, then blink as they vanished from sight. If she had to take only one strange occurrence in  
her life and say that she had seen nothing weirder than it, that moment would probably have taken  
the cake.  
  
When the pair were out of Flea's sight, Chaos immediately straightened from her storming off  
position and walked normally, falling back a few steps to keep in pace with Glenn. "Well," she  
said, her voice taking on a light, airy tone. "That went rather well, I'd have to say."  
  
He nodded in agreement, then stopped and looked back at her. "Can I just ask you one thing?  
Mind explaining how you got more soaked than I did?"  
  
Chaos shook her head. "I don't mind, but I don't know how. I think it involved sharks, the  
plank of wood, and some curly fries."  
  
The frog raised an eye ridge. "Curly fries?"  
  
The hazel eyed girl shrugged. "Well, I don't know. I just remember needing to bash a couple  
of weird, swirly things upside the head with my sword, and I believe they resembled curly fries."  
  
"Right..."  
  
The hall opened up to the next room, which proved to be... Another hallway. In case you  
forgot the basic map of the whole of Ozzie's Fort, it's that room with the conveyor belts at the  
sides.   
  
"Well, this place has too many halls to go through," Chaos muttered.  
  
Then, at the end of the hallway, in a flash of white light, somebody else appeared. He wore a  
white shirt and was blue, with a sword at his side. Three guesses who this is, and the first two  
don't count.  
  
"Slash," the girl whispered to herself. "Great timing. I was hoping to swipe the food without  
much of a fight, and... Well, I guess I wouldn't be getting much of a fight, would I?"  
  
"Hey, shut up!" the blue Mystic yelled. "I'm obviously a better swordsman than you are!"  
  
"Well, duh. I'm a girl." Then, under her breath, she mumbled "You're obviously a better  
megalomaniac, too..."  
  
"What was that?" Slash yelled sharply. Chaos shook her head in an 'Oh, nothing' gesture.  
Slash then excepted this and settled back.   
  
  
"So, what brings you here?" he demanded.   
  
Glenn decided to say something in the midst of the word battle. "She's after the surplus of  
food one of your troops stole from Guardia," he explained. "She wanted some of what was  
taken."  
  
Slash had only just now acknowledged the fact that Glenn had been standing right behind  
Chaos, in plain view, actually, and turned a weird shade of purple at this miscalculation. If a fight  
broke out, it would be two on one; hardly fair odds, since he was confident in his ability to  
destroy all that opposed him. "Well, well," he replied in a disturbingly perfect mimicry of Flea. "If  
it isn't Sir Froggy. I haven't seen you in ages."  
  
"Ages!?" Chaos yelled. "You've both only seen one age! How could you have not seen him in  
ages?"  
  
They both gave her a look that pretty much said they feared for her mental stability.  
  
"I don't have time for this," the girl said, storming up the stairs at the back of the room to face  
Slash. "Get out of my way, pink lips, or I'll be forced to take extreme measures."  
  
"Like what?"  
  
She grabbed his shirt with both hands, managed to defy the laws of physics by picking him up,  
then neatly threw him down into one of the abysses in the room. She clapped her hands together  
as if ridding them of dust, then made a courteous bowing motion, showing Glenn the way to the  
door. "After you," she said. "I insist."  
  
He blinked and moved up the stairs, stopping at the entrance to the next room and favored her  
with a weird glance. "How did you do that?" he asked.   
  
She grinned evilly. "From being stuck with you for nine years, I've picked up your exact level,  
statistics, and all that nice junk save your attacks. That makes me at level 66, with a maxed out  
power rating, speed, and magic defense. Understand?"  
  
"Not really..."   
  
"Then come on!" She grabbed his arm and literally dragged him into the next room.   
  
  
Meanwhile, Washu and Magus had gone back to the top of the towers, and were, for some  
unknown reason, lounging around in the same room, not really talking, just sort of being there.  
Washu naturally had her nose in a book she had read at least eighteen times, and Magus was  
obviously plotting some sort of horrible torture for whomever he deemed it necessary--most likely  
Ozzie--and... Well... Ozzie was in the corner of the room, cradling his bandaged arm that had  
fallen prey to the bloodthirsty blade of Washu.   
  
The three were all absorbed in whatever they were doing, hardly noticing the pounding of  
footsteps echoing up through the hallways of the castle. Nor did they notice the slight electrical  
crackle from the center of the room. There was a scarcely disturbed silence, and then two things  
happened in a span of five seconds.  
  
First thing that took place was the opening of the door into the room, with the wooden  
obstruction banging into the wall sharply and splintering. Only a few seconds after Washu looked  
up from her book and Magus from his deep thinking about how to annihilate numerous people he  
had a grudge against, a Timegate sprung open and out of its multi-colored depths sprang a girl on  
the back of a small dinosaur. Outlined in the door was another girl, slightly taller than Washu and  
slightly shorter than the one who had just appeared. And, immediately stepping from behind her  
into the room, was a frog.  
  
The girl at the door stepped to the side to look into the room. "Washu!" she yelled.  
  
"Chaos!" Washu responded.   
  
Chaos looked up to the girl on the Runner. "Aurora!" she breathed.   
  
Aurora looked down off her Runner. "Chaos!"   
  
Washu looked up. "Aurora!"  
  
Aurora looked down again. "Washu!"  
  
Chaos looked away from her two companions. "Magus!"  
  
Magus glanced up as if he had been unfazed by this entire thing, then smiled demonically.  
"Glenn," he said cooly.  
  
Glenn glared directly at the magician. "Magus," he hissed.  
  
Washu looked up again. "Glenn?"  
  
Aurora looked down. "Magus?"  
  
Glenn looked up to the Runner. "Aurora?" he asked.   
  
Aurora looked down to him. "Glenn?"  
  
Magus raised an eyebrow at Chaos. "Chaos?" he demanded.  
  
Glenn tore his gaze away from Magus and then to Washu. "Washu?" he queried.  
  
  
Chaos sighed. "Can we get on with the plot now?" She walked a little farther out from behind  
the frog. "I'm Chaos, this (as if none of you couldn't guess, especially you, Magus) is Glenn, he  
(as if none of you didn't realize it, especially you, Glenn) is Magus, that is Aurora, that is Washu.  
Have I covered everybody?"  
  
Another Timegate appeared in the corner, opened up, and deposited a very frazzled and  
bloodied Sofi. She looked up. "Aurora?"  
  
Washu looked down. "Sofi?"  
  
Sofi looked up. "Washu?"  
  
Chaos looked down. "Sofi?"  
  
Sofi looked up. "Chaos?"  
  
Magus looked down, bored. "Sofi," he repeated.  
  
Sofi looked up. "Magus?" she asked, never having really played the game  
  
Glenn raised an eye ridge. "Sofi?"  
  
Sofi looked up. "The froggy!"  
  
Everyone just sort of sweat dropped. Sofi corrected herself. "I mean, Glenn!"  
  
Ozzie slowly began to head out the window, seeing that this was not a time he should have  
been around.   
  
"Umm... guys..." Chaos said, rolling her eyes as the group, sans Aurora and Washu, continued  
yelling a random name of one of the people around them. "This is useless..."  
  
Finally, a single cry stopped the inane debate over names.   
  
"Who's side are you people on anyway!?"  
  
The room fell into a silence after Glenn's sudden, useful demand, and everybody immediately  
began to ponder over which side they were taking. For Washu, it was an easy decision, and she  
automatically called out "Magus" while quickly darting by his side. Aurora, too, found it easy to  
decide, and called out "Magus" as well, sliding off the Runner and running next to him. Sofi,  
however, didn't know what was going on exactly, but had a rough idea. Going off of the  
numerous conversations that Aurora, Chaos, and Washu had undertaken during lunch period, she  
had already decided who her favorite Chrono Trigger character was from the strange discussions  
the three had shared, and got up. "Glenn," she said, slowly inching away from the death glare of  
the two who had already chosen sides.   
  
Then it was Chaos' turn, and she realized she was faced with quite a dilemma.   
  
Magus was her favorite character in the entire game, yet in the race between who would win  
that coveted place in her heart, Glenn had come in an extremely close second. Plus there were  
some other factors to be taken into account. She was torn between her two favorite CT  
characters, and that's a very bad position.   
  
On one hand, there was Magus, the ultra-powerful dark mage who had the ability to turn  
people into a randomly assorted animal at will. Should she opt for Glenn, Magus would probably  
make her suffer a horrible, screaming death. On the other hand, there was Glenn, the human-  
turned-frog she had been stuck with for the past nine years, and should she say Magus, she would  
probably promptly have her head cut off.  
  
"Well, this stinks," she muttered as five pairs of eyes turned to her. She took a deep breath and  
hoped something would sidetrack everybody else. "I choose..."  
  
"Where am I?"  
  
Chaos stopped mid sentence and looked to her right. Glenn and Sofi followed her gaze, as did  
Magus and Washu. Aurora, however, just because she felt it a strangely appropriate time to mimic  
one of her stories, looked to her left, then corrected herself and looked right.  
  
"Kakor Shadow?" Chaos breathed.   
  
Standing in the corner of the room was a boy, about eleven--one year younger than the three  
girls. He was shorter than Washu, and, disturbingly enough, shorter than even Glenn, who was  
only about five feet tall due to stunted growth that came from horrible curses being placed on  
you. The boy looked up.   
  
"Chaos?" he asked. Then he looked around. "Where am I, anyways? I've never seen this place  
before..."  
  
Chaos, however, had already decided she needed to vent on somebody, and he was her  
unfortunate target.   
  
"You little Imp!" she yelled.   
  
A Blue Imp suddenly popped up on one of the windowsills. "Hey!" it yelled. "That's an insult  
to Imps!"  
  
"I should kill you for that biography you wrote on your Author's Account!" the hazel eyed girl  
continued in a rage. "I'm your cousin! We're supposed to insult each other, sure... But not THAT  
much!"  
  
  
She stormed forward, away from the rest of the crowd, picked him up through the miraculous  
powers of a level 66 character, and languidly tossed him out of the window. Then she returned to  
her position near the door as if nothing had ever happened. "Now," she continued. "I choose..."  
  
But the entire team had left her behind, and were concentrating their power outside, most of  
them chucking rocks they had found somewhere at him. Chaos grinned and began to slowly back  
out of the door, then took off at a sprint. She would have gone unnoticed, but...  
  
The Runner cried out in a strange, high pitched.... cry... thingy... And alerted the five who  
were throwing rocks out the window that Chaos had made a break for it.   
  
Washu was the only one to notice this at first. She spun around, sighting the tail end of Chaos'  
stolen cloak going around the corner of the stairs. She pointed a screamed "Hey, wait for me!"  
Naturally, this caught the attention of everybody else, who had managed to ignore the shrill cry of  
the Runner.   
  
Washu ran down the stairs, followed closely by Aurora, then Sofi. Back in the main tower,  
Glenn and Magus both managed to stare after them, then came to their senses, realized they were  
ready to kill each other, and promptly ran down the stairs just to see who Chaos would have sided  
with. After they found that out, then they would try and kill each other.   
  
Meanwhile, Chaos was racing down the stairs as fast as she could run, gasping for air, and  
desperately hoping that no bipedal sharks would suddenly burst from the walls and start attacking  
her.   
  
  
Now, in this little area between what's just happened and what will happen, I must take a  
break to add some completely pointless explosions to keep this chapter living up to its name. So  
let's cut to the outside scene, with my cousin lying face first in the dirt, covered in little pebbles.   
  
"Ow..." Kakor muttered, gathering himself up painfully and standing tall, dazed and confused  
and rather shaky. However, his 'standing tall' position STILL wasn't as tall as the shortest person  
mentioned so far (which, you will be happy to know, is not you, Washu). He looked around,  
trying to maintain his balance, when yet another Timegate opened up near him. Out of this  
stepped Ayla, Lucca, and Marle. (Please note that, if you've been paying any attention to the  
dates, this is completely impossible, since this trio hasn't even met yet).  
  
"Who that?" Ayla asked in broken English, pointing at the battered boy.   
  
"Hmm, I don't know," Marle said, giggling at the end of her sentence.   
  
Lucca approached him and began a brief inspection. "Well, whoever this is, they certainly are  
two dirty and gritty to be human."  
  
  
"It must be a Mystic in disguise!" Marle observed unintelligently, giggling.  
  
"Ayla agree! Kill so no happen again!"  
  
The triad immediately broke apart and began to summon their magic skills to perform... Drum  
roll, please.... Poyozo Dance!  
  
Well, Kakor didn't get the good end of that, and fell unconscious as the three left, with Marle  
complaining--and giggling--that the game was boring.  
  
Then, for whatever reason I have, a Rolly Bomber came out of the top floor of Ozzie's Fort.  
In case you've forgotten what those are, they're little circular creatures that enjoy blowing up in  
your face.   
  
A small explosion shook the exterior of the castle, and Kakor stood, wobbling out of the  
smoke storm, coughing and covered in soot and ash.  
  
  
And now back to the story.  
  
Chaos reached the bottom of the stairs, panting heavily and ignoring the footfalls behind her.  
She began to look around wildly for any possible Timegates that would be nice and open up in  
front of her so she could escape quickly. Again, a Rolly Bomber rolled in front of her, flashing and  
ready to explode. She recalled a theory about explosions, temporal displacement, and Styrofoam  
noodles, and quickly scooped up the annoying creature, throwing it to the air directly before her.  
It exploded and a Timegate conveniently ripped open. Chaos gratefully dashed in, just as Washu  
skidded to a halt at the bottom of the stairs. Aurora stopped directly behind her, and Sofi couldn't  
halt quicky enough, bashing into the original two in the line and sending the three of them  
sprawling into the portal. The quartet now stood in the temporal (I love that word!) gateway.   
  
Please, no computer or cow related jokes.   
  
Just as the gate was about to seal itself, the magician and the frog slid down the bottom of the  
stairway, both somehow not gasping for air. Chaos waved goodbye amiably, and was joined by  
the other three in doing so. "Fare thee well," she called as the entrance narrowed. "I wish to never  
go through that again!"  
  
Magus snorted derisively and decided that he would spare all of their miserable, pathetic lives  
for the moment, quickly teleporting away. Then Chaos heard the one line that would ruin her day.   
  
"Fine, then," the frog replied, and suddenly slipped into the one tongue she had never wished  
to hear from him. "I, too, wish thee and thine family good health and fortune! Fare thee well!"  
  
There was an awkward silence, then Chaos burst out; "Where did that come from? I've been  
dissuading you for years!"  
  
  
He laughed. "Nay, thou hast been trying to dissuade me. I shalt not follow thine orders, and  
thus mine speech is mine one. Or, in other words, you gave me the idea."  
  
As the portal closed, Chaos' eye began to twitch spasmodically. "I... Gave... You... Old  
English..." She almost had a break down right then and there. "Are you saying it's all MY fault! I  
don't believe this! NO! This can't be happening!" Her last, haunting cry through the castle was a  
long, pained "WHY!?"  
  
The temporal gateway disappeared and Glenn began to walk out the main entrance, then felt  
something in his cloak hit him under his chest plate. Quickly checking the hidden pocket, he  
unfurled a book, paperback, the same one he had picked up nine years past in the lake in the  
Denadoro Mountains. That was one book and experience he'd never forget.  
  
Maybe the invention belonged to Chaos....   
  
He'd worry about it later. Slipping it back into his cloak, he continued to walk off to the  
Cursed Woods again, then realized with a shock what he would need to do to get back.   
  
Swim through raging hoards of bipedal sharks.   
  
This was not a good day for him.   
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Not much to say, except that I can actually supply a chapter name for the next... Umm... chapter.  
It's to be called; Flashbacks, Flashbacks, and.. Oh, Guess What? More Flashbacks.  
  
And to answer some unanswered questions;   
  
*kitchen sink rings somehow*  
Kakor: *picks it up* Hello?  
Voice: Paper or plastic?  
Kakor: Umm... paper?  
Voice: Wrong! It's plastic!   
*kitchen sink blows up* 


	5. Flashbacks, Flashback, and Oh, Guess Wha...

Three Fools and an Idiot  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
Written by Chaos Shadow  
Stolen from Aurora Firestorm (It's mine! All mine!)  
Ideas submitted by Little Washu the Annoying one *dodges frying pan*  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
(Quartet bursts through oversized doors of the huge building, each of them wielding a spork)  
  
Aurora: ATTACK!  
  
Washu: CHARGE!  
  
Sofi: DESTRUCTION!  
  
Chaos: RAINING DOOM!  
  
(Everybody in the building runs screaming and slams into each other, knocking themselves  
unconscious)  
  
Quartet: *sweat drop*  
  
Chaos: Well, that was too easy...  
  
Washu: Oh, yeah...  
  
Aurora: Still, it was sort of funny...  
  
Sofi: We still don't own the copyright laws, do we?  
  
Chaos: Nope. Sorry. Maybe we should have asked for the key to the vault before screaming.   
  
Washu: Maybe...  
  
Sofi: Why not just take the key now?  
  
Chaos: That's too easy!  
  
Aurora: Maybe you should use your omnipotent author-like powers to blast open the vault.  
  
Chaos: *slight pause* Oh, yeah... *blasts open vault*  
  
Washu: There's.... nothing in the vault...  
  
Sofi: *takes out a small letter* "The copyright laws are one vacation. Have a nice day."  
  
  
Aurora: Can we strangle whoever planned the vacation for the copyright laws?  
  
Chaos: Next time, you three. Next time...  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Part V  
  
The Timegate ripped open and the four stepped out on the grass again, stumbling as they  
regained their footing, and looked around. They were in deep snow drifts, flurries of snow  
buffeting their bodies. Chaos shuddered and drew her cloak tighter, and Washu did the same. All  
four of them looked around.   
  
"I think we had better find a place to rest," Aurora said through chattering teeth. Then she  
pointed. "There's a shadow over there. Maybe it's a cave."  
  
"A cave?" Sofi asked. She peered through the falling snow. "A cave!" She darted forward  
without a second thought, promptly slamming into the back wall of the cave. She slid down the  
wall and got up, rubbing her wounds. The other three sauntered into the small cave.   
  
"All right, we've got shelter," Chaos said, sitting down near a conveniently placed bundle of  
sticks. "But how do we get warmer?"  
  
"Oh, that's easy," the taller blond girl said, sifting through her backpack and producing a set of  
matches. "These should work."  
  
The sienna haired girl looked up, smiling vaguely. "Aurora, you are a genius."  
  
"I know."  
  
Soon enough to girls had a large fire blazing in the center of the cave, all thanks to Aurora's  
strangely placed waterproof matchbox, complete with a full wet of matches. The quartet was  
gathered around the blaze in a ring, warming up from the sudden blast of cold wind and snow.  
Sofi looked up at her three friends.  
  
"Can I ask you all something?" she began. Three sets of eyes turned on her. "I was just  
wondering, where did all of you get stuck for the past nine years?"  
  
Chaos managed a genuine smile that this question. "I was stuck with Glenn for the past nine  
years. He taught me how to use a sword. I'm happy."  
  
Aurora kept a blank expression. "I've been stuck with Reptites." She shuddered. "No wonder  
I hate the prehistoric era."  
  
Washu grinned broadly. "I've been trailing Magus!" she said, almost chirping. Aurora  
promptly tried to strangle her. "He taught me how to use a scythe!" The taller girl slowly began to  
back away. "Where were you, Sofi?"  
  
"I've been in jail with kitties," the tallest of the four replied blandly. "It stunk." Then she  
smiled. "No, it sucked!"  
  
The other three regarded her with puzzled looks, then Chaos said what was on all of their  
minds. "Right..." She drew the cloak tighter, shuddering slightly as a fresh blast of cold wind hit  
them from the entrance of the cave.   
  
"Well, I'm sure this may be on all of our minds," Aurora began. "Since it's obvious none of us  
are properly equipped to go tramping through the snow, we might as well tell each other  
flashbacks in order to fill the numerous plot holes that have formed up to this point."  
  
"Good idea," Washu agreed. "Who wants to know what first?"  
  
Sofi raised her hand as if in school. "I'd like to ask a question," she started. "What did you  
people eat for the past nine years?" her gaze automatically regarded Chaos. "What did you eat,  
anyways? You were stuck with a frog for nine years."  
  
"Oh, we managed somehow," she muttered. "In between His Honorable Drill Sergeants sword  
lessons, I got to go through the woods and steal stuff."  
  
"His Honorable Drill Sergeant?" the other three immediately asked. Chaos only nodded.  
  
"I'd rather not explain." Then she looked up to the cave ceiling. "I learned two things from  
being there, you know. The first one being of least importance." The triad cocked their heads to  
the side, urging her to proceed. "The first thing I learned is to not steal from Gnashers. Ever."  
Then she waved her hand through the air in a loop and called out "Flashback wiggle!"  
  
  
Chaos was, as usual, walking through the Cursed Woods and, as usual, wiping the trace  
remnants of blood from her face after her amphibious Honorable Drill Sergeant had gotten  
through training her. She muttered a couple of censored swear words under her breath from the  
absolute humiliation that it oftentimes caused, but was otherwise fine.   
  
She looked up and immediately her eyes brightened. Before her was a small nest, easily  
accessible from the hovel, filled with five perfectly good eggs. It had been a while since she had  
stolen any eggs from anything in that place, and frying T'Poles was becoming quite a chore,  
especially since both she and Glenn had their own private reasons for frying the little 'annoying  
dancing toads' to a blackened husk. Well, actually, Chaos only fried them to a blackened husk  
because they were 'annoying dancing toads', but I digress.  
  
She smiled at the sight of the haul. The stupid Gnashers never had the intelligence to hide their  
stupid nests. Carefully she slunk forward through the bushes, gliding closer to the eggs, when,  
without warning, one of the parents decided to appear. Unfortunately, Chaos was halfway out of  
the bush when it made itself known.  
  
"Hey!" it yelled in a sharp, hissing cry. "Were you trying to sssssteal my eggssss?"  
  
Chaos shook her head, looking guilty. "No, no," she said. "Of course not."  
  
The Gnasher favored her with a death glare. "You're the one training under that ssssstrange  
Myssssstic, aren't you?"  
  
Now, naturally, Glenn being her seconds favorite character and all, she made a move she  
would doubtless regret later on. In fact, in five seconds after she yelled; "GLENN ISN'T A  
MYSTIC!" she was going to regret it.  
  
The snake lunged straight for her, and Chaos moved to unsheathe her sword when she  
remembered a vitally important detail she had neglected.   
  
Her sword was still at the hovel, and it was hard to take down a Mystic with your bare hands.   
  
So, after a half a minute worth of a one-sided battle, Chaos limped out of the clearing, glaring  
sharply at a smug looking Gnasher. "Mark my words," she hissed. "When I come back here with a  
sword, you're going to regret that move to no end, do you hear me!?"  
  
After a minutes worth of walking, she came back to the main clearing where she had taken up  
a shared residence and promptly fell flat on the ground, exhausted. Only seconds later a sharp,  
well tended sword sank into the ground to the right of her head. She looked up and snarled,  
"What do you want, Glenn?"  
  
Glenn was looking rather smug this time, and simply said, "You got beaten up by another  
Gnasher, didn't you?"  
  
"Oh, shut up," she breathed.  
  
  
"End flashback wiggle," she replied, somewhat embarrassed. However, the other three were  
still looking at her expectantly. "What is it?" she demanded.   
  
"What was the other thing you learned?" Washu asked.   
  
"Oh, yes. The second and more useful thing I learned is this; you can't install a stove into an  
underground cave, especially before 1000 AD. It just won't turn out. Flashback wiggle!"  
  
  
The sienna haired girl was rummaging through her backpack this time, sifting through all  
manner of nicknack that people can't usually fit in a backpack that's only meant to carry  
approximately ten pounds of weight and no more. From it she drew a video with the title 'A  
Room With A Moose' etched on the side, a camcorder that Washu's parents had given the  
original triad, since Sofi had arrived late (she would be getting one later, don't worry if you are),  
a large amount of film for the camcorder, her memory card, a small Zafara plushie, a couple of  
textbooks ("'Dun ask", she quickly commented as Glenn gave her sidelong looks about the last  
five items she had produced), a scarlet macaw in a cage, and her bag of Kettle Korn which had  
somehow helped the whole mess.  
  
Finally, after about half of a little known kitchen room one the east wall of the hovel was filled  
to the top with completely useless junk, and some plushies, a camcorder, a taped 'A Room With  
A Moose' episode, her Memory Card, and a popsicle, none of which are useless, she took out the  
item she had been searching for.   
  
"At last!" she cried, producing, of all things, an oven from her backpack. "I've found it!"  
  
If the frog had every been totally startled by anything, including the humiliating aftereffects of  
the Denadoro Mountain Incident, what happened then and there definitely took the cake.  
  
"How did you fit all of that in there?" he asked, carefully picking up small backpack with the  
tip of his sword. He carefully brought it closer to himself and looked into it, grimacing as he  
noticed that there was yet more junk in it.   
  
Chaos shrugged haphazardly. "I dunno. How do you guys carry ninety-nine Tonics, Mid-  
Ethers, Mega Elixirs, and Shelters in your puny little ponchos?"  
  
"How do we carry what?"  
  
"Never mind." She set the oven down and looked at the wall, carefully glaring at it. "Yes,  
yes," she whispered. "That will do nicely..." She picked up the stove and immediately began  
trying to fit it into the wall. "Oh, and Glenn, if you want anything from that sack, go ahead and  
take it; I need some extra room in it anyways."  
  
"You need extra room?" he asked, looking around at what she had taken out of the poncho,  
then grabbed a small booklet that rested on top of the remaining pile. Quickly scanning through it,  
he turned back to Chaos. "Umm... Chaos?"  
  
She was preoccupied with trying to install the oven, however. "What.... What is it... Glenn?"  
she managed to ask between pants and pushes. "Can't you.... See that I'm... Busy?"  
  
"But I think you should--"  
  
"Not NOW!"  
  
"But..."  
  
"I said, not now!" She turned around and put her back into it. "Gosh darn it! Why won't this  
go in?"  
  
"That's what I've been trying to tell you!" he yelled indignantly. "You have to make a whole in  
the wall before installing the oven!"  
  
Chaos stopped in her quest, then spun around and looked behind the oven. After a moments  
silence, she finally said; "Oh, yeah..."  
  
"Besides," the amphibious knight continued, "it'll be useless. Don't you need electricity?"  
  
"That true," she admitted, then suddenly glared at him. "How would you know about  
electricity, then!?"  
  
Glenn held up the booklet he had found. "This is the instruction manual, Chaos."  
  
She looked down, blushing madly. "Oh, shut up. The next time a T'Pole catches fire in this  
place--and that'll probably be tonight at the rate we roast them--then I'm not helping put fire  
out!"  
  
"You never helped anyways..."  
  
  
"End flashback wiggle."  
  
The other three just sort of stared at her and sweat dropped.   
  
"Do I want to know how you got a stove in that little backpack of yours?" Sofi asked. Chaos  
returned this with a smile.  
  
"Washu's matter transporter thingy, or course!" she replied, ecstatic for some reason or  
another. "The only thing she's made that works!"  
  
Washu tilted her head to the side. "I made it?"   
  
Chaos glared at her. "Now you did, Washu. Don't deny it; it's a great invention."  
  
"Ah, okay."  
  
"Now, again for Washu," she continued, tossing her sienna hair over he shoulder. "How on  
earth did YOU eat in Magus' castle? I mean, the only other human there is Magus, and he can  
summon food by magic, so..."  
  
"Oh, that," Washu said, grinning ear to ear. "I had some fun with food raids. That's where I  
got most of my supplies. But before then, I soon realized something very... Bad. There were only  
three cooks in the entire castle, and guess who they were?" She said the last sentence with such  
vim and vigor it was hard to see the sarcasm.  
  
"Hmm..." Aurora looked slightly puzzled, then, in a mocking voice, replied, "Ozzie, Flea, and  
Slash?"  
  
"Yep! I did get to a turning point though."  
  
Six eyes regarded her with a questioning stare.   
  
"Flashback wiggle," she announced.  
  
  
Washu carefully poked the strange looking, bubbling substance on the plate in front of her,  
warily looking up from her 'dinner' to the Mystics around the table and blanching at their horrible  
manners. Although it wasn't unlike the school cafeteria--more civilized, in her opinion, were the  
Mystics than the humans--it was uncommon to find kids with tusks.  
  
She pushed away from the table, sneaking past the hoards and slipping into the kitchen easily,  
looking for the cook. Washu spotted her, stirring a large pot of.... Something, she didn't want to  
know. Carefully the short blue eyed girl snuck up behind Flea and tapped her on the shoulder.  
When Flea didn't respond, Washu gripped a frying pan next to her. She was going to talk to the  
cook, or the cook was going to be unconscious.  
  
She raised the frying pan over her head, then swung it down on the gender confused Mystic  
with full force. If that didn't get Flea's attention, nothing would.   
  
Fortunately for the Mystic, it did get her attention.  
  
Flea spun around, abandoning the pot to boil, and sent a death glare at the girl standing in  
front of her. "What do you want?" she demanded acidly.  
  
"Umm, Flea?" Washu began. "Can I ask you something. Could you make some sort of edible  
food?"  
  
Flea tilted her head to the side. "Edible?" she inquired as the pot behind her began to shoot off  
sparks. "What d'you mean, edible? This IS edible!"  
  
"Not for me," the girl replied blandly.   
  
The temporary cook crossed her arms. "Well then, what DO you filthy humans eat, anyways?  
It's not like I'd know what was on your diet. It's probably something disgusting like that eggplant  
or pizza..."  
  
"Don't insult pizza," Washu interrupted.   
  
"All right then, what do you eat?"  
  
"Well...."  
  
An hour later, Flea came out of the kitchen, woozy and looking ready to hurl. "I don't... I  
don't believe you... You humans can stomach that... Stuff...." She fell to the ground, obviously  
sickened.  
  
Washu came out of the kitchen behind her, wearing an apron and tossing a muffin up and  
down in her left hand. "What? You mean bakery goods? What's wrong with bakery goods? I like  
the bakery goods! Cake, muffins, brownies..."  
  
"The sugar..." Flea responded, twitching. "I don't see how you can eat the sugar... And the  
salt... And that flour stuff..."  
  
"Just because you eat flower doesn't mean we do."  
  
Flea pushed herself off the ground and looked Washu in the eye, bending over to do so. "Why  
can't you humans be more civilized like us?"  
  
Washu sighed and held out the muffin. "Try it, Flea, you may like it."  
  
"What.... NO! I refuse to!"  
  
Washu unsheathed her scythe. "Flea..." the blue eyed girl said soothingly, "You will try it. You  
MUST try it. It is your destiny. Your head is on the line..."  
  
  
"End flashback wiggle."  
  
"Did she try it?"  
  
Washu looked at Sofi. "No, of course not. She just ran away really quickly. But since that day  
she's been baking for me, and cowering in fear of my scythe."  
  
This earned a sweat drop from everyone around her.   
  
"What?" Washu glared at Aurora this time. "What about you, Aurora? You were stuck with  
Reptites for nine years! They don't know how to cook!"  
  
"I taught them how to cook," she answered easily. "I also taught them how to make ice  
cream."  
  
Everybody looked at her strangely. "Ice cream?" they all asked in unison.  
  
She nodded. "Ice cream."  
  
  
Aurora was sitting in Azala's....  
  
"You forgot the flashback wiggle!"  
  
Oh, sorry.   
  
"FLASHBACK WIGGLE!"  
  
  
Aurora was lounging around in Azala's throne, as per the usual happenstance in the Reptite's  
lair. She was watching the human-dinosaurs run about doing daily chores and not-so-daily chores,  
like poor Fred-George-whatever the heck you wanna call him. He was still trying to figure out  
how to dust the washing machine.... Or vacuum the tablecloth... Or whatever it was Aurora had  
assigned him three years before.   
  
Well, naturally, Aurora was looking for something that the Reptites were doing wrong.  
Whenever she found fault in their work, she'd yell at them, then command them to do some other  
inane chores that must have really hurt. Then she spotted the cooks of the hoard. Again, they  
were frying an unfortunate Nu, or at least trying to do so. They weren't exactly succeeding very  
well, but hey! they were trying!  
  
Aurora stood up. "Let the Nu go," she commanded languidly. "I'm in the mood for something  
more exotic."  
  
Three Reptites came to attention in front of her.   
  
"Good." She looked at the small gathering. "Now you, Bob, you're going north to collect  
some shaved ice; Fred, you're getting some fruit; unnamed creature, you're getting a bowl."  
  
"What's this for?" Bob asked. At the same time, Fred/George replied; "My name is George."  
  
"Whatever you say, Fred. Oh, and Bob, it's for Ice Cream."  
  
The reptile tilted his head to the side. "Ice cream?" he asked slowly. "What's... Ice... Cream..."  
  
The human girl sighed. "You truly are pathetic," she whispered. "Ice cream is a cold, fruity  
dish served for dessert in commonplace Earth. Many people enjoy it on a hot summer day." She  
waited for a moment, then concluded the entire thing with; "Of course."  
  
Blank stares.  
  
Again she sighed. "Just get me what I asked for."  
  
  
Bob and the unnamed one went off to get their assigned supplied, but Fred/George stayed  
behind.  
  
"Yes, Fred?" Aurora asked. "Do you want to ask something?"  
  
"Yes," the reptile-human replied. "I'd like to request that you call me George."  
  
"No. Now go get the fruit."  
  
Fred/George turned around and walked away, grumbling about his name and how humans  
could possibly consume vegetation.  
  
  
"End flashback wiggle."  
  
Now all eyes turned to Sofi, who was huddled up in a corner, nursing her wounds. She looked  
up to the other three.   
  
"Okay, what do you all want Sofi to tell you?" she demanded.  
  
They continued to stare at her.   
  
"Oh, all right, I'll tell you what I ate. I can tell you all one thing; your cats are perfectly happy.  
They've been eating me for the past nine years."  
  
"Flashback wiggle," Chaos announced.  
  
  
Sofi sat in a corner of the jail cell, huddled up against the wall and shuddering from the cold  
wind that blew through the window. A guard came by and looked at her.   
  
"Guess what's for dinner," he said sarcastically. Then, thrusting a steaming bowl at the captive  
girl, he announced; "Oatmeal!"  
  
The next day, the guard came by again. "Guess what's for dinner?" he said, again sarcastic.  
"Oatmeal!" he thrust a similar bowl at Sofi again.   
  
The next day, the guard came by yet again. Sofi looked up to him as he said; "Guess what's  
for dinner today?"  
  
"Oatmeal, right?" she asked dryly. "Oh, and me guess what's for dinner tomorrow; more  
oatmeal."  
  
"Well, actually," the guard began, "we were going to give you some fresh bread, but since you  
like it so much, I guess we'll just give you some oatmeal."  
  
Sofi's scream could be heard far, far into the night. It was high pitched and pitiful, and pained  
as the cats bit deeper into her flesh, telling her to shut up.  
  
  
"End flashback wiggle."  
  
"Yeah," Sofi concluded. "That's how my days went."  
  
"All right, that's fair enough," Aurora said, turning to Washu and Chaos. "Now, you two,  
where did you get those cloaks? They look familiar..."  
  
"Glenn" and "Magus" came the respective answers.   
  
"How did you get them?" Aurora inquired.  
  
Chaos tossed another log onto the flame. "I'll go first since I know yours will be totally  
wacked, Washu. Flashback wiggle!"  
  
  
Chaos was sneaking through the small, underground hovel on her first night there, trying  
desperately to do two things at once; find the wardrobe, and avoid waking up the frog, while  
humming the Mission: Impossible theme to herself.   
  
"Dun dun, dun dun dunun, dun dun, dundundun..." She rammed straight into one of the  
friendly, jagged stone walls. "OW!" She recoiled and rubbed the sore spot on her head. "You  
lousy, good for nothing..." she began, then checked herself when she remembered she was  
supposed to be stealthy. Stealth, she told herself. STEALTH!  
  
She continued walking through the underground chamber, surprised at just how many  
passages it heralded. One of the rooms served as a kitchen, another a guest bedroom, another a  
military planning office, another a bathroom (with actual plumbing, for some reason), and the final  
room was just sort of there.  
  
After she had done a complete circuit around the entire house/hovel/hole in the ground, she  
came to the first room and peered through the darkness. She couldn't see a thing in the wan light  
that the moon shed through the hole into the shelter, and could hardly see the walls at all. Well,  
she had never really seen the walls in the middle of the night, anyways...  
  
"OW! Dang it, that hurts!" Then she shut up, remembering exactly where she was again. In the  
first room in the entire shelter, when one first fell into the hole, the room held a conveniently  
placed table with five chairs (Chaos had ordered Glenn to add a fourth chair, just in case, and a  
fifth one in the situation that he should acquire a Poyozo Doll that managed to play his theme  
song) a couple of jars in the corner (for conveeeeeeeniently holding the broken blade half of the  
Masamune) a wardrobe (how conveeeeeenient) and a straw bed (for conveeeeeeeniently guarding  
the wardrobe). She listened for a moment longer, but no sounds of stirring came from the bed.  
She released a sigh. It was hard not to breath.  
  
Quietly she crept forward in the general direction of the wardrobe, running into walls every  
other breath. By the time she finally reached the wardrobe, she was silently muttering disguised  
swear words under her breath. You know, things like 'Rasnfazin' little grukinsher' and stuff like  
that. Finally she ran into the last thing she wanted to run into that night; the wardrobe. She pushed  
herself off.   
  
"All right, that was hectic," she muttered. "Now, let's see... According the laws of irony, I  
should had a flashlight stashed away in my back pocket. So," she began to reach into her back  
pocket and produced, as if you couldn't guess, a flashlight.  
  
"Well, that made sense," she murmured. "Might as well put this thing to use." She turned the  
top of the flashlight, and a pale beam of light shot out from the tip. Then, from behind, she heard  
the shifting noise a person waking up. "Oh, shoot," she muttered, turning off the flashlight and  
waiting for the figure to settle down again.   
A half an hour later, she tried again, very slowly twisting the head of her flashlight. Again, she  
got the same results, needing to decimate her light before she would wake up her host. Finally,  
after about ten more 'trial and failure' attempts, she just muttered, "Forget this," and burst  
through the door of the dresser, slamming it shut behind her, and then turning on the flashlight.   
  
"Much better." She shone it around the inside of the dresser, despite the fact that she really  
didn't need to. She could tell the difference between running into a cloak and running into a piece  
of armor very easily. However, she preferred to waste batteries.   
  
The first thing she did was grabbed the cloak, then turned off the light and tried to remember  
where the door was. That didn't work, so she turned on the light and opened the door. That also  
backfired, so she finally tried using the light to find the door, then grabbing the cloak, turning the  
light off, and opening the door.   
  
Only a few steps out of the wardrobe, however, she felt something poke her chest. She  
recoiled and finally turned on the light again.   
  
Three guesses who was there, and what was at her chest. And if you say "The spirit of King  
Tut wielding a death spork, you're bound to be wrong.  
  
  
"End flashback wiggle."  
  
Washu shook her head, still chuckling. "How many times have you woken Glenn up over the  
years?"  
  
"I approximate thirty-two million, sixty-seven thousand, eight hundred twenty two and a half."  
  
  
"That's an approximation?" Sofi demanded. Chaos nodded. "Wow..."  
  
"Now for my story," Washu said, grinning madly. "Flashback wiggle."  
  
  
This time it was broad daylight, probably noontime, and light was streaming into the castle in a  
pretty cascade of golden brilliance. No torches were lit, mainly because people could actually see  
things (is it just me, or is Magus' castle a little too dark?)  
  
Washu was walking through the corridors, humming the dark wizard's theme to herself as she  
went, avoiding the shadows at all costs and walking in the sun bathed areas. She was obviously  
'sneaking' through his castle, though in broad daylight, it could hardly be called sneaking.   
  
After a while of walking, she came to a halt, in front a large dresser/bureau/coffee stand like  
construction. Washu looked up and opened the huge doors, and saw the cloak hanging above her.  
She was so close to her goal! She reached out for one, and soon found something that made her  
heart sink; the cloaks were suspended about a foot higher than her reach.  
  
She groaned and backed away, knowing would be impossible to get them now. She turned  
away, defeated by the wardrobe, and began to walk down the corridor from whence she came.  
Then she saw, coming her way, a fat, green Imp-like creature clothed in silky white garments.  
This brightened her day immediately.   
  
"Oh, Ozzie," she cooed softly. The Mystic leader turned to face her.   
  
"What do you want, kid?" he demanded. Washu smiled sweetly at this remark.   
  
"Ozzie, would you come here a second?" she continued, still smiling like an idiot and carefully  
handling her scythe behind her.   
  
"What do you..." was all Ozzie could say before suddenly falling unconscious to the blow of a  
scythe upside his head. Washu somehow managed to slowly drag him into the closet and began to  
use him as a trampoline, bouncing up and down on his stomach until she could finally reach the  
lowest hanging cloak. She grabbed it, made one final jump off of Ozzie, and landed with perfect  
ease on the stone floor.  
  
"Thank you, Ozzie!" the young girl cried back, running off and laughing madly. The fat Mystic  
leader groaned and sat up, then looked up after rubbing the pain out of his head. Standing in front  
of him, obviously towering over him, was Magus.  
  
"Oh, hi, Magus, listen, I can explain..."  
  
"One of my cloaks is missing," the dark mage hissed. "Now, why would one of my cloaks be  
missing?" He seemed to be thinking deeply about something. "You know, I have the strangest  
feeling you did it..."  
  
"Please, Magus, hear me out,"Ozzie pleaded. "It's not my fault. That little brat, Washu, she..."  
  
"You're trying to pin the blame for this on my student and target practice, aren't you?" Magus   
grinned evilly. "I think I'll use you for target practice...."  
  
"No, no, no, please, not the scythe, not the sc.... AAAAAIIIEEEEEEEE!"  
  
Washu couldn't bare to watch any more of the slaughter, so she quickly fumbled with her  
Camcorder and set it to tape the battle, then slid against the wall and began tailoring the cloak so  
that it would actually fit her.  
  
  
"End flashback wiggle."  
  
Chaos yawned. "All right, guys, I think it's late enough. We need sleep, and my throat is sore  
form talking so much."  
  
Sofi nodded agreement, then pointed up to the sky. "Hey, what are those?" she inquired,  
looking up into the cloud covered heavens. "It looks like a bunch of floating rocks."  
  
The main triad looked up in the direction she was pointing. They immediately were struck  
dumb at the sight.  
  
"Could it possibly be..."  
  
"There's no way..."  
  
"It's too good to be true...."  
  
Sofi looked at them. "What? You don't like the floating rocks?"  
  
The other three continued eyeing the sky for a moment, then finally screamed at the same time;  
"ZEAL!"  
  
"Forget sleep!" Aurora yelled, springing away from the guttering fire. "It's Zeal Kingdom!"  
  
Washu followed her taller counterpart. "We've got to find the Skygate!"  
  
Chaos mimicked the previous duo's movement. "We MUST say 'Hi' to Schala, to Janus, to  
Alfador... To Masa and Mune!"  
  
"And Doreen," Washu finished.  
  
"And the Gurus," Aurora continued.  
  
Sofi stared at them as if they were crazy. "What?" she asked.  
  
"Let's go!" they all yelled at the same time, bounding off through the snow and leaving Sofi  
behind with a stifled fire.  
  
Sofi waited a moment, then leapt up and called out. "No! Don't ditch Sofi again!"  
  
Hence they were off to Zeal Palace.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
There, Washu, I'm DONE! Finally! And I shall continue to adopt random Old English phrases!  
'Tis fun to annoy people!  
Umm... Yeah... Well, anyway, if you can't guess what's gonna happen next, we're all going to  
Zeal. Zeal happens to be our favorite time period before the kingdom crashed. We all think  
Alfador is adorable, and I constantly quote Mune whenever there happens to be a strong enough  
breeze. Yeah. So, it'll be fun for all of us, except Sofi, who's never played the game before. *Tsk,  
tsk* Poor girl.   
  
So, 'till next time, this is Chaos Shadow signing off. Off of what, I don't know, but I'm signing  
off. Good day! 


	6. Why the Ocean Palace's Opening was Prolo...

Three Fools and an Idiot  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
Written by Chaos Shadow  
Original Version Stolen with permission from Aurora Firestorm (shameless plugin)   
Ideas submitted by Little Washu  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Washu: Ideas!? I submitted half a plot line!  
  
Chaos: *growling* I know that, Washu...  
  
Washu: So why don't you give me full credit?  
  
Chaos: You're bugging me, Washu...  
  
Washu: I mean, come on! Ideas does not compare to half a plot!  
  
Chaos: Luminaire, Washu, remember that Tech?  
  
Washu: But still....  
  
Chaos: Washu, don't push your luck...  
  
Washu: But you should have...  
  
Chaos: *eye twitchy thing* Shut up.  
  
Washu: Oh, come on, it's not like you have any Double Techs with anybody...  
  
Chaos: You wanna bet?  
  
Washu: You do? With Glenn, right?  
  
Chaos: Well, it makes sense. You get trained by somebody for nine years...  
  
Washu: Then I must get something with Magus! What is it?  
  
Chaos: Washu, you remember that "You're bugging me" thing? You're doing it...  
  
Washu: Oh, come on. Just tell me!  
  
Chaos: No.  
  
Washu: Please?  
  
Chaos: No.  
  
Washu: Pleeeeeeeaaaaaasssseeeee?  
  
Chaos: My poor spell check... You killed it.... That does it! *whistles a really high pitched...  
whistle*  
  
Chaos and Glenn: Electric Conductivity!  
  
(A giant tidal wave washes out from the back of the stage, crackling with electricity from a  
Luminaire spell. Just then, Sofi saunters out onto the stage.)  
  
Sofi: Hi, guys!  
  
Chaos: Oh, shoot.  
  
Washu: This is the time I'm supposed to run, right?  
  
(Chaos and Washu both get the heck out of there)  
  
Sofi: *looks up* That's bad, isn't it? Ahh! (Gets hit)  
  
*Pause. Crickets chirp. My Irken self from 'Get Them Away!' runs out and  
starts shooting them*  
  
*Silence.*  
  
*Chaos and Glenn slowly walk out from the backstage curtain.*  
  
Chaos: Not again...  
  
Glenn: You need to work on your aim.  
  
Chaos: It wasn't MY fault the tidal wave hit the wrong person!  
  
Glenn: It wasn't MY fault that same whistle happens to be assigned to calling Sofi out on the  
stage!  
  
Chaos: It wasn't MY fault.... *two go into a really long "It wasn't MY fault" war.*  
  
Aurora: *cautiously walks in front of them* Yeah. Well, we don't own any of the CT character. If  
we did, we would obviously get into conversations like this more often.  
  
Glenn *in background*: Well, it wasn't MY fault you lost that stupid guidebook to a stream!  
  
Chaos *also in background*: It wasn't MY fault that.... That... Umm....  
  
Glenn *still in background*: Hah! Beat you!  
  
Aurora: Maybe it's best that we don't have conversations like this on a regular basis...  
  
Washu: *walks out next to Aurora* Is it just me or is this disclaimer getting long winded?  
  
Chaos *you know where she is by now, right?*: Well, at least I don't get mistaken for a Mystic in  
every town I go to!  
  
Glenn: That was low!   
  
Chaos: I know it was.   
  
Washu: Great. Chaos is obviously sugar high typing this thing.  
  
Aurora: We'll be here a while. For those of you who are getting sick of this, just go down to the  
fic. If you're in the mood for a queer insult war, then stay put.  
  
Chaos: At the very least I...  
  
Glenn: I do not....  
  
*Eventually their words get jumbled as they try to talk at the same time coherently*  
  
Both: Oh, forget it!  
  
*Both draw swords. Camera goes to Washu and Aurora trying to wake up Sofi*  
  
Washu: This isn't working... *dumps pale of water on Sofi*  
  
Aurora: This is rather strange, isn't it?   
  
*Two swords clash in background. Camera pans out just far enough so you can see the shadows  
of the fighters*  
  
Washu: Mmm hmm.   
  
Aurora: Say, maybe if we bathe Sofi in ice cubes she'll wake up.  
  
Washu: Good idea! *Shadows in back show two combatants with obviously locked swords.  
Sparks begin showering in front of Aurora and Washu*  
  
Aurora: Icestorm! *snow begins to fill arena. Warriors in back are literally tossing each other  
around. Chaos flies into view of the camera.*  
  
Sofi: I'm all right... Ow... My head hurts...  
  
Washu: She's awake!  
  
*Background shadows now show both of them stopping, and Chaos beginning to do little hand  
puppets*  
  
Aurora: This is the fourth page of the disclaimer... I think it's long enough.  
  
Washu: We'll just begin the fic.... I hope Chaos isn't sugar high the next time she writes this.  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Part VI  
  
  
The snow from the surrounding blizzard crashed into their bare skin as the quartet began to  
walk toward the northern capes. In order, they walked with Aurora in front, then Washu and  
Chaos, and Sofi trailing at the far rear. All of them had chattering teeth, but the first three were  
bright eyed. Sofi, however...  
  
"I wanna see my bunnies again!" she cried from the back. The other three ignored her  
desperate plea. "Is that so wrong?"  
  
When this had gone on for an hour, Chaos was forced to turn around, still gripping her cloak  
tight around her, and glare at the girl far behind. "Sofi, if you don't mind, I'd like a peaceful trip  
before we burst into Zeal, okay? Or at least one without your whining in the background."  
  
"But... But... I'm cold! And my bunnies must miss me by now!"  
  
Chaos gripped the hilt of her sword. "I have half a mind to..." she began, but Washu and  
Aurora quickly restrained her.   
  
"What?" she demanded. "I was gonna say I have half a mind to make a snow cone out here!  
Hey, let me go!" Chaos struggled out of the grasp of the other two. "Come on, that was a waste  
of time! Look, I can almost see the Skygate up ahead!"  
The other three turned and saw a small white building off in the distance. "The Skygate!"  
Aurora yelled. "We'd better hurry! I'm freezing out here!"  
  
Sofi sighed. "Sofi doesn't like being ditched," she whined.  
  
They began to set off again, when Washu looked back to the tallest of the quartet. "Washu  
doesn't like hearing things in the third person!" she yelled back.   
  
After a ten minute march they ran into the Skygate building, all shivering and soaking wet.  
Chaos, Washu, and Aurora made a beeline for the teleportation pad at the opposite end, and Sofi  
sat down near a fire, trying to warm up.   
  
The three protagonist turned to Sofi. "Well?" Washu demanded. "Are you coming or not?"  
  
"Sofi doesn't want to be frozen again," was the reply.   
  
Chaos took over. "Sofi," she began. "There are two things I want to tell you. One, speaking in  
the third person is an annoying dialect, but I've had nine years to consider every verb that can be  
translated in to Old English, and thus have been able to speak it quiet fluently should the need  
arise. Two, when we take the Skygate, we'll be in Zeal. Zeal is not frozen. Zeal is warm."  
  
Sofi slowly began to climb to her feet, coming reluctantly to the other three.   
  
"Good Sofi," Aurora began goading her. "Good girl. C'mere! Just a little bit farther. Come on,  
come on, you can do it." Sofi arrived shivering in front of her. "Good girl!" Aurora announced,  
patting the slightly taller girl on the head.   
  
Then they got on the teleportation pad, and automatically Chaos yelled, "Beam me up,  
Scotty!"  
  
A strange, yellow colored light surrounded them, and Scotty promptly beamed them up.  
  
  
Enhasa was a perfectly normal city for the Enlightened Ones. About half of its residents were  
asleep, the other half waiting for their turn to go to sleep, one of them checking the dreams of  
those that were asleep, and one of them just sort of being there to throw out random quotes from  
some strange source. The entire city had a population of a little less than thirty, and it was all  
contained in a single building. The populace was going about, working as they normally did, when  
suddenly...  
  
The huge double doors that served as an entrance swung open, and a queer battle cry rose up  
into the air. "Am I a butterfly dreaming I'm a man? Or am I a bowling ball dreaming I'm a plate of  
sashimi?"  
  
The whole of the awake portion of Enhasa--which, granted, wasn't that much anyways--turned  
from whatever they were doing to look at the door. Outlined against the soft, warm glow of the  
sun were four figures, all varying just slightly in height, and female, one of which was soaking wet  
and still trying to dry out their garments.   
  
The populace just stared, and the intruders just stared back. Finally, however, the strange  
magical being known only as Doreen appeared on the second floor.   
  
"Who are you to disturb the peace of the dreams these people have?" she asked.   
  
  
The quartet blinked, then an evil grin ran across Chaos' face. "Well, hello to you too, Doreen,"  
she said blandly. "If you really want to know..."   
  
Behind her, Washu was demanding money from Sofi, who was reluctantly handing her a five  
dollar bill. Chaos spun around as this happened. "What the... What are you two doing?"  
  
Doreen blinked, and Washu answered. "I made a bet with Sofi not long ago. I told her that  
Masa, Mune, and Doreen probably sounded like little kids. She said they didn't, so I bet five  
dollars that they would. She"-here she pointed at a very confused Doreen-"just proved it."  
  
Aurora shook her head in defeat, then turned to Doreen as Chaos began arguing the point that  
Masa and Mune might not sound like little kids. "Well, in case you're still wanting to know, I'm  
Aurora Firestorm [readherstuff], the short person is Little Washu, the tallest person arguing with  
her is Sofi, and the other one trying to get five dollars from your brothers sounding like little kids  
is Chaos Shadow."  
  
Doreen managed to nod. "Okay..."  
  
"Can I ask you a question?"  
  
She tilted her head. "I don't see why not."  
  
"Well, it may be a bit personal, but..." She took in a deep breath, then sighed. "What ARE you  
three?"  
  
Doreen blinked, then immediately laughed. "That's a simple question!" she yelled down.  
"We're just..."  
  
"Give me the five dollars!" Chaos screamed, trying to wrench the crumpled up bills out of  
Sofi's hand.  
  
"Oh," Aurora said. "So it was that simple."  
  
Chaos stopped fighting and pulled away from the group, slipping next to Aurora. "What was  
so simple? You found out what they were?"  
  
Aurora nodded. "Yep. They're..."  
  
"I DEMAND YOU GIVE ME MY MONEY!"  
  
"Ah, I see. So we were psyching out about nothing too big?  
  
"Yeah. Pretty much."  
  
  
"Oh."  
  
If Doreen hadn't been confused before, she certainly was now. Four people, one of whom was  
somehow still soaking wet, had burst into Enhasa for no apparent reason other than to yell inane  
quotes. Then again, that was a strange little cry she could possibly use...  
  
Then a cry from the back of the one-building city rose up. "Guards! Seize them! They aren't  
Enlightened! They have no magic! Let the queen decide what to do with them!"  
  
All four looked up the first passage and cringed as a veritable flood of men in robes came  
barreling down the stairway with one desire; to capture them!  
  
"Aw... poop," Chaos muttered, then pointed back to the entrance. "Run away! Run away!"  
So the whole party began hauling tail out of there leaving the guards behind them, and Doreen  
still wondering had just taken place.  
  
  
The quartet dashed out of the building of Enhasa as quicky as they possibly could, jumping  
shrubs, hedges, flower beds, potted plants, and sleeping old guys. ("Don't they ever wake up?"  
"No, I don't think so.") Eventually, however, they crashed into the Skygate. Literally. As in ran  
right into the outside wall, in order; Sofi, Chaos, Washu, Aurora. They all stumbled back in pain,  
rubbing their wounds, and went for the door to the Skygate.   
  
It was locked.   
  
"Oh, great, just great," Washu said. "It's a magic seal, of all the lousy things to put on this."  
  
"I wonder who put it up?" Sofi asked.   
  
Aurora turned and pointed behind them. "I'd have to say those guys did."  
  
In unison the other three turned and blanched when they saw the army of old guys in robes  
with a strange glow surrounding them. "Now," the one in the front said, "you'll be coming with  
us."  
  
The quartet all stiffened, and Chaos bit her tongue to stifle the yelp that was threatening to rise  
in her throat. Instead, Sofi simply commented; "This is bad, isn't it?"  
  
All the other three nodded, and in a flash of light the four girls were not in front of the Skygate  
anymore.   
  
  
*Nya ha ha! I'm stopping right here! Yes, that's right! The suspense! Can you feel the suspense?  
  
I can, but it's probably just gas.  
  
*Shut up. Wait. What do you mean this is only the sixth page? You mean I have to write at least  
ten a chapter? Oh, you stink.  
  
  
The quartet found themselves stranded in a chamber, a fairly large hallway that even Aurora  
and Chaos would have been content pacing down. On one end was a door, and on the other was a  
laughing Queen Zeal seated upon her throne. The quartet looked up at her as she continued her  
demonic howling. After it had gone on for a moment or so, it ceased it's monotonous tone, and  
the four looked up again.  
  
"Well, well," she sneered. "It seems to me that four unwelcome Earthbound have come up and  
tried to stay in my lovely kingdom of Zeal. Well, that's not how it works, you little brats. You  
see, I've already devised means of rigorous work in which the casualty rate is disturbingly high.  
Do you still want to stay up here?"  
  
Before they could speak, the queen interrupted them.  
  
"I'll take that as a yes. Fine! Put those three"-she pointed at Aurora, Washu, and Chaos-"in the  
Ocean Palace. As for the fourth one, she'll be babysitting Janus while Schala comes into the  
palace with me. We'll see how the preparations with Lavos are going."  
  
The mad queen pointed at the first three and chanted something in a foreign tongue, most  
likely Ancient Zeal. Without warning, Aurora piped up suddenly, "Hey! That means-" But her cry  
was cut short as a large, multi-colored swirl of a portal appeared behind them and sucked them  
inside. Now only Sofi remained.   
  
Queen Zeal stood up and walked away from her throne, towards Sofi. "Now, child, follow me  
to your hideous torture!" she cackled, gripping the schoolgirl by the arm and dragging her to  
another room. Literally. As in, Sofi's side was scraping the floor while the queen held her arm in a  
death grip.  
  
After length they arrived at a private quarters. In the upper level of the quarters was a boy,  
clothed in purple/blue robes, with a purple cat trailing him. Sofi immediately bounded out of the  
queens grasp and leapt up the stairs to hug the kitty. "It's you!" she squealed. "I don't believe it! I  
haven't seen you since I fell through that other time portal and met the froggy!"  
  
Queen Zeal and the green-eyed boy stared at her, and Sofi just hugged the animal tighter.  
"This is rather strange," the boy whispered. He looked up to the queen. "Mother, who is this foul  
wretch?"  
  
Queen Zeal grinned broadly. "This is your babysitter, Janus," she replied. "Now, I've got to go  
to the Ocean Palace and see how it's coming along. Goodbye." With that spun and marched out  
the door.   
  
Janus watched her retreating back, then turned to Sofi, who was getting her circulation cut off  
by the cat. "Alfador," Janus began, "doesn't like anybody except me, if you couldn't already  
guess."  
  
Sofi ignored him. "You have such a cut kitty! What's his name?"  
  
"Alfador," Janus repeated. "And he doesn't like you."  
  
"Oh, but he's so sweet!"  
  
The prince sighed. "Alfador!" he called. "Come here."  
  
The purple feline released Sofi's arm and fell regally to the floor, landing with ease on his soft,  
padded feet. He looked up, whiskers twitching, and ran happily over to Janus, curling up at his  
feet.  
  
"Good kitty," the young boy said softly, scratching the now pacified cat behind the ear. "Now,  
go sick her!"  
  
  
Chaos picked up a hammer. "What are we here for again? I forgot."  
  
Washu regarded her with a skeptical glance. "We're here to build the catwalks for this place,  
remember now? I know it's annoying, but we've got to do it, or we'll get killed."  
  
"Joy," Chaos replied dryly, tossing the hammer in her hand. "You know, this little tool gives  
me ideas."  
  
Aurora looked up from her work. "What kind of ideas would those be?" she inquired.   
  
"Grand ideas," the girl replied, eye beginning to twitch. "I imagine nails being slammed  
mercilessly into the ground, grinding downwards and tearing the wood splinters apart. I imagine  
the common use of the sledgehammer, pounding people's skulls in. Now, I imagine the power this  
little tool could possibly wield. One could knock people over the sides of this so easily, you  
know."  
  
"Uh oh," Aurora muttered. "Chaos has an idea."  
  
"And so do I."  
  
Chaos and Aurora turned around to see Washu holding a bungee cord. "With this thing," the  
shortest of the triad continued, "I could go around swinging from the catwalk directly above us. I  
would have so much fun!"  
  
They regarded her with blank stares, then Chaos promptly said, "How conveeeeeenient."  
  
A worker came from behind Aurora and tapped her on the shoulder. "You know," he said  
gruffly, "you three should be workin' on the catwalk, not talkin' over here."  
  
There was a slight pause, and then Chaos spun around, wielding the hammer, and knocked the  
man upside the head. He staggered off to his right, then fell off the side of the catwalk. Chaos and  
Aurora blinked as he fell into the depths of the Ocean Palace, both thinking that it must have been  
painful. Suddenly Washu whizzed right by them, shirt attached to the bungee cord. She cackled  
maniacally as she swung, and Chaos once again looked down at her hammer. So much destructive  
power in that one little thing...  
  
The girl looked up, hazel eyes ablaze with opportunity, and began to charge directly for the  
next person, screaming a battle cry. "I am the wind!" She spun around and the mallet hit the  
worker upside the head, sending him over the edge. "Whoosh!"  
  
Aurora watched the crazed duo, one swinging from a bungee cord, the other slamming people  
over the side of the catwalk with a hammer. She sighed; it was crazy, lunatic, insane fun, and she  
had no part of it.  
  
Chaos was now throwing every person that got into a five-foot radius of her off of the  
catwalks, and Washu was just sort of swinging through the place, knocking people off as well.   
  
As Washu completed her fifth circuit around the catwalk, she slammed her twentieth or so  
person off the edge. They fell screaming down in the black depth, and she stopped, looking down  
sheepishly. "Sorry!" she yelled, slamming into some more people.   
  
Aurora shook her head. "What are you doing?" she demanded. "Is if truly necessary to engage  
in such drivel activity? Where is the meaning in this senseless vengeance? What have these people  
done to you yet that you should want to destroy their lives? Is there any goal to be accomplished  
in this..."  
  
That was when Queen Zeal showed up, in a flash of light; right behind Aurora.  
  
The girl slammed into the powerful mage and looked up, half expecting to see one of the tall,  
blue metal poles of their school. Instead, she was gazing into the angry eyes of the queen of all  
Zeal.  
  
This was also about the time Washu was swinging in this direction, and Chaos had decided to  
throw her hammer to her soaring friend.   
  
The hammer hit Queen Zeal and ricocheted off of her, forcing her over the edge of the  
catwalk. She fell about two feet, then regained control of her flight and soared back up to the  
edge, glaring at the triad.   
  
However, as soon as she was glaring at them, Washu swung around and hit her off the edge  
again. The swinging girl then landed and detached the rope. "Oops," she whispered.   
  
  
When the queen rose above the edge again, she was furious.  
  
"Umm, is this a bad sign?" Chaos asked. The other two nodded. "Should we run?"  
  
"Yes we should," Aurora confirmed. The triad turned tail and began to run down the  
corridors. Very quickly. As in, a cheetah could hardly keep up with them.  
  
Yeah, you could say they were scared.  
  
Queen Zeal gave chase, throwing plasma arrows every chance she got. Of course, none of  
them hit, because then this would be over too quickly. However, her aim for the walls was very  
good. Chaos looked behind to see how the queen was doing, then turned back to her companions  
in arms.   
  
"Guys," she whispered. "It's either the queen wants to kill the Ocean Palace itself, or she isn't  
a very good shot."  
  
"We'd better not take any chances," Aurora agreed. "Come on, the exit's this way!"  
  
Chaos nodded and veered left, leaving Washu in the dust. The remaining girl looked around.  
"Which way was the exit?" she asked herself. Suddenly and arm shot out of the left passage,  
grabbed her, and dragged her in just as Queen Zeal came by, shooting a barrage of plasma arrows.   
  
"This is the way to the exit," Chaos hissed, almost dragging Washu behind her.   
  
Finally the trio made it out of the Ocean Palace. It was right before they got onto the  
teleporting pad that Washu stopped to look around. "Wait a minute," she whispered. "I get the  
feeling we're missing someone..." She began counting the teammates. "One, two, three... Aren't  
there supposed to be four of us?"  
  
They all looked around, then blurted out at the same time; "Where's Sofi!?"  
  
"I don't think she was with us," Aurora added.   
  
"So that means she must be up there, still on Zeal," Chaos continued. "Come on! We have to  
save Sofi!"  
  
  
Meanwhile, the object of the previous three's search was running screaming down a hallway, a  
young, blue haired prince chasing after her. "Oh, come on!" he whined. "I just want to try and  
incase you in a block of ice!"  
  
Sofi looked behind her. "No way, you brat!" she screamed. "You already burned me with fire,  
I am not letting you incase me in a block of ice!"  
  
  
Janus glared coldly at her, and all the while the pair continued to run through the hallway. Sofi  
barely made a quick turn before slamming into the wall, and Janus took the turn with insane ease.  
Suddenly the Zealian prince stopped, as did Sofi, a few yards ahead, panting. The girl smirked,  
but the prince responded to this by pointing forward and saying, "Sic her, Alfador." The violet cat  
mewed in agreement, then thrust himself forward and began giving chase. Sofi was almost  
tempted to say "Aw, what a cute kitty," but instead screamed and tore off in the opposite  
direction.  
  
She took another sharp turn and passed by a blue Nu and two strange looking, alien-like  
creatures. The aliens stared after her, blinked, then looked at each other. "You know," one of  
them said. "Big Sister Doreen said she saw some strange people in Enhasa today."  
  
"Really? Did she say who they were, Mune?" the other one asked.   
  
Mune shook his head. "Not really. She just said they were strange, and obviously didn't have  
magic. Maybe that one who just ran by was one of them."  
  
"Could have been."  
  
"Humans are just so... silly! I'm glad I'm not one of them." Mune turned to face his brother.  
"You think so, Masa?"  
  
Masa nodded agreement. "Of course."  
  
Suddenly a cat darted in front of them, obviously in pursuit of the human.  
  
Masa and Mune both stared and blinked, then shot each other a glance. "They even get chased  
by their own pets," Mune reprimanded. "Now THAT is just strange."  
  
After the current duo, however, a third person ran by, identified as Prince Janus, laughing  
maniacally.  
  
"If somebody else goes through there, then we'll have a parade," Masa remarked dryly.  
  
Suddenly a loud crashing sound came from directly behind the pair, and before they could turn  
around to see what was happening, a collision occurred from behind, sending the pair sprawling  
and the figures who had hit them to the floor.  
  
Chaos looked up from her disorientation. "Hmm? Wha? What happened?" Then she looked in  
front of her. "Oh my gosh...! Hey, you two! Look who we just slammed into!"  
  
Aurora and Washu sat up, rubbing the sore spot on their heads, then looked to where Chaos  
was motioning to. Before either could say anything, Chaos had leapt up onto her feet and was  
obviously trying to discern which of the two alien creatures is which. Then, finally, she decided on  
a way to do so.   
  
"Hi," Chaos began. "Which one of you is obsessed with the wind?"  
  
Aurora and Washu stared at her. That was not the normal way to ask somebody for their  
name. However, to nobody's surprise, the one on the right lifted his hand up into the air. Both  
pushed themselves off the ground and stood before the triad of girls.   
  
"Well then, hello, Masa, Mune," Chaos continued, addressing each one by their proper name.  
"My name is Chaos Shadow. These two are Aurora Firestorm [ffutsrehdaer] and Little Washu.  
You can just call us Chaos, Aurora, and Washu, though." She grinned broadly, and Aurora and  
Washu smiled.   
  
"Well, um, hi?" Masa said. "I haven't seen you around here before..."  
  
"Of course you haven't, big brother!" Mune chuckled. "They're probably the ones the queen is  
after!"  
  
"Yep, that's us," Washu said, pride swelling in her voice.  
  
"Well then, nice to meet you!" Mune continued. "It's not every person that can get the queen  
so mad like that in such a short time!"  
  
"It's our specialty," Aurora said blandly.  
  
Suddenly an explosion rocked the outer perimeter of the palace, almost knocking to triad off  
balance. They all looked up, and Aurora quickly summed up their report. "That would be the  
queen."  
  
Chaos took over for the dictation. "So sorry we have to chat and run, but you know, with  
powerful royalty chasing you and all, it's best not to stay in one place for too long. Oh, and  
should we ever wind up meeting again, here's something you can identify me by." Chaos breathed  
in, a bit deep, then shouted; "I am the wind! Whoosh!"   
  
The triad then ran off.  
  
Masa watched them for a minute, then turned to his little brother. "I told you they were odd,"  
he said flatly.   
  
"Well, I dunno," Mune responded, thinking. "I admit, they were rather silly, but it's natural for  
their species. Besides, that one-Chaos? I think her name was-gave me a good quote." He turned  
to the doorway just as Queen Zeal burst through, looking around with a crazed fire in her eyes.  
Then, in greeting, he cried, "I am the wind! Whoosh!"  
  
Queen Zeal stared at him. "You aren't the wind," she said acidly.   
  
  
"No, but I wanna be the wind!"  
  
This only made the queen stare at him with a raised eyebrow. "Right..." she responded, slowly.  
"Did you happen to see any humans running by here?"  
  
Masa looked at Mune, and both of them in unison said. "No."  
  
Queen Zeal glared at the both of them. "If you're lying to me..." she began. "Oh, never mind.  
Just tell everyone here to look out for four insane Earthbound people." With that she was off.   
  
Masa looked at Mune. "They didn't look like Earthbound people, did they?"  
  
Mune shook his head. "Nope. They sure didn't. So, we didn't see any Earthbound people  
running around here!"  
  
  
"Do you see her yet?" Aurora asked. Chaos looked forward.   
  
"No, not over here. Washu, you don't see her yet, do you?" Washu shook her head.   
  
"Oh, this is pointless." Aurora skidded to a halt, the other two following in suite. "We can't  
catch up with her this easily."  
  
"We don't even know where she is," Chaos sighed, leaning against the wall. "She could be  
anywhere. She could be outside. She could be in the Blackbird, she could be in the Ocean Palace,  
she could be.."  
  
"Help me!" Sofi suddenly darted in front of the triad. They all looked after her, shocked and  
wordless, then they all sprang up and yelled in unison 'Wait for me!'  
  
Soon enough a little procession of three was chasing after Sofi, who was still running for her  
life despite the fact that Alfador had given up the chase and Janus was laughing too hard to  
continue.   
  
"Wait a minute Sofi!" Washu yelled after her. "You aren't being chased by Alfador anymore!"  
  
Without warning sunlight was streaming onto their faces and the quartet had run outside into  
the fresh air, Sofi still running all out. The chase continued for a few more minutes, after which  
they all suddenly stopped short in their flight due to an obstruction in their path. All four looked  
up to see what it was that impeded their progress.   
  
Looming before them and casting a long shadow over them was a huge, black avian machine,  
the dark hulls glinting in the sunlight that shone on it. The glass of the cockpit gleamed silver in  
the brilliant light of the cloudless skies, and Aurora, Chaos, and Washu all breathed at the same  
  
instant, "The Blackbird."  
  
Sofi just tilted her head. "The what?"  
  
"Well," Aurora said bitterly. "That just ruined the drama of the moment."  
  
"There was drama?"  
  
"A bit."  
  
Sofi looked down and closed her eyes. "Ah. I see..." She looked up again and noticed that her  
three friends were gone. "Hey, wait a minute!" she yelled. "Come back! Sofi is lonely!" She  
darted for the open hatch of the machine.   
  
Meanwhile, up in the cockpit, Aurora, Chaos, and Washu were all struggling for the controls  
of the machine.  
  
"I want it!"  
  
"No, it's my turn to pilot a vehicle!"  
  
"You can't even play Starfox 64 correctly!"  
  
"I don't OWN an N64! I at least did something well with it!"  
  
"True, you blew one of us up. And yourself!"  
  
"Well, I'm the master of all Spyro flight levels!"  
  
"I've played Jet Force Gemini more times than I can count!"  
  
"What does that have to do with anything?"  
  
"I don't know... Oh! The Floyd missions!"  
  
"Oh yeah? Well I..."  
  
"I've actually..."  
  
"I'm more capable..."  
  
And so a fight broke out. Three people arguing and bickering over who would take the  
controls, despite the fact that nobody knew how to use them. Chaos was shoved away from the  
central dust cloud, a bit bruised, while Aurora and Washu continued to fight. For a moment she  
thought she was out of the running, then she noticed a tiny port in the wall. She slung her  
backpack off of her shoulders, then rummaged through it for a minute, finally producing a  
Playstation controller. She fit the end into the Blackbird's consol, then commenced to act as  
though she were starting up a game. She pressed the 'Start' button and the engine began to  
whine.  
  
The Blackbird took off.  
  
Aurora was now sitting in the pilots seat, laughing maniacally because she had just obtained  
the controls. She began trying to fly the machine in a loop, then realized it refused to turn the  
direction she commanded. "What on Earth?" she managed. Then a call came up right beside her.  
  
"Sweet! The analog pad works for this!"  
  
Just as Aurora was about to turn, Sofi walked into the room, panting from running around the  
central body looking for the cockpit, and the Blackbird began diving towards the ground, nose  
first, at top speed. Three screams rent the cockpit room, and one laugh as the plane narrowly  
scraped the ground and came to a skidding halt next to a little cave in the ground. Well, they  
didn't exactly skid...  
  
"There, I told you'd I'd make it."  
  
"Well it shouldn't have been so close!"  
  
"Ooh, what does this do?  
  
"Sofi, don't touch that!"  
  
"Look out! You're gonna crash!"  
  
"Don't pull that lever!"  
  
"But what does it do?"  
  
"Bad stuff! Now don't pull it! No, no, GET AWAY FROM THE LEVER!"  
  
"NOOOOOOOOO!"  
  
Well, anyways, the Blackbird dug into the ground, nose first, and promptly burst into flames.  
Fortunately for the four girls, the glass of the cockpit wasn't very stable, and the entire thing  
broke, raining shards of glass into the vehicle. Again fortunately for the quartet, they had all been  
pushed under the main consol when this happened.  
  
Aurora was the first one to venture out of their hiding place and look up. "Hey, guys," she  
began, pointing upward. "I think we can get out now."  
  
The other three crawled out, Sofi last and most cautiously, and began to look around the  
wreckage of the cockpit. The entire thing was severely battered and beaten, and the flames around  
the rest of the plane seemed to be melting some of it, but other than that, it was fine. In fact, in the  
corner stood one lone machine that was still, somehow, capable of running.   
  
"Ooh, what's that?" everyone asked at once, rushing over to see it. Washu pressed the 'On'  
button, and the machine hummed and clicked to life, showing a blank sky blue screen. Black  
words began to cross it.  
  
"Hello. I am the Detector," the computer-like mechanical instrument buzzed. "My job is to  
identify your current statics, levels, and abilities. How may I help you?"  
  
Washu leaned over to Aurora and whispered; "What an original name."  
  
Chaos walked forward. "I don't understand what the heck you just said, but... Um... Monitor  
my current statics, please."  
  
"Very well," the Detector whirred. A beam of red light lanced out and swept over the startled  
girl. The beam then retracted, and the computer's text turned from black to red as statistics rolled  
down the page.  
  
Name: Chaos Shadow  
Level: 65 (What on Earth?)  
HP: 999/999 (How did my stats start off so high?)  
MP: 99/99 (Why are you complaining?)  
Pwr: ** (Ooh, maxed out...)  
Hit: 21 (What is that for, anyways?)  
Spd: ** (Ooh, maxed out again...)  
Mgc: 60 (You know, these look familiar for some reason...)  
Ev: 34 (Hmm...)  
Stam: ** (I know I've seen them before.)  
M. Def: ** (I've got it!)  
  
She interrupted the computer's processing. "I know where I've seen those stats before!"  
  
The other three looked at her like she was crazy. Which, granted, they were one hundred  
percent correct, but now they looked at her like she was even crazier.   
  
"Those are Glenn's stats!"  
  
Again, they stared at her. "How did you come to that conclusion, Chaos?" Sofi inquired.  
  
"Well, I knew somebody on my CT team had those stats, and they were obviously appointed  
to the best person on my team, and--I don't care how weird you think this is--that character is  
Glenn." This explanation was met with blank stares. "I guess it just rubbed off when I met him."  
  
  
A unison "Oh" crept up through the tiny crowd.   
  
"My turn!" Washu chirped, jumping in front of the computer. "All right, computer. Scan  
away!"  
  
Name: Little Washu  
Level: 64 (Not bad)  
HP: 999/999  
MP: 99/99  
Pwr: 96  
Hit: 60  
Spd: **  
Mgc: 98 (Whoo hoo!)  
Ev: 54  
Stam: **  
M. Def: **  
  
"Not too shabby," Aurora commented. "Now it's my turn."  
  
"Who rubbed off on you?" Chaos asked.  
  
Aurora shrugged. "Beats me."  
  
Name: Aurora Firestorm  
Level: 62  
HP: 999/999  
MP: 98/98 (ha ha)  
Pwr: ** (All right, you got Ayla)  
Hit: 53  
Spd: 15 (What? Not maxed out?)  
Mgc: 21 (Grr....)  
Ev: 60  
Stam: **  
M. Def: **  
  
"And lastly Sofi steps before the Detector," Chaos announced, shoving Sofi in front of the  
computer. "I wonder who rubbed off on her..."  
  
Name: Sofi (information withheld)  
Level: 61  
HP: 999/999  
MP: 99/99  
Pwr: 21 (That's sad)  
Hit: 26  
Spd: **  
Mgc: 62  
Ev: 27 (This list is pathetic)  
Stam: 48  
M. Def: **  
  
"Sofi..." Washu began, trying to think of the bluntest possible way to say what she was  
thinking.  
  
"Thou ist sad," Chaos quicky finished, lapsing into Old English.  
  
Aurora looked up. "Um, guys, in case you haven't noticed, the Blackbird is still burning, and  
we're about to get caught in the flame."  
  
"Oh," was the unison reply. Then, suddenly, the four rushed to the side and leapt out of the  
plane, right before it burst into total flames. The four stared at the disaster.   
  
"Well, I guess we walk from here," Aurora stated calmly.  
  
"This cave looks familiar," Washu added, studying the cave.   
  
"Pretty flames," Sofi stated, wide eyed.  
  
Chaos, however, had the last word.  
  
"We need marshmallows."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
All right, I know that chapter was not up to par with the rest in the end, but I just had to state our  
statics because I was bored. So, just ignore the end part if that's why you flame me, if you flame  
me, because it was there for purposes of my friend's very brief reference should they use it.   
  
Well, anyways, please review, because I'm only putting up the next part if I get NINE reviews  
total. Yes, nine, and they can be from people who have already revies, and yes, no flames. Flamers  
get special recognition in the disclaimer, and as you can tell, you don't want to be in the  
disclaimer. Especially since the next one features Magus. So, please, review. I like reviews.   
  
~ Chaos Shadow 


	7. Gaspar's Got Some Issues to Sort Out, an...

Three Fools and an Idiot  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
Written by Chaos Shadow  
Original concept cleverly taken from one Aurora Firestorm who was not happy with me when I  
began writing this  
Many, many ideas submitted by Little Washu. Oh so many...  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Chaos: Hi, people! Today I'll conduct a normal disclaimer! How does that sound?  
  
Washu: Don't believe her.  
  
Chaos: Shut up. Anyways, I'll give it to you straight; I don't own any of the Chrono Trigger  
characters, and I definitely don't own my friends. Also...  
  
Washu: *points to Chaos* She's insane.  
  
Chaos: Yes, and... Hey! That's not true!  
  
Washu: Yes, it is.  
  
Chaos: Okay... So maybe it is true, but... You didn't have to TELL the people!  
  
Washu: Of course not! They could figure it out themselves!  
  
Chaos: *eye twitch* Why... You... I'M the only one allowed to tell people I'm insane! I've even  
got a permit! See? *takes out permit and holds it up*  
  
Washu: Wow...  
  
Chaos: Hah! There! Now you can't tell people I'm insane! I'm certified and I carry a card!   
  
Washu: Where's your certificate?  
  
Chaos: Um... Frame shop.  
  
Washu: Ah... *looks at card* What did you emboss this with? A screwdriver?  
  
Chaos: As a matter of fact, I did.  
  
Washu: *blinks* I didn't expect that...  
  
Chaos: You haven't read Calvin and Hobbes then.  
  
Washu: Haven't read what?  
  
Chaos: Come with me; I'll show you...  
  
Aurora: *pokes head out to stage and walks on* Well... I guess we're... Um... Here, then. Yeah...  
*coughs* As Chaos was trying to say, she doesn't own us, we don't own the CT characters, and I  
am a petite polka dotted chicken. *squints at cue card* What the...?  
  
Sofi: *holding cue card* Don't ask me.  
  
(There's a slight pause)  
  
Sofi: Hey... Didn't Chaos say that this chapter would involve Magus?"  
  
Aurora: Well, it's been months since she last worked on it, so I guess she can't be expected to  
remember...  
  
Sofi: But... I remembered, and she's writing the disclaimer...  
  
(Longer pause)  
  
Aurora: Ah, well. Wanna go get an icy?  
  
Sofi: Ooh... Do they sell Suckymunkeys where we're going?  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Part VII  
  
"I don't know where I left off! Yippee!"  
  
Washu regarded Chaos very strangely. "How can you not know when you can go back and  
reread it so you can figure out where we are?"  
  
Chaos looked at Washu for a moment, then looked over to Aurora and Sofi, trying to think of  
a stupid yet somehow sane reason. "Because... Um... They told me I couldn't?"  
  
"And that would stop you how?"  
  
Chaos shrugged. "It just would, okay? Or maybe - just maybe - I really don't feel like doing  
that and just getting on with the good stuff."  
  
Washu brightened up. "You mean the fight with Spekkio?!"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Well, then, what are you doing sitting there and writing this up? Let's go to the End of  
Time!"  
  
Chaos watched her run off, and immediately followed her, leaving Sofi and Aurora sitting in  
the black void that is the null-space where characters go when they aren't needed to do anything.  
Sofi looked to Aurora.  
  
"And I always figured that the ends of the earth would be bad... But... The end of time?"  
  
Aurora sighed heavily and patted Sofi's shoulder. "You'll see, Sofi. You'll see..."  
  
  
Without warning, the four promptly appeared at the End of Time.  
  
Unfortunately, it wasn't the pretty version that had to be canceled due to time constraints. But  
the background was nice enough as it was, all blue and black and swirly and I haven't played in  
a long time so I don't know quite what it looks like but you get the idea...  
  
Sofi sat up and shook her head, looking around. "How did we get here?"  
  
Chaos shrugged. "Plot hole," she said mildly.   
  
"Isn't that one of those excuses when you really can't think of exactly what happened?"  
Aurora inquired. Chaos shook her head.   
  
"No, I mean it. We literally waltzed right into a plot hole and got sent here. See?" She  
pointed to where they had all tumbled out of, and a large, black hole with yellow electricity arcs  
hovered above them. Everybody else blinked.  
  
"Well I'll be darned..." Aurora muttered.  
  
"Darned?" Chaos inquired, raising an eyebrow. "But you don't need to be sewn up."  
  
Aurora blinked. Chaos sighed and gave her a 'never mind' look. "Forget about it," she said  
bluntly. "Just forget about it..."  
  
Aurora blinked again. "What were we talking about?" she asked.   
  
Now it was Chaos' turn to blink.   
  
"My, that was fast."  
  
"Okay..." Sofi began, getting up and looking around. " I know how we got here, but let's start  
another question: Where are we?"  
  
"You are here."  
  
The quartet immediately looked over to where the new voice had come from. It had born a  
masculine tone, immediately giving away that none of them had said anything, and seemed to  
come from the center of the End of Time, under a convenient lamppost. In fact, under this  
convenient lamppost was a man, draped in some brownish robes, with a cane and a hat of a  
similar color (to the robes, not the cane). Sitting right next to him was a small mound of  
something shiny and black that nobody could identify, and behind him was the lamppost. He was  
apparently leaning against it, fighting off sleep.  
  
The four girls ran over to him, Chaos immediately ducking down to inspect the small black  
mass while the other three went up to him and began either regarding him - Aurora - glaring at  
him for no reason - Washu - or just standing there looking confused - Sofi.  
  
"What was that?" Sofi inquired again.   
  
"You are here," the man repeated.  
  
Chaos picked up whatever the black shiny stuff was and found herself grinning madly as she  
looked at it. Despite her joy at finding out it was a very... Dibby... Trench coat, she couldn't help  
but say "You sound like a mall directory" before immediately discarding the mantle she had  
picked up from Glenn and testing out the trench coat. However conveniently, it was a perfect fit.  
  
"But... Where is here?" Sofi pressed.  
  
"Here is here," the man replied.  
  
"So where are we?"  
  
"You are here?"  
  
"And here is...?"  
  
"Here is here."  
  
"Okay," Washu broke in. "Now this is just getting plain silly."  
  
"Well, first of all," Chaos said, coming back to the group after having found a good place to  
dispose of the extra cloak (ie: off the side of the End of Time) "we should all know where we  
are. It's the End of Time, and..."  
  
"Hey! Where did the trench coat come from?" Washu immediately demanded of Chaos. She  
simply shrugged in reply and gave her an 'I found it and I don't know why so shut up and don't  
ask stupid questions' look.   
  
Gaspar, obviously the sleepy old guy under the lamppost looked up. "Exactly," he said before  
looking down again. "Now shut up and let me sleep. I need SLEEP!"  
  
Aurora crossed her arms and stuck out her tongue. "Fine, then" she growled. "We'll just  
storm off to see Spekkio so he can give us magic, then! Forget you!"  
  
With that angry statement, the four stormed off, Chaos and Washu holding a minor argument  
under their breath (which ended in Chaos exploding with the words "YOU'VE GOT A NICE  
COLORED CLOAK, ALL RIGHT?!"). Gaspar looked after them, then sighed and looked down.  
  
"I feel so alone," he whined.  
  
  
They opened the gate to Spekkio's place. They stepped inside. Heh. Short sentences.  
  
Immediately upon entering the area, light flooded from above. The four girls covered their  
eyes as best they could, Chaos and Washu having the best luck because they had an extra  
garment of clothing that could help them, and then they finally managed to look up.   
  
There, standing before them, was... Um... Well, they weren't quite sure what it was. It was  
constantly changing its form. At first it appeared to be a Croaker, and the next moment it was a  
Nu, then the Masamune monster, and then something that I forgot the name of. It continued to  
change as such until everybody was dizzy from watching it mutate.  
  
"Choose a zarking form and stay there!" Washu commanded, fed up utterly, and Spekkio  
finally stopped transforming, settling on the Masamune monster.   
  
"All right, all right," Spekkio muttered darkly. "Now, then, what do you want? Come on, be  
quick, I haven't got all of eternity."  
  
"Yes you do," Aurora countered.  
  
Spekkio stumbled on this, then finally shrugged. "Okay, so I do. But, still, I don't like wasting  
my infinite time!"  
  
Everybody attempted to figure out exactly what that meant but, upon failing miserably, gave  
up entirely and just let him say it.   
  
"Okay, so, what do you want? No, wait, let me guess." Spekkio took about three seconds to  
think. "Magic, right?"  
  
The quartet nodded.  
  
"Uh huh. And, if I may ask, why do you want magic."  
  
A plethora of replies immediately bombarded him.   
  
"So that Zeal won't try and kill us again."  
  
"So we can defend ourselves better."  
  
"Because all the kids at school have it."  
  
"Because it's cool... Wait. The kids at school have it?"  
  
"Peer pressure's always a reason..."  
  
Spekkio blinked, somewhat confused by all this. "You four... You aren't normal, are you?"   
  
They all replied "No, of course not." The sad thing was that Washu and Chaos ended up  
thanking Spekkio for his compliment.   
  
"Right then," Spekkio muttered. "Okay, let's do some searching of the souls and figure out  
what magic Elements you're all cut out to be."  
  
Spekkio floated over to Aurora and looked her over very carefully. "I see... I see... Mm  
hmm... Pathetic magical powers..."  
  
"Hey!"  
  
"But very strong physically... Although how that helps a bow, I'm trying to figure out right  
now... Yes, yes... I know what to give you! You possess the power of Ice, the healing of water  
combined with the offense of wind! How do you feel?"  
  
Aurora blinked a few times before finally answering. "A bit insulted, actually..."  
  
"That's wonderful!"  
  
She blinked again.  
  
"And as for you..." He now turned to Chaos, who stood, grinning like a maniac. She had a  
feeling that her magical power would be a very nice pick...  
  
(Well, of course it will be. You are the author...)  
*Be quiet!  
  
"I see... An all around good fighter person... High magical capabilities, good offense and  
defense... But you prefer offense - I can't blame you - and you're a very odd, mysterious person  
who is rather cynical and somewhat insane. Okay... I bestow upon you the Elemental of  
Shadows! The greatest strengths of all the other elements combined into a really nice, dark  
package."  
  
Chaos continued grinning as Washu and Aurora stared at her. Quite suddenly, before going to  
Washu, he seemed to remember something and turned to Sofi. "You!" he yelled. "Walk the  
perimeter of this place three times clockwise!"  
  
Sofi blinked. "Why?"  
  
"In order for me to bestow magic upon you, you must do it!"  
  
"But..." Sofi pointed to Aurora and Chaos. "They didn't have to, and neither does Washu..."  
  
Spekkio thought about that for a moment, then gave his excuse. "You're special. Now do it."  
  
Sofi, grumbling harshly under her breath, commenced to jog around the perimeter of the little  
diamond shaped area thingy.  
  
"I SAID WALK!"  
  
Sofi then slowed down and began to just walk, kicking the small rocks that appeared from  
nowhere off the edge and muttering something to herself. Spekkio, meanwhile, had turned to  
Washu.  
  
"Yes... You... You're also unique... Very powerful magically, although physically it's not  
quite so well off, but that's okay since magic is fun. Anyways... You're unique, like the last one  
over there, so you deserve an element that not too many people get... I have it! I bestow upon you  
the Sun elemental! Flames force and light's powers combine to create the flaming mass of  
gaseous substance and plasma that we orbit!"  
  
Everybody stared at Spekkio, and Sofi rounded the corner for the third time. "Okay, I'm  
done!" she called out.   
  
"Ah... Yes, you," Spekkio said, floating over to Sofi now. "You'll take a bit of thinking..."  
  
Washu turned to Chaos and Aurora. "Hah! My elements special! Only one other person has it,  
and that's my fan character!"  
  
"So's mine," Chaos muttered. "Very few people have it, you know; Shadow magic is very  
rare..."  
  
"Hey!" Aurora immediately howled. "How come you two got the nice elements while I'm  
stuck with Ice!"  
  
"Look on the bright side," Chaos offered, "at least it's not..."  
  
"I'll give you Cloud magic!"  
  
The trio that had been discussing magic whirled around and stared, blinking, at Spekkio and  
Sofi. "Cloud..." Chaos repeated. "What the heck is Cloud...?"  
  
Spekkio laughed. "Cloud is a very... Unique... Magic element. It can harness the powers of  
water and electricity in a small cloud. However, it's very dangerous, as it can-"  
  
"I'm gonna try it!" Sofi proclaimed loudly, immediately attempting to cast cloud - and,  
miraculously, managing to do so. Now Sofi stood there with a small, gray rain cloud over her  
head. She looked at it, pleased with herself, and then suddenly was drenched under the torrent of  
water. "Hey!" she exclaimed suddenly, before a bolt of lightning came forth and fried her.   
  
She ended up on the ground, twitching. "Ow..."  
  
"Well, that's that," Spekkio said. "You can run along now; you're all done here."  
  
"We are?" Chaos asked. "But... Don't we have to fight you?"  
  
"Nope. I'm not the mood to fight. Besides, that one" - he indicated Sofi - "would probably  
kill herself during the match."  
  
Aurora, Washu, and Chaos looked over, then looked back at Spekkio. "Good point..." Washu  
agreed.   
  
"Well, that's that, then," Spekkio said. "I guess you're in a hurry now, then? Or could you  
stay and help me clean out the refrigerator?"  
  
Aurora corked an eyebrow. "Clean out the refrigerator?"  
  
"Yes. Of course, if you can't, I still have just one question for you." Spekkio turned around,  
grabbed something, then spun around on Aurora, glass of some sort of white liquid in one hand,  
knife in the other. "IS THIS MILK STILL FRESH!?"  
  
"Huh?" Aurora unwittingly took a sip from the cup before she was clobbered. "Um... Yeah..."  
  
"Oh, that's good. Okay, just checking." Spekkio waved them goodbye as they exited, picking  
up Sofi and dragging her with them. "Thanks for that! Enjoy your new magical powers of  
DOOM!"  
  
Chaos looked over to Washu and Aurora as they left. "Spekkio... That was certainly a...  
Unique... Experience..."  
  
"You mean," Washu translated. "That it was one of the queerest things you've ever seen and  
hope for it to never happen again?"  
  
"Yeah, pretty much."  
  
As they went by Gaspar and his lamppost again, Sofi groaned, and Gaspar was still muttering  
something under his breath. "I'm so unloved... Nobody likes me... I'm so lonely... Nobody  
comes by just to say hello..." 


	8. Of Sewer Trips, Sir Krawly, the Profound...

Three Fools and an Idiot  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
Written by Chaos Shadow  
Original concept snatched away from Aurora Firestorm  
Numerous insanities submitted by Little Washu  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
(Chaos pokes her head out on the stage and walks out, then coughs and motions behind the  
curtain. Sofi, Washu, and Aurora follow in proper suite, then all stand and cough as well.)  
  
Chaos: *coughs again* You know, I'm the only that's supposed to cough...  
  
Sofi, Washu, and Aurora: *sheepish grins* We lost our scripts...  
  
Chaos: You... Don't have a script...  
  
Sofi: I managed to lose mine anyways, though!  
  
Chaos: *sweatdrop* That's... That's just sad...  
  
Aurora: Anyways, I guess we don't need them, since we're doing a MAIL CALL!  
  
Washu: *takes out little bugle and toots it for some reason, then places into back pocket...  
Somehow*  
  
Chaos: Ah, yes! Mail call! When we look at all the previous reviews and answer them!   
  
Sofi: *walks backstage and brings in large mail bag, then shakes it; fourteen letters fall out*  
Here they are!  
  
Washu: *sweatdrop* That's not a lot...  
  
Sofi: *shrugs* Yeah... But they ARE reviews... *looks to Chaos* You like reviews, right?  
  
Chaos: Yes.... Yes, I like reviews a lot... *nudgenudgewinkwinkknowwhatImean* Anyways, let's  
read and answer them now!  
  
Washu: Why are we doing this again?  
  
Chaos: I... Ran out of other disclaimer ideas...  
  
(All glare at her)  
  
Sofi, Washu, Aurora: *simultaneous insult* You are PATHETIC!  
  
Chaos: *shrugs* What can I do? Anyways... *picks up first letter* Let's read and answer!  
  
From: Washu  
really, really,really funny. Write more now. I like everyting that happens to Washu, but torture  
Arora more.  
  
Chaos: *grins* And thank you for your input, Washu! My, what a coincidental name...  
  
(Meanwhile, in the background, Washu is grinning sheepishly while Aurora has suddenly  
managed to produce a large mallet and is ready to slam her upside the head with said weapon)  
  
Chaos: In fact, I'll grant your wish!  
  
(Aurora's mallet promptly turns into a small, orange bug thing)  
  
Aurora: Wha... An OGLOP! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THOSE ARE BUT I DON'T LIKE  
THEM! GET IT AWAY GET IT AWAY GET IT AWAY! *runs around in a circle while being  
chased by the Oglop*  
  
Chaos: *chuckles* Gotta love Final Fantasy IX... Anyways... Sofi, you take the next one.  
  
Sofi: Goody! *picks up next letter, opens it*  
  
From: Habib Phatu  
This story is hilarious. kettle korn rules!!!!  
  
Sofi: *grins* Yay! My Kettle Korn has fans!  
  
Chaos, Washu: *sweatdrop* O-kay...  
  
Aurora: *is still running from harmless Oglop*  
  
Chaos: *recovers* Anyways... Ah... Washu! You take the next one! We'll see if Aurora recovers  
and then she can answer the next one...  
  
Washu: Yay! A fan letter! *opens up letter*  
  
From: Sage of Darkness  
XD!!! This is an awesome ficcie! Continue it soon, please, I'm dying to know what happens  
next!!!  
  
Washu: I still don't know what XD means, but I think it's a good thing... Oh, and I hope you  
didn't die. I don't think dying is a good thing...   
  
Aurora: Take this, you cur! *finally smacks Oglop off the stage*  
  
Chaos: Aurora! That was a harmless little cute bug thing!  
  
Aurora: *eye twitch* Cute...?  
  
Chaos: *holds up letter* You get to answer this one, by the way.  
  
Aurora: *takes it, looks confused* Ah... *opens it*  
  
From: Not giving name-for reasonable reasons   
Hihi! I'm glad you've heard of Neopets! Yayness. Poor Chaos. Magus, or Glenn? Aww... That's  
like trying to choose between kefka and Sephiroth.   
  
I've been reading your fanfic for a LOOONG time, but just now revewied. Kettle corn's good!  
Keep up with the sporks! Muhahaha! Uweeeheeheehee! **Cough** Okay, no more of that. Well,  
untill the NEXT reveiw! Gyahahaha! ((Eww...Heidigger laugh...icky))  
  
Aurora: *blinks* Ah... Neopets. Yeah, okay, I remember that site from, like, when I was a little  
kid...  
  
Chaos: That was about a year ago...  
  
Aurora: *glares* ANYWAY... I dunno about the Kefka/Sephiroth analogy...  
  
Washu: *whispers* Because you haven't played a Final Fantasy in your life...  
  
Aurora: But... Ah... Thanks for reviewing?  
  
Chaos: You are sad... Anyways, yes, the Magus/Glenn choice is very hard, and although I have  
personally never seen Kefka, I'll probably end up running across him someday, although  
Sephiroth is cool, as he has a sword. But then, if Kefka has a spork... *grins evilly*  
  
All else: *back away slowly*  
  
Chaos: My turn again, then!  
  
From: *unknown*  
Excellent story!! keep up the great work I look forward to what happens next all the chapters are  
very well written welll happy writing!!  
  
Chaos: Yes, I am happy while writing, for writing makes me happy, and I am happy when I  
write, for it is enjoyable, and enjoyment makes one happy, and... *rambles on and on in the  
background*  
  
Sofi: ....Ah.... My turn, then... *picks up letter*  
  
From: Kari-Ohki  
Such HIGH stats....Poor Sofi got attacked by ANOTHER kitty! And burnt...and almost  
frozen...and spoke in the third person (like Ayla)  
  
Sofi: Somebody cares about me! Yay! *switches to whiny voice* Being burnt and frozen and  
speaking the third person isn't fun!  
  
Washu: But... You DO sometimes speak in the third person...  
  
Sofi: Sofi commands you to shut up!  
  
Washu: *sweatdrop again* Next one's mine...  
  
Chaos: Take the next two; they're short.  
  
Washu: 'Kay.  
  
From: Karen Rosalie  
Hmmmm....Ch5's my favourite so far....Hmmmmm....I like it!  
  
From: Kitsuneko  
He he, Marshmallows...  
^_^fun!  
  
Washu: *grins evilly* Flashbacks are fun... And so are marshmallows! *promptly takes out large  
pack of those enormous, poofy marshmallows and begins eating them* They can get you sugar  
high!  
  
Aurora: Ah... Yeah, okay... I'll just pick up this one, then...  
  
From: Showstopper  
Read the whole thing and I like it. It's funny and anybody who references  
Invader Zim automatically gets cool points from me. Damn Nick. That's   
the only good show they had on that channel and they cancel it. My favorite   
characters are you and Aurora. You really need to stop torturing poor Sofi  
though, :) Anyways, keep up the good work and have a good day.  
  
Aurora: Somebody DOES like me, then! You are the coolest person!  
  
Chaos: As opposed to the coolest thing, right?  
  
Aurora: *nods* Yeah... And I... Still haven't seen much of Invader Zim... Hey! Put down the  
mallet, Chaos!  
  
Chaos: *puts down oversized mallet* Darn, I like the mallet...  
  
Sofi: *jumps up* And they said you should stop torturing me!  
  
Chaos: Sleep.  
  
(Sofi promptly falls asleep. Aurora blinks and backs away...)  
  
Chaos: I can make her a chicken, if you want!  
  
Aurora: Ah... Just pick up the next one...  
  
From: Habib Phatu  
this story keeps getting better and better. its great  
  
Chaos: *chuckles evilly* Yes... And it is finally reaching the climax... Bet you all waited long  
enough for that point, didn't you? Sofi?  
  
From: Kari-Ohki  
Squee! Finally updated, and it took long enough! So...where will the group go next? 1000 AD?  
2300 AD? The Day of Lavos? I wanna know!  
  
Sofi: Actually, I think we're going to 2300 AD right now... Whatever happens there...  
  
Chaos: Poor Sofi never played the game... And do you mean Squee!, the Jhonen comic, the  
character, or just a random little sound effect... Thingy?  
  
(All stare at Chaos once more)  
  
Chaos: What?  
  
Washu: I'll take THIS pretty one!  
  
From: Habib Phatu  
great as always. i love reading your stories. especially this one.  
  
Washu: Well, I'm sure Chaos likes to hear that... Right?  
  
Chaos: *nods* Yes! I enjoy being appreciated! Appreciation is good!  
  
Aurora: *picks up next one* Second to last one...  
  
From: Dark Magician Girl  
cool! this is a great fic! write more!  
  
Aurora: Ah... Thanks?  
  
Chaos: You're still sad... Anyways, the last letter!  
  
From: Dark Magician Girl  
are you EVER going to finish this fanfic, because its really good and you should continue. by the  
way I think Glenn is your favorite character and not Magus because you wrote about him the  
most.  
  
Chaos: Hey! I have... A lot of time on the weekend, yes, but... That's not the point! Yes, I'll  
finish it... This is either the third or second to last chapter, then the Bloopers, so yes, it'll finish,  
and... No, Glenn is NOT my favorite character!  
  
Washu: Yes he is...  
  
Chaos: HE IS NOT! *smacks Washu with mallet* Anyways, the only reason I write him more is  
that it's a lot easier to make fun of a talking frog than a powerful magician...  
  
Glenn: *promptly taps Chaos on the shoulder* You said something?  
  
Chaos: *doesn't turn around* Should I begin running now?  
  
Glenn: *unsheathes sword* Most likely.  
  
(Long pause. Then...)  
  
Chaos: I NEED MORE SPEED TABS! *runs like the wind... Whoosh!*  
  
All else: *stare at strange chibi chase scene that ensues* Abnormal...  
  
Washu: Anyways, I guess we still don't own anything, we don't own the reviews - well, I own  
mine - and I still say that Square is run by a bunch of jerks for not allowing us to buy the  
characters of this game for TEN DOLLARS NOW! All I want are the kitties!  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Part VIII  
  
The quartet was now standing in a desolate, icy area. Snow blazed by them, covering  
everything in massive sheets of whiteness laid vast deserts, valleys, plains, casting them all  
aglow with the brilliant ivory sheen as the sunlight reflected off of them...  
  
"Okay, okay, there is absolutely no sunlight around here, this snow is more of a gray color -  
looks like it was infused with smoke - and I don't even know if there are any valleys or plains  
out there, but it sounded nice!"  
  
For those of you that couldn't have supposed from their next warp through a Time Gate/Plot  
Hole, the four girls had arrived in The Future in all its desolate happenings. Chaos and Washu  
were still quite warm despite the cold that whipped them, and Aurora could manage to survive...  
As compared to Sofi - poor, tortured Sofi - who was forced to rely upon the warmth that could be  
obtained by attempting to use large sheets of frozen metal that had been found lying around on  
the ground for no apparent reason.  
  
Of course, since the metal was frozen, and thusly unmalleable and downright cold, such a  
concept had been abandoned early on.  
  
Now, everybody knows what The Future looks like; it's an absolutely leveled version of The  
Present, only with some slightly futuristic things on it. The Future is a barren ice land divided  
into a few different continents and islands, and one of the ways to get to one of the islands was  
via means of traversing The Sewers. From The Future, a sentient (defective) robot named Robo  
would normally join the gang of Chrono Trigger, and from there he would be nonliving weight.  
  
It was for the latter reason that Chaos and Washu hated The Future. They didn't dislike it  
nearly as much as Marle's existence in The Present - THAT was torture - but they still had a  
strong dislike for Robo. Perhaps it was that he was far too proper for their liking; perhaps his  
model of building just didn't suite them.  
  
Or perhaps - just maybe - it was because they knew that, along with these two factors, there  
was a decent - heck, inevitable - chance that the two parties would end up meeting sometime  
during The Future. And it wasn't something they were looking forward to.  
  
There was on thing that they were looking forward to, however.  
  
"We're going through The Sewers."   
  
Chaos managed to announce this with disturbing calm to the other three in their party. For the  
most part, at least as far as Sofi was concerned, the idea was stupid, bad, and doubtless reeked to  
high heaven; it was, after all, a sewer system they would be running through. To Aurora, the idea  
made sense; she just hoped that the supposed reek of a sewer wouldn't manifest itself and gas  
them out. To Washu, however, the idea was pure genius.  
  
"Any objections?" the suddenly elected party leader inquired of her small group.  
  
Sofi raised her hand. "Well... Yes," she said. "Won't it stink in there? And aren't there  
monsters? Or at least sewer rats?"  
  
"Don't be stupid!" Washu barked back. "Of course there aren't any rats down there; this is an  
RPG! And if there are any monsters, we'll be able to kill them easily with out amazing powers of  
power-like powers."  
  
Sofi blinked, obviously confused, and Aurora took over.  
  
"Relax, Sofi... If anything is down there, it's probably just a bunch of squid, fish people, and  
alligators..."  
  
* * *  
  
The Sewers had been due east of their location, which had been conveniently due west (in the  
middle of nowhere) of said Sewers. When they set off for The Sewers, however, they found  
something very odd come up almost immediately; the entire continent seemed to shrink - or they  
seemed to grow a lot bigger - and the distance was dramatically decreased between their  
previous location and the one they would be heading to next. Within approximately ten steps,  
they had traversed the three mile distance between the two locations, and upon reaching the  
sewers they suddenly shrank again and appeared in them.   
  
"That was very strange," Chaos exclaimed upon being shrunk down to regular size again.  
  
"You can say that again," Aurora muttered.  
  
"That was very strange," Chaos exclaimed again.  
  
"Why did I get stuck with them?" Aurora asked of nobody. "Why these people?"  
  
They began to traverse The Sewers in good time; in fact, for whatever odd reasoning, they  
met up with absolutely no monsters to speak of. Wether this was a complete fluke, they were  
really lucky, or all of the monsters had congregated near the end of the labyrinth of corridors,  
just waiting for the idiots to come by, nobody could tell.  
  
Well, that upheld until they came to a very strange route.  
  
"What's with the cans on the sides?" Aurora asked.  
  
"What's with the garbage can down there?" Washu inquired, echoing the same tone of voice.  
  
"What's with the obviously high-powered motion sensitive security system with the tracer  
lights over there?" Chaos continued.  
  
"What's with the kitty?" Sofi finished.  
  
The pause was minute immediately after Sofi's exclamation, but the noise that came up after  
that wasn't.  
  
"There's a kitty?"  
  
"Where's a kitty?"  
  
"Oh! There it is! It's a cute 'lil ginger cat!"  
  
"Aw... It looks like some sort of kitty but I can't tell which one!"  
  
"It's like an orange Alfador!"  
  
"Awww!"   
  
The unison cry that always accompanied seeing an adorable little animal just standing there  
came up, and the entire party rushed forward towards the kitten. Chaos scooped it up from under  
the belly and held it in her arms in an upside-down position while Aurora began scratching its  
tummy and Washu took the area under its chin. Sofi, not wanting to get near another cat for a  
long time, managed to slide past them and continue on down the road without anybody that she  
was forced to follow in front of her.  
  
Having supposedly escaped her wretched destiny, she promptly went off down the road while  
the remaining triad played with the kitten. She wouldn't be distracted so easily!  
  
"Oh, look, pie!"  
  
Okay, maybe she would.   
  
Sofi knelt down besides the oddly misplaced pie and picked it up, regarding it carefully and  
hungrily and realizing, rather suddenly, that she hadn't eaten since they had gotten there. Of  
course, they had gotten there what had amounted to either nine years ago or two hours ago  
(depending on how you viewed the space/time continuum at the moment) but she really didn't  
care right about then.   
  
She managed to locate another conveniently placed utensil - the amazing, wondrous FORK! -  
and promptly dug into the pie with the very faint sound of steamy goodness from within being  
released. Whatever that sounded like.  
  
She was then promptly attacked by a pair of killer fishmen.  
  
"Ah!" she yelled suddenly, backing away and releasing the pie from her hand. Time suddenly  
slowed down to a crawl as she stared, horrified, at what had just happened. "No!" she cried out  
in one of those funky slow-motion deep voices, immediately followed by an equally as funky  
slow-motion deep voice; "My pie!"  
  
Now, I bet most of you can anticipate what happens next; if you say it involves the said pie  
smacking into the face of one of the fishmen, who then promptly backs into his partner and  
plummets both of them off into the sewers, well... I would say you're right, but that would be  
too cheap, too cliche, and besides, you never EVER hit people with apple pie - it's just GOT  
to be coconut cream to get any laughs. Or at least some cheap whipped cream.  
  
So, just for the sake of not having that happen, the fishman that is about to have his face  
suddenly assaulted by apple pie happens to look down...  
  
"A quarter!" the monster - somehow - exclaimed, immediately bending down and picking up  
the shiny object. The pie flew over his head, hovered for a second over the water, then fell into  
the sewers just as the monster came back up with the quarter.  
  
He came up to see Sofi on her hands and knees, sobbing uncontrollably over the loss of her  
pie.  
  
"No... My pie..." she wailed hysterically. "I never got to taste you... You might have been  
peach and not coconut cream somehow... WHY!?"  
  
The fishmen exchanged confused glances, then looked towards Sofi.  
  
"Is she mental?" one of them asked. The other shook his head. "I dunno."  
  
"Should we leave her alone?"   
  
"Let her mourn her losses; that pie must have been a pretty special thing to her."  
  
And thus was the easy way to keep the fishermen away from you. They stepped back into the  
sewers and promptly swam out to where the pie was, curious as to what flavor it really was.  
  
"Maybe it's blueberry..."  
  
Sofi looked up, confused, then suddenly looked around and wailed; "Now I'm alone! Wai!"  
She looked up, sniffled slightly, then blinked. "And I don't have my pie!"  
  
Quite suddenly an orange Alfador-like cat ran by her, and a triad of voices called out from  
behind; "Bye, kitty! See you later! Don't get lost in the sewers! Have a nice day! Get some lunch  
at the local Mini-Mart!"  
  
Sofi looked up and looked over her shoulder, then noticed that her companions were coming  
up from behind her, and she smiled. "Sofi not alone anymore!" she cried out. "I still don't have  
my pie..."  
  
The other three exchanged glanced, then Aurora looked over to Sofi. "Dare I ask...? Um...  
What pie?"  
  
"Nothing! Never mind! Sofi didn't say anything!" Sofi then turned around, grinning  
manically, and walked somewhat mechanically down the sewer, whistling... Something... To  
herself. The others watched as she walked off, then sighed heavily.  
  
"I don't get her," Chaos said bluntly.  
  
"I don't get any of this," Aurora put in.  
  
"I didn't get pie," Washu said suddenly.  
  
The other two looked at her and blinked, then looked over to where Sofi was heading through  
the sewer system. "O-kay then," Chaos muttered, beginning to walk forward. "Come on,  
everybody, let's keep going..."  
  
No further problems were encountered in the sewers, which was rather fortunate, because it  
seemed that the deeper one got the more it began to effect one's nose, and they did not need to  
be held up for anything.   
  
Upon reaching what could be considered the exit (ie: the ladder at the end), however,  
something suddenly impeded their path. The something happened to be large, have lots of rows  
of little, tiny legs, and look like a demented worm.   
  
"Taxxon?" Aurora asked suddenly, looking the dark green... Thing... Over. She was awarded  
with stares from the other three, and then she shrugged. "Those freaky worm things from  
Animorphs! It looks like one!"  
  
"Fools!" it cried suddenly in a haughty, deep, and - oddly enough - Scottish accent. "Me name  
is Sir Krawley, an' yeve come ta meh su'ers uninvited! I order the loot of ye te get ou' o' me  
su'ers less ye suffer meh wrath!"  
  
Sofi blinked. "Anybody know what he just said?" she inquired.   
  
Washu shook her head. "No," she admitted. "Of course, I can't follow a word that anybody  
with an Irish accent says, either..."  
  
Chaos sighed heavily and shook her head. "You're sad," she stated. "He said; 'Fools! My  
name is Sir Krawley, and you've come to my sewers uninvited! I order the lot of you to get out  
of my sewers lest you suffer my wrath!'"  
  
This earned her a stare from everybody else, and she shrugged. "What?" she asked. "Hey,  
look, I make fun of Scottish people a lot, okay? I know how freaky their voices are!"  
  
"Are ye goin' te go on bickrin amoongt yerselves or are ye going te get ou' o' me su'ers?"  
  
"Sir Krawley," Aurora offered, taking a step forward. "The exit is right behind you. We'd  
gladly get out of here if you just let us go to the exit..."  
  
"I cannae do anything like that, lass!" the worm roared. "Ye've got te get pas meh if ye want  
to make it ou' o' here."  
  
"So..." Washu said slowly. "Wouldn't that sort of defeat the purpose of you telling us to get  
out of there if we have to beat you to a bloody pulp and walk over you to leave?"  
  
Krawley fell silent, thinking, and then Aurora jumped in as well. "You see," she began, "it  
wouldn't make any difference wether we left with or without having fought you. After all, we'll  
probably never come here again, so it really doesn't make much of a difference."  
  
The worm looked like he had gotten into deeper thought, and Chaos offered her two cents.  
"So, basically, we can either flatten you and leave, or you can just let us leave and we'll avoid  
killing you. How's that sound."  
  
He seemed to almost be ignoring them now, deeply trenched in his odd, personal thoughts...  
Whatever they were.   
  
Then Sofi piped up.  
  
"There's an apple pie floating around somewhere in the sewage system," she stated suddenly.  
This warranted her confused stars from her comrades, but Krawley suddenly rushed past them  
all, then leapt into the water. "PIE!" he cried out before diving, and the quartet were shocked  
into silence. They then looked forward.   
  
"Let's leave," Aurora suggested quickly.  
  
Chaos nodded. "Methinks we've been in THIS loony bin long enough."  
  
They began to ascend the ladder, and from her position of second-to-last to climb, Washu  
commented from below; "So you really want to see the NEXT looney bin?!" 


	9. The End of the Story, which means that t...

Three Fools and an Idiot  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
Written by Chaos Shadow  
Now that I think about it, I don't even remember the original concept proposed by Aurora  
Firestorm...  
Chapter titles, ideas, and chapter titles for the sequel (god forbid) submitted - a lot - by Little  
Washu  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
(Sofi bounds out of wherever she has been standing for the past however long it's been since I  
updated)  
  
Sofi: It's almost the end! It's almost the end! It is almost the eeeeeend of the fic! Whoo hoo!  
*looks to audience in camera and grins* You hear that, everybody? That means I'm almost out  
of this torture chamber that none of us own! That means I won't get beaten up so often! And that  
means-  
  
(Without warning, Chaos, Aurora, and Washu all rush past her and off the other side of the stage,  
yelling about something. There's a pause, allowing Sofi to recuperate, and they rush past once  
more, in the opposite direction, yelling something else. Finally, Sofi takes a step back, and the  
three come through one final time, then stop, panting, front and center, and look around)  
  
Washu: Well... Where are they?  
  
Chaos: I... I don't know...  
  
Aurora: Did the posters lie to us?  
  
Sofi: *steps up very slowly* Um... What are you talking about?  
  
Chaos: *looks up and holds up poster* Read this.  
  
Sofi: *takes poster, looks it over, looks confused* Wah...? Burdines is having a buy-one-get-one-  
free shoe sale this Saturday?  
  
Chaos: *takes flyer* Ah... Wrong one...  
  
Washu: *takes out another flyer* Try this one.  
  
Sofi: *takes it, opens it, reads it aloud* 'Here ye, here ye! An epic battle has been proposed to  
take place upon the top of Mt. Denadoro! A double battle featuring the inseparable force of Sir  
Cyrus the great Hero of the Square Table and Glenn against the evil, destructive, highly-likely-  
to-curse-the-first-person-he-sees duo of Magus and Ozzie, even though the latter members of  
each team will doubtless not be fighting!' *looks at it, blinks* What..?  
  
Aurora: Basically, there's a giant battle on top of that mountain over there and it's about to start  
in three minutes.  
  
Sofi: *stands still, blinks, snaps out of it* Sofi must see! *runs to distant Denadoro Mountains*  
  
(The other three stare as she runs off, then trade confused glances)  
  
Chaos: I guess she did fall for it...  
  
Aurora: That poster's... What? Nine years old?  
  
Washu: *nods* Ah, well.  
  
(Off in the distance, Sofi's lone figure can be seen standing atop the mountain, looking around.)  
  
Sofi: Hey! I don't see anybody! Where are-  
  
(Then, somehow, she managed to trip on a pebble up there. This sends her tumbling down the  
mountain face - WAY down the mountain face - before hitting the bottom and promptly...  
Exploding...)  
  
Chaos: *sits back* She needed one last explosion...  
  
Aurora: Amen to that.  
  
Washu: Anyway... We still don't own Chrono Trigger, any of the characters or locations thereof,  
and all that stuff, but... *points to Chaos* She owns a guy named Naimul's soul.  
  
Chaos: *holds up little plastic bag with a glowing light thingy in it* Won it in a poker game,  
along with Texas and a ball of lint. I'm currently selling it for two cents... Anybody want it?  
*looks around* No? Ah, well... *pockets soul*  
  
Aurora: Well, you'll all missing out on your own personal slave. Too bad! *looks over to the  
other two* All right, everybody! Roll the final chapter!  
  
(Little film canister suddenly rolls by.)  
  
Aurora: ...You know what we mean...  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Part IX  
  
The quartet emerged from the sewers, all taking the liberty to bother breathing again, and  
suddenly found themselves out in the middle of...  
  
"The factory?" Chaos yelped, pulling herself out of the manhole that had suddenly appeared  
in front of the factory they now stood in front of. "But... This is the first factory of the game! We  
were supposed to be taken to Belthasar's place to pick up the Epoch and..."  
  
Without warning, as the other three brought themselves out of the sewer, Sofi held up a sign.  
"I... I found this in the sewers..." she said slowly. Chaos grabbed the sign and quickly read over  
it aloud:  
  
"'Warning: Belthasar is currently unavailable right now, as he is currently transferring his  
conscious mind into the body of a Nu. Please be patient with him. In the meantime, take this  
detour into the ever-so-scenic route of the Factory. And while you're at it, please ignore the  
Timegate at the end that miraculously transports any inter-dimensional travelers back to their  
normal dimensions.'" She looked up. "What's that mean?"  
  
Aurora, however, was already laughing maniacally. "Don't you see?" she demanded. "It  
means we can get home! We can get home again! I don't believe this! I already miss my  
family...."  
  
"Aurora," Washu said slowly. "Of course you do. You've been gone for nine years."  
  
There was a pause. Then; "Oh, yeah."  
  
Chaos sighed heavily and pointed forward, toward the Factory of Doom. "Look, everybody, I  
hate to spoil this senseless conversation - No, really, I do hate the spoil it; I love senseless  
conversations - but I think it's in our best interest to get out of the future as soon as humanly or  
otherwise possible."  
  
Sofi looked around the desolate landscape, then blinked. "Um... Why?"  
  
Washu bent slightly, allowing her eyes to be shadowed in darkness, and wrapped the dark  
purple cloak around herself, making herself look almost evil (if it hadn't been for the fact that  
she had blonde hair, she would have been quite good for the role). In such a form, she sent a cold  
glare at Sofi, and said, very quietly. "Because of... Him..."  
  
Sofi blinked. "Um... Who's him?"  
  
Washu continued to glare at Sofi in the same fashion, but continued her speech. "The great  
evil of this time period... Every period seems to contain one; Marle in the Present..."  
  
"Azala," Aurora offered, "in the Prehistoric Times..."  
  
"The Knight Captain in the Middle Ages," Chaos breathed.  
  
"And Dalton in the Dark Ages," Washu continued, not taking her gaze off Sofi. "However...  
In this time period, we are confronted with a new menace... One of the most evil creatures to  
have ever walked the face of this scorched planet..."  
  
Sofi pulled back, looking frightened as well as confused, and Washu breathed the final word;  
"Robo."  
  
Upon the word touching her ear, Sofi promptly screamed like a little girl and ran around in  
circles, yelling at the top of her lungs. "No! Not the Robo! Not the Robo! I don't know what one  
is, but don't let the Robo get me! Argh!"  
  
Then, somehow, she managed to fall down the manhole they had crawled out of.   
  
Chaos turned to the factory again, ignoring this. "Quit fooling around, Sofi," she snapped.  
"We have a factory to go through in order to find our way home, and..." She stopped suddenly,  
bewildered, then cried out, "Where are the cats, anyway?"  
  
Meanwhile, as you can imagine, all of the cats are lying around somewhere in our own  
universe, being very well treated; servants at their command, catnip spread around the puffy,  
cushioned seats that you always see those members of desert royalty sitting on, shrimp and all  
other sorts of that great food that everybody always pushes them off the dinner table for laid out  
before them.   
  
Jerry looked up and over to Ananda, then meowed something. Ananda responded, and Jerry  
said something back.   
  
Since none of you can understand cat (and, for that matter, neither can I, but I can fake it) I'll  
translate:  
  
"You ever wonder what happened to those crazy girls that we owned?" Jerry inquired of the  
tortoiseshell.   
  
Ananda nodded. "Of course. That was mostly because I was running out of food, though."  
  
Jerry chuckled in one of those cute kitty ways that cats somehow manage. "I know what you  
mean. That one I had... Her hand was delicious."  
  
"I imagine it was."  
  
Another sound suddenly came; an annoying, loud yell from outside the room (which, now  
that we actually look at the room at not the Desert Royalty Lego play set that the cats are in, is  
actually Washu's) that sounded either like it was being strangled or gagged.   
  
Jerry climbed to his feet, pushed upon the door, and yelled out; "Shut up, Chocolate!" before  
closing it again. He walked back to Ananda.  
  
"Chocolate still at it?" the latter asked. Jerry nodded.  
  
"Good thing we tied her up with yarn, threw a stuffed canary in her mouth and tossed her  
into the bathroom, huh?"  
  
Ananda nodded. "Mm-hmm..."  
  
And now, back to our human (or more human, anyway) stars.  
  
Chaos stared into the sky, then looked over to the others around her (including Sofi, who had  
taken said interlude to climb out of the sewers as well as heal in the same time frame). "What's  
the author dude mean by that?" she asked.  
  
Aurora shrugged. "Maybe you're crazy," she suggested. The look she got clearly said 'I  
already knew that'.  
  
"Let's... Just go in," Washu said slowly.  
  
The others nodded, and then walked into the room.  
  
The factory was simple enough upon entrance; from the beginning, two paths branched out,  
each leading to a straightaway forward across a treadmill-like track thing. One could easily walk  
across that and be carried down to the other side (although one had to wonder why on earth the  
tracks were even there) had it not been for the fact that the one of the left was coming toward  
everybody, and the one on the right, which led into the factory, was guarded by a laser. And try  
as they might, they simply could not go fast enough to combat the one coming toward them.  
  
Of course, the laser was only a foot off the ground and just hovering there, so it really didn't  
matter much, anyway. They calmly stepped over it and went along their way.  
  
At least, for a few seconds.  
  
"Gah!" Sofi yelled suddenly, pointing toward a nearby wall. "What are those?"  
  
The wall in question was the wonderful one that had those three freaky spider-robot-things  
'inconspicuously' blending into it. You know... Those things... They're called... Um...  
  
"Debuggers?"  
  
Yeah, that's it. Thanks.  
  
"What are those things?" Sofi asked.  
  
Chaos sighed. "Debuggers," she growled. "Washu just said it to the Omnipotent Voice of the  
Author. They're annoying spider robots that skitter all around that area of the room and impede  
where you're going. You don't have much of a chance to evade them; it's really annoying to go  
back and forth and try and get past these things each time."  
  
"But," Aurora began, "you don't have to go back and forth a lot and get past them..."  
  
There was a long pause, and then; "Shut up. It's not my fault that the stupid elevator on the  
third basement floor on the left wouldn't give me the 'down' option when I went to it the first  
time!"  
  
Everybody stared at her. Washu whistled innocently.  
  
"Well, it's not!"  
  
As such, they began to take the walk to the left and simultaneously avoid the Debuggers that  
would invariably jump out of the wall and attack them. Unfortunately, their evasive maneuvers  
were less than good (well, never mind; Washu and Chaos got past them quite nicely, apparently  
from years of evading the painful blow of the weapons from their respective tutors) and one of  
the Debuggers brushed past Sofi, barely touching her. Immediately upon that happening, the  
other three had the uncontrollable urge to unsheathe their weapons and stand at the ready in  
battle formation while Sofi jumped to the other side again and watched.   
  
"Why doesn't Sofi get to fight?" she demanded.   
  
"Because we have weapons, and you don't!" Chaos yelled. She then looked up, almost half  
expecting to see a two-dimensional screen suddenly appear above them with their respective  
stats in it.  
  
Fortunately, one didn't; that would have been far too scary. Unfortunately, that meant that  
they would not be running on an orderly ATB timer, and instead would have to actually gauge  
their own actions. Fortunately (again), they were all above level 60, and as such it didn't really  
matter.  
  
One of the Debuggers leapt at Washu, who retaliated with a scythe slash and hit it across  
the... Um... Whatever the bottom it. Upon hitting it, it promptly dissipated into a red, somewhat  
pixilated looking mist. They all stared at this for a long moment, and suddenly another one leapt  
up, this time at Aurora, who brought up the crossbow and fired, annihilating it as well in another  
mist of pixilated redness. Again, the triad stared and blinked, and the last one leapt.  
  
This time, it was not as orderly.  
  
The Debugger slammed into Chaos and sent her sprawling, sword out of hand, backpack  
suddenly open. Miraculously, despite the insane amount of stuff contained in that pack, the only  
thing that came out was her GameBoy Advance. A little '1' also appeared above her.  
  
"That does it," she hissed, picking up the GBA and bringing it forward before quickly pulling  
out the Sonic Advanced game pack. "You are SO dead for leaving me with nine hundred ninety  
EIGHT hit points!"  
  
She aimed the GBA carefully and threw it like a boomerang at the attacking Debugger, half  
expecting it to hit and bounce off and half expecting it to hit and deal a load of damage to it. The  
scary thing was that it accomplished the latter, killed the thing, and promptly returned to her  
hand.  
  
She stared at the little gaming tool. "Woah," she said bluntly.  
  
Then, suddenly, a little victory fanfare began to play in her mind, and a sentence came up out  
of nowhere; "Boomerang was learned!"  
  
Chaos blinked, and then it continued. "Dual Tech Fire Boomerang was learned! Dual Tech  
Ice Boomerang was learned! Dual Tech Bolt Boomerang was learned! Dual Tech Cosmic  
Boomerang was learned! Dual Tech Tsunami Boomerang was-"  
  
"I get the idea!" she yelled at nobody. The sentences promptly stopped running through her  
mind. She sighed heavily, then one more popped up, very quickly, very faintly; "Um... Level up?  
Shadow magic upgraded to Void magic? Please don't hurt me..."  
  
Chaos looked over to Washu and pointed. "Did you hear any of that?" She nodded, then  
Chaos turned to Aurora. "Did you hear it?" Aurora nodded as well. Finally, to Sofi: "And you?"  
  
"Hear what?"  
  
"She wasn't in the battle," Washu said slowly, then tilted her head. "Um... What's Cosmos  
magic?"  
  
"What's..." Aurora stopped talking, though for a moment, then pulled back. "No, wait, I  
already had Ice."  
  
A long moment of silence passed by them, and then; "Let's... Just move on..."   
  
"But Sofi is still lost!" Sofi wailed, running in after them.  
  
As you can imagine, they began to descend through the factory; trust me, the factory is not  
their favorite place to be. I mean, it's not hard or anything, it's just that the elevators are  
confusing; the one on the third basement level refused to give them a 'down' option at first.  
However, they made it to the final floor after a lot of walking around, beating things up, no  
further level ups, and, somehow, having Sofi get conked on the noggin with a frying pan.  
  
But they made it. And when they did, they came across the corridor to the security system at  
the end of the hall that led to the power core that probably had the conveniently placed Timegate  
right behind it.  
  
Sofi ran up to the door and looked it over, then looked back to everybody else. "Hey, look!"  
she said, pointing to some strange indentations on the door. "It says; 'Door that is locked by a  
security system at the end of the hall you just ran down behind which lies the power core and the  
conveniently placed Timegate that you've probably been looking for'. What do you suppose that  
means?"  
  
Aurora walked forward and mounted the security controls. "It means that we need to input a  
password to get any further. This is simple. It's just triangle, square" - she looked at the controls  
- "ex... And... Circle..."  
  
Of course, the controls happened to be an extremely complex system of keys with letters that  
you had never known could have existed. It was large, overly complex, and really, really flashy. I  
tell you, they needed an epilepsy warning on that thing.  
  
"Ah..." Washu stammered, stepping forward as well. "What's... Um... How...?"  
  
Suddenly, the computer buzzed to life, and a mechanical, yet oddly cheerful (and disturbingly  
Mr. Roger-esque) voice sounded through the room.  
  
"Hi," it said cheerfully. "My name is Computer Triangle-Square-Ex-Circle, which is  
translated, somehow, from ZABIE. How may I help you?"  
  
Chaos blinked, then arched an eyebrow and shrugged. "Whatever," she murmured. "Anyway,  
we're... Um... Trying to get home right now, and..."  
  
"You would like to go through that door."  
  
"If you could, please."  
  
"Well," ZABIE said thoughtfully. "I've been given direct orders not to allow anybody to go  
through because, you know, that's the central power core and there's a freaky blue-purple vortex  
behind it... But, what the heck! Since you're so polite about it..."  
  
The door slid open.  
  
"Um... Thanks," Aurora said, and the four went through the opening.  
  
"Thank you, come again!" ZABIE called. "And next time, please stay for tea!"  
  
They went through the porthole, and it slid shut neatly behind them. They then looked  
forward and saw the awesome spectacle of glittering electric blue lights flickering around them.  
The lights created arcs of pure electrical energy from one another, illuminating the room in their  
flourescent glow, which reflected the brilliance of the power core in the center; all of them  
gleamed with a cold, brilliant blue electrical energy.  
  
Sofi stared in awe. The other three just moved around it and found the Timegate.  
  
"Finally," Chaos breathed. "We can go home! I think nine years in this loony bin is long  
enough."  
  
"Here here," Aurora chimed.   
  
Washu smirked. "Let's go, then. I wanna see if Ananda-chan got out!"  
  
She stepped through the Timegate and vanished instantly, leaving behind a cry that sounded  
something like; "I am the wind! Whoosh!"  
  
Chaos looked to Aurora. "Would you like to go next?"  
  
Aurora stepped in. "I'll kill you for making me go to Prehistory," she said bluntly. "I'll kill  
you for giving me sad magical powers, and I'll kill you for giving me Ice as an element, and I'll  
kill you for-"  
  
Fortunately, she teleported very soon after that.  
  
Chaos turned around and looked for Sofi. "Sofi," she said slowly. "I think you had better...  
Sofi?"  
  
"Cumulus Nimbus!"  
  
"Oh, for the love of..." Chaos muttered, then suddenly noticed the cloud that was forming  
behind the power core. "Sofi! Don't cast water/electric magic in the middle of a POWER  
CORE!"  
  
Sofi came around easily, grinning. "I just wanted to prove to all of you that I could cast magic  
without getting myself ki... Hey! Where are the others?"  
  
"They... Left," Chaos said bluntly. "Oh, and Sofi, you might want to watch out for that..."  
  
A lightning bolt made its entrance right about then and promptly shocked Sofi from behind.  
  
"...Bolt."  
  
The taller of the two pulled herself to her feet, coughed up ash, and then brushed off her  
clothes. "Oh, shut up," she growled. "Just shut up." She shook it off. "At least it's not..."  
  
It then promptly began to rain. Yes, in the middle of the power core area. Yes, with electricity  
arcing around them. Yes, it was dangerous.   
  
Yes, they actually did care, thank you very much.  
  
"Ah, Sofi," Chaos said slowly. "I think we better leave."  
  
"Why's that? Rain never hurt anybody."  
  
"No, but rain in the middle of a power plant is not guaranteed to not kill you quickly."  
  
A pause. "I see your point."  
  
Unfortunately, the point was seen just a tad too late, and the power cell was beginning to  
spark and erupt. It hissed and sputtered as smoke began to billow out of it and sparks showered,  
and each of the smaller power cells (the pretty blue lights) began to follow in suit.  
  
"Let's run," Chaos suggested.  
  
"Good idea," Sofi agreed.   
  
And then, finally, they both jumped through the Timegate, just in time to avoid hearing  
ZABIE's final warning to them.  
  
"Oh, and while you're in there, please do not allow yourself or any of your friends to cast any  
Water magic; it'll sorta short-circuit the entire thing. Thanks, and have a nice day!"  
  
Washu landed on the ground first, then rolled and jumped to her feet just as Aurora landed  
where she had been. The shorter of the two was already preoccupied with the fact that a pair of  
overly cute, overly furry cats were lounging on her bed, and she was setting about her business of  
petting them. Aurora groaned and began to push herself up, when suddenly Sofia and Chaos  
exploded from the television set. They hung in midair for a moment - gotta love cartoon physics  
- before Sofi dropped on top of Aurora, and Chaos fell atop the both of them.   
  
"Thanks for breaking my fall," she said bluntly, grinning and getting off of them.  
  
"You're welcome," Sofi said.  
  
Aurora seemed to have said something, but it was rather muffled by the fact that Sofi's head  
was on hers and that her lungs were being compressed at that moment. However, it could easily  
be assumed that it was something along the lines of 'I hate you'.  
  
Sofi stood and brushed herself off, then Aurora got up and looked around. "Jerry... Ananda..."  
She froze. "Where's Chocolate!?" She bolted out of the room, tearing about the house and  
yelling for (or about, or something) Chocolate. She came back around and flung open the  
bathroom door, and found said evil siamese effectively bound and gagged to a small chair.  
  
Everybody just sort of stared.  
  
Chaos raised her hand. "Do I have a right to be scared?"  
  
Washu nodded. "Yeah."  
  
Jerry looked up and managed a kitty grin, then turned to Ananda and said something. Ananda  
responded, Jerry said something else, and they continued watching their humans. (Again,  
because none of you speak cat, I believe it was something like; "Humans certainly are silly,  
aren't they? They're going crazy just because we tied up the insane, homicidal demon." "Yes,  
indeed. Wanna go act cute so they'll pay attention to us?" "Okay." Either that, or it involved  
clam chowder. Whatever.)  
  
Chocolate was quickly untied, and just was quickly bolted out of the room upon seeing the  
dark glare from Jerry and Ananda. Aurora promptly ran after her insane cat, and then Chaos  
looked around.  
  
"We've been gone for nine seconds," she stated bluntly.  
  
Washu looked over to her, perplexed. "What?"  
  
"Well, you see, absolutely nothing is changed, the power outage is still going on, and I don't  
hear any police sirens or endless sobbing, so our parents must not have sent search groups out  
after us." She shrugged. "That, and its corresponds to how long we've been gone. Besides, nine  
is my numerological Life Force number. It's a nice number."  
  
"O-okay..."  
  
Sofi looked around and sighed. "We're back!" she cried out.  
  
"A Dinosaur's Story!" the other two said simultaneously.  
  
There was a lull in the action, and suddenly Washu, Chaos, and Sofi were in proper positions  
to watch the television screen again.  
  
"Sofi," Washu commanded. "Begin to make another batch of Kettle Korn. I've gotta try this  
again!"  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Okay, I admit it; the humor deteriorated near the end. Ah, well. And now to answer some  
questions that I know some of you people are probably thinking:  
  
The power outage in the Factory is an anomaly, because during the game you have to turn the  
power off to open the door. I didn't understand this because obviously the door would have a  
security system established on it. Wether Robo hacks the system or not isn't the point; it's just  
more fun to have an unnatural, Cloud-based disaster happen and thusly create a strange thingy in  
the story. Whatever.  
  
Crono and Lucca were spared any mention because they had absolutely nothing to do with us,  
and they aren't part of our Final Five. Final Five, of course, being a strange term I came up with  
out of nowhere for the ultimate team that could possibly kick Lavos' butt. They're all football  
players. Hike!  
  
What the heck are Void and Cosmos magic? I invented them; they're like the evolutions of  
Shadow magic; rather, different paths of Shadow magic. What's the difference? I dunno, but it  
sounds cool. Besides, Void is pretty much my trademarked magical ability (unless you want to  
count the Chaos element I made, but that coincides too much with my name and my friend no  
longer thinks it's a coincidence) and as such I should have it in all of my SI realities unless  
magic doesn't exist in them. Now get off my case.  
  
And the thing I bet none of you were wondering about; What Happened to Everybody After the  
Story:  
  
Crono - Who cares about him. We didn't do anything to him. He lives a happy life in Truce  
being a lazy, mute bum. Bleh.  
Lucca - She's been blowing things up while we were there and after. Her habits did not chance.  
Marle - She now has a distinct fear of any cats that look like they would be ready to murder her.  
Additionally, she adopted an even more airheaded personality for no readily apparent reason.  
She never wants to see another Crazy Bucket as long as she lives. I'm not quite sure why, she  
just doesn't.  
Glenn - Any notion to rename himself something as degrading as Frog has officially left his  
mind. Thank God. I would also say he needed psychiatric help after my stay, but considering that  
he would have needed psychiatric help after the Denadoro incident, they managed to cancel each  
other out entirely. I would, however, like to add that any and all random Gnashers that come by  
are very quickly smitten, and all T'Poles are still being burned. Wonder that he ever eats.  
Robo - Rob is currently in a dilapidated Proto Dome, slowly being eaten by Rats. The Rats, by  
the way, are very cute. Very, very cute. But they're eating him. We won't complain; he's offline.  
Ayla - Ayla will spend the next year or so trying to figure out why a human sided with the  
Reptites. She'll also try and figure out why the human was so weak. I quote: "Why human weak?  
Human fight. If weak, no fight. So why fight? Should go to Laruba. Unless want fight with Ioka.  
Then get killed. Oh, well." She promptly drank a small cup of tea after this interview and  
propped open 'War and Grease'. Don't ask me how she got anything like that.  
Magus - Magus is perfectly fine for all that went by him. However, Ozzie, Flea, and Slash are all  
emotionally scarred for the rest of their ill-begotten lives. Not that we care about them. Although  
it might be interesting to note that they are all still being tortured on a regular basis thanks to  
Magus. Go Magus!  
  
The cats are all doing fine, as are the girls. Except maybe Sofi. She was mildly traumatized and  
now has a distinct fear of clouds.   
  
And that, of course, is that! Thusly, I hope you enjoyed the entirety of this little insanity, and I  
look forward to seeing you next time.   
  
What? You thought the hints of a sequel were just me being sarcastic? P-shaw! I need to torture  
the lot of you a lot more! *wicked grin* See you later... *cackles evilly, then trips on something*  
I need to get that checked... 


	10. Bloopers, Out Takes, and Explosions

Three Fools and an Idiot  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
Written by Chaos Shadow  
For goodness sake, Aurora seems to have had nothing to do with this now...  
And, of course, many a thing submitted by Washu. Not sure if that's good or bad, though...  
  
NOTE: These are not done yet. I just had to put them up so my friend could look them over and  
wonder what I was on when I wrote these.  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Chaos: *smacks forehead* Good Lord, save us all...  
  
Sofi: Wha... What happened? Isn't it supposed to be over?  
  
Chaos: *shakes head* Nay...  
  
Sofi: *is just stunned*  
  
Washu: Unfortunately, there's only one section left of the fic before it can be officially called  
finished...  
  
Sofi: What... Is... That...?  
  
Aurora, Washu, and Chaos: *all chiming in* The OUT TAKES!!  
  
Sofi: *runs away* THERE IS NOBODY LOOKING OUT FOR POOR SOFI!  
  
Ah, yes indeed. The out takes. Now that I have officially managed to finish a story, I'll uphold  
my unwritten tradition to create an out takes section for it. *grins* Enjoy!  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Part I  
  
(Chaos, holding Jerry, walks up to the doorbell and attempts to maneuver her elbow so as to ring  
it. Unfortunately, this upsets Jerry, who then goes ballistic and turns on Chaos, promptly sinking  
his teeth into her arm)  
Chaos: Wha...  
(Chaos begins to reel backward, then promptly falls off the sidewalk, backwards, into a bush)  
Chaos: *from under the bush* Ow... I'm okay... I... Hey! There's a bunny under this bush! Hey,  
bunny, how's... Um... Why are you glaring at me like that? Hey! RABBITS ARE  
HERBIVORES! RABBITS- THAT'S MY GOOD ARM! HELP ME AND CUT! C-U-T!  
  
*BIP*  
  
(Chaos comes back to the door, now with a muzzle on Jerry, who is sending death glares at her,  
and succeeds in ringing in, then waits. And waits. And waits. Clock in the corner shows time  
suddenly flying from nine am to six pm. The camera slouches forward, apparently unmanned,  
and snoring sounds are heard from behind it. Chaos looks at her watch. Jerry growls)  
Chaos: Hey! *pounds door* Hello! I'm out here!  
Washu: *opens door* Oh, hi Chaos! What took you?  
Chaos: I-rang-the-doorbell....  
Washu: Oh... Maybe I should have warned you that the doorbell was currently on the fritz. We-  
(Camera is tilted forward, so we can't see their heads, but by the gurgling sounds and the fact  
that we can't see Washu's feet touching the ground, we can guess she's being strangled.)  
  
*BIP*  
  
Chaos: *walks through finally opened door* Hi. Where did Washu get off to?  
Washu's Mom: She's in her room, trying to recover from a nearly snapped neck...  
Chaos: Oh... *fiddles with shirt collar* Heh. Imagine something like that... *whistles*  
  
*BIP*  
  
Chaos: *walks through door* Hi. Where did Washu get off to?  
Washu's Mom: She's in her room, cleaning it up. You know, the thirty-two second cleanup that  
she always does that ends up with terribly messy sheets strewn across the room?  
Chaos: *grins and nods* Yeah, I know what you mean. Does she have an inability to just make  
the bed like a normal per-  
Washu: *yelling from her room* I HEARD THAT!  
  
*BIP*  
  
(Chaos and Washu are sitting down, with Washu playing Chrono Trigger and Chaos watching  
from the bed. You know, that part of the scene.)  
Washu: Any tips on killing Lavos?  
(Silence.)  
Washu: *slightly louder* Any tips on killing Lavos?  
(Silence. Washu looks peeved. Then, finally:)  
Chaos: You know, it's rather sad that you haven't beaten Lavos yet.  
Washu: *glares, jumps up, attempts to begin strangling Chaos with the controller cable*  
  
*BIP*  
  
Chaos: *laughs* It's not my fault the old man a few blocks down didn't like the song Kryptonite,  
is it?  
Old Man: *bursts through door with police behind him* Darn tootin' it isn't, but that was still  
improper conduct! Police! Arrest that young lady for being a neighborhood nuisance!  
Chaos: *blinks* Ah... Should I run now?  
  
*BIP*  
  
Washu: Aurora, why did you bring your cat? And of all of them, Chocolate?  
Aurora: Well, I figured that, if you're getting me stuck in prehistory, I would retaliate by having  
my killer kitty come after the lot of you, and...  
Chaos: I need a restraining order against your cat. I really do.  
  
*BIP*  
  
Washu: Aurora, why did you bring your cat? And of all of them, Chocolate?  
Aurora: Well, since you have your own cat here, and Chaos brought hers, I figured I'd bring  
mine.  
Washu: Yeah... But ours aren't man killers.  
Aurora: ...Shut up.  
  
*BIP*  
  
Washu: Aurora, why did you bring your cat? And of all of them, Chocolate?  
Aurora: Well, since you-  
(Without warning, Washu's mother runs out of the room armed with a large broom)  
Washu's Mom: GET THAT DEMON CAT OUT OF MY HOUSE!  
  
*BIP*  
  
Sofi: *barges into room* I brought the pop... Oops!  
(Sofi promptly trips on a random backpack and sprawls face first on the floor. She gets up,  
shakes it off, and is suddenly tripped again as Chocolate decided to ram into her legs. She gets  
up once more, takes a step, then falls into a manhole that suddenly appeared.)  
Chaos: *looks down, then up at camera* Where'd that come from?  
  
*BIP*  
  
The Girls: Ooooh.... Aaaaah.... Oooo...  
Mr. Dacy: *opens door into room and gives thumbs up* You're doing great! Keep up the good  
work! *disappears*  
(All stare and blink)  
Chaos: Well... That was definitely unique...  
  
*BIP*  
  
(Chaos and Washu appear over the cliff, as usual... Except that Washu is suddenly hovering over  
the abyss instead of Chaos, who is standing on solid ground. Washu promptly crashes to the  
ground.)  
Chaos: *leans over cliff and calls down* You know, that was YOUR idea!  
  
*BIP*  
  
(Chaos and Washu appear over the cliff, only they're both on solid ground, and without warning  
Cyrus is where Chaos is supposed to be)  
Cyrus: What the... I was just getting killed! How-  
(Cyrus looks down, promptly crashes to the ground)  
Chaos: *looks at Washu* That was DEFINITELY your idea!  
Cyrus: ...Ow...  
  
*BIP*  
  
(Chaos and Washu are now both over the abyss. As you can guess, they both crash land.)  
Chaos: I am NEVER listening to you AGAIN!  
  
*BIP*  
  
(Sofi and Aurora are suddenly over the abyss. They follow everybody else from above and crash  
land as well)  
Sofi: Sofi's back doesn't feel good...  
Aurora: Darn you, Washu! DARN YOU!  
  
*BIP*  
  
(For showing all of these out takes, the director appears over the cliff with the girls standing on  
the cliff proper. He looks up, flashes a 'Shoot' sign from Wile E. Coyote, then promptly  
crashes.)  
  
*BIP*  
  
(Washu is slowly going in the direction she figures Magus is currently in, then parts the bushes  
on the scene. She grins and watches, then turns around toward the cliff.)  
Washu: Oh... my... god... Do you know who's...  
(Magus, however, suddenly looks toward the trees and send the lightning over there, squarely  
hitting Washu, who managed to, somehow, fall off the cliff she is nowhere near at this moment)  
Glenn: *watches this and grins* Yes! I'm free! I'm okay! I'm not a Mystic! *begins to celebrate*  
I-  
(Ozzie promptly floats by and gently pokes him off the cliff anyways)  
Glenn: *hovers, looks down, holds up Wile E. Coyote sign that reads "Help", then falls*  
  
*BIP*  
  
Chaos: *is walking along the edge of the cliff and muttering to herself, then looks up* Hey, wait  
a minute...  
(Chaos completely ignores Prone Figure Number One and runs over to Prone Figure Number  
Two, who happens to be the strangely human Glenn)  
Chaos: *kneels down, helps him up, looks around* Ah... Glenn? What happened? Why are you  
abnormally normal?  
Glenn: Ah... Magus redirected his spell... And then Ozzie pushed me off the cliff anyway.  
(Chaos blinks, then turns around and sees Washu... The frog.)  
Washu: *eye twitch* Don't... Say... A word...  
  
*BIP*  
  
(Chaos is standing in front of Glenn, who is now normally abnormal, and waiting for him to  
wake up. And waiting. And waiting. Eventually, after about ten minutes, she simply sits down  
and glares at her watch, then looks again and continues waiting. Again, the camera slumps  
forward, and snoring can be heard. She then picks up Glenn's sword and pokes him. Still  
nothing.)  
Chaos: *blinks* Ah... You know... We might need the paramedics for this one...  
  
*BIP*  
  
(Chaos walks by cliff muttering to herself and rounds appropriate corner, then realized she  
didn't hear a crash. She looks around and sees nobody, then carefully approaches the clearing.  
She looks around.)  
Chaos: Um... Glenn? Where are...  
(Shadow appears. Chaos looks up, blanches, then holds up a small, useless cartoon umbrella as  
Glenn promptly falls on top of her)  
  
*BIP*  
  
(Chaos is once again sitting in front of Glenn, waiting for him to wake up, and this time he does  
so on time.)  
Chaos: Hi... Um... *blinks, then looks confused* What was your name again?  
Glenn: *pushes himself up and points* I said we might need a doctor to check on her memory  
after that last accident, but no! YOU said-  
  
*BIP*  
  
Chaos: Let's try it this way, then. *breaths in* Hi my name is Chaos Shadow but everybody just  
calls me Chaos at least if they know my nickname because my real name is really Christine but I  
prefer Chaos when I'm around my friends so I would prefer to be called Chaos even though we  
pretty much just met right now and I fell through a Timegate that appeared in my television  
screen that sucked my other friends and our cats into it and I just wanted to gauge your reaction  
and see if cartoons really can depict real life situations and because of your involuntary  
participation I now know that I can't breathe and- *promptly falls unconscious*  
Glenn: *kneels and pokes her with his sword, then looks up* MEDIC!  
  
*BIP*  
  
(Washu is now sneaking around through the words, trailing Magus and looking glad that we  
finally got around to her scene. She comes up behind him and waits, then looks up.)  
Washu: Magus... I don't belie-  
(Magus, however, is obviously plotting something right now, does not like to be interrupted, and  
spins around with the scythe, promptly slashing her head off)  
Chaos: *runs on set and comes up next to headless Washu* Ooh... That must have stung...  
Washu: *pops up from off set* Thank God for stunt doubles!  
  
*BIP*  
  
(Washu is sneaking up on Magus again, then comes behind him and waits, then jumps up and  
looks)  
Washu: Magus... I do-  
(Magus is even more impatient this time around and promptly casts Dark Matter on her.  
Needless to say, she's gone)  
Washu: *from off set again* Thank God for stunt triples!  
  
*BIP*  
  
(Washu is, once again, sneaking up on Magus, then comes up behind him and waits, then jumps  
out once more.)  
(Before she says anything, however, Magus promptly blows her away with a lightning bolt)  
Washu: *pops up once more* Thank God for stunt chickens!  
  
*BIP*  
  
(Washu comes up behind Magus and leaps from behind... Um... Whatever she's behind)  
Washu: Magus... I do-  
(Washu, however, promptly trips over a root)  
Washu: ...Ow...  
  
*BIP*  
  
(Washu does the whole comes-out-from-behind-a-tree thing and walks up to Magus, who  
suddenly turns around to her and reaches into his cape. She ducks, expecting another murder  
attempt, but instead suddenly hears Magus talking to her and offering a... Crumpet...)  
Magus: *in an Irish accent* Would ye be keen upon taking a small snack with ye, then?  
(Washu looks up, stares at Magus for a moment, then faints)  
Chaos: *leaps onto set and grabs Magus* WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH OUR CAST!  
  
*BIP*  
  
Magus: I'll leave you in the custody of Ozzie, Flea, and Slash.  
Washu: The tone deaf evil fiends. *chuckles*  
(Without warning, Ozzie, Flea, and Slash come from behind a tree armed with a rope and chair)  
Ozzie: Who are you calling tone-deaf!  
Washu: Oh... Shoot...  
(About two seconds later Washu is suddenly tied to said chair with said rope)  
Washu: Ah... Chaos? Aurora? Could you... Help me? Please? Like right now? *looks around,  
then glares* I SEE YOU LAUGHING OVER THERE!  
  
*BIP*  
  
Washu: Let me get this straight; you're leaving me in the custody of a fat, green floating thing, a  
blue guy who also floats, and a transve-  
(Ozzie, Flea, and Slash promptly tie her against a tree this time)  
  
*BIP*  
  
(Aurora begins to wake up and yawns, then walks toward the 'bathroom'. Unfortunately, she  
slams full on into the stone wall)  
Aurora: ...I tink I broke by noze...  
  
*BIP*  
  
(Aurora looks up to the Reptite blocking the cell and begins to walk up to it. It's still facing  
outward. She calmly taps its shoulder and it turns it head. She then promptly punches its lights  
out, looks around, waits for Azala to enter the scene, then shrugs and walks back into the cell,  
waiting for the next bunch of lines and unaware that she could easily just walk out of the room.)  
  
*BIP*  
  
Azala: *looks at Aurora's clothes* There's no way these apes could have made something like  
this in such a short time. Their leader is still wearing that furry gray bikini, isn't she?  
(Without warning, Azala grabs it fully and begins whining)  
Azala: I want it I want it I want it I want it I-  
  
*BIP*  
  
Aurora: And you! Move your sorry butt and let me through!  
(Reptite stands perfectly motionless)  
Aurora: *getting angry* I SAID-  
(Reptite promptly brings up lance and knocks her unconscious)  
  
*BIP*  
  
Aurora: And get me a blitter gall... Um... Glitter hall... Hitter stall... Mitter fall...  
  
*BIP*  
  
George: *whispering to Bob* I think she's gone bonkers... Maybe we should do something about  
it.  
Bob: Yeah... What's a glitter hall, anyway?  
George: I don't know, but we should start a rebellion!  
Bob: ...Or throw her off the edge of the lair.  
George: ...Yeah, that works to.  
(George and Bob stalk out of their hiding place, which happened to be right behind the throne  
and in obvious hearing range of Aurora, and pick up Aurora, who is listening to headphones and  
humming)  
Aurora: *mumbles whatever song is going before suddenly being tossed off the edge of the cliff*  
  
*BIP*  
  
The producers saw fit that Sofia's entire story was virtually an out take unto itself, and as such  
we had absolutely no need to film multiple times this scene. There are no out takes for Sofi's  
scene; sorry, people. But as consolation, here's a kipper. *gives audience a kipper* 


End file.
